The Dream and the Nightmare

Hiatus!

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 12:56:07 GMT

Heya there!

Again, I won't be active for a while from today on. This time, due to my parents getting our living room rebuilt, which means everything gets out and has to be replaced. Since this is the only place in the house where we have an internetconnection, I won't be able to be online on msn or check/update my LJ.
*types this in an already very very empty living room, with only one chair, one cabinet and a desk with the computer left. All other stuff has already moved out to the garage and the kitchen (so now we have a couch and a chair in the kitchen, instead of the dining-table, which is as well moved to the garage*

This will mean I'll be living in my room, doing nothing cause there isn't anything to do there ><
This will be shitty when it comes to school things I guess >.> We need internet a lot with certain assignments.
-REMINDS ME, I SHOULD FINISH THAT DAMN ENGLISH THINGY! O_O-

Okay, end of rant!
See you in... 14 days/ a month. Or anything T---T

Buhbye ! <33

The Fifth Season

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 09:40:41 GMT

Title: The Fifth Season
Genre: Comedy/drama
Chapter: 5/? (intro/try-out)
Summary: The four brothers, Shinji, Yuuji, Koji and Toshi all deal with their own and each others problems. Shinji, as the oldest sees it as his task to take care of the three younger ones, against any price.
While the three older brothers (have) become adults, the youngest one stays in his imaginary world.

( Chapter One (intro/try-out) ) ( Chapter Two ) ( Chapter Three ) ( Chapter Four )

“I’m home.” Koji says tonelessly as he enters the living room. The backside of Yuuji’s head makes a weird picture in the dimmed light, also cause his head lies on the back-leaning of the couch.
”Yuuji?” Koji comes closer and pokes his brother’s cheek.
”Huh?” Yuuji says sleepy.
”I am home.” Koji repeats just as toneless as before.
”…Oh… Me too, right?” Yuuji moans and stretches.
”No, you are off to dreamland.”
”As long as they have music I don’t care.” Yuuji stretches one last time, while Koji walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge. “What time is it?” Yuuji asks.
Koji shrugs. “ Don’t know. One, maybe half past one.”
”You’ve been away long then.”
”I wanted to avoid Shinji.”
”He isn’t home either.” Yuuji says, while standing up and following his brother. “At least, I didn’t notice him come in, and up till an hour ago I was clearly awake, but those night-shows always bore the hell out of me.”
”Oh.” Koji says uninterested, as he sits down at the kitchen-table with a glass of coke.
Yuuji sits down in front of him. “Did you eat at Makoto’s?”
”Yup.”
”What happened to your shirt?” Yuuji grins and points at Koji’s bare belly.
”Nothing, I fell.” Koji shrugs, he doesn’t look his older brother in the eye.
”Did you hurt yourself?”
”No. Are you staying this annoying? Cause then I am off to bed straight away.” Koji groans.
Yuuji shrugs and grins. “You are bothered by it.”
”By what?”
”By the fight you had with Shinji.”
”No I’m not.”
”Oh yes, you so are.” Yuuji grins.
”Shut up Yuuji.”
Yuuji shakes his head but keeps on grinning, he knows Koji. He is bothered by it, he just won’t ever admit it.
”Why are you two interfering in my life that much?” Koji suddenly asks, and for the first time he looks Yuuji in the eye.
”I’m not, well now I am but I think that makes sense cause you’ve been away all night after you had a fight with Shinji, who, by the way, left straight after you and still hasn’t got home.”
”You still don’t need to bother.”
”I think I do, as long as you are bothered.”
”BUT NOTHING IS BOTHERING ME!” Koji suddenly shouts and puts his glass on the table with a hard boom.
”Shht, Koji, mind Toshi!” Yuuji tries to calm him down. “Don’t be so upset okay?”
”I am NOT upset either!”
”Whatever you want.” Yuuji shrugs.
For a while they sit in front of each other, in silence. Koji refuses to look at Yuuji again. Finally, after almost twenty minutes, it’s Yuuji who breaks the silence;
”Koji, can I ask you something?”
”Depends.” Koji groans.
”On what?”
”If that question will be about Shinji or what is bothering me or any other shit, cause then I’m not answering it.”
”No, it’s about something you said.”
Koji stays silence, which Yuuji takes as a reason to ask the question.
”Koji, why did you call me “saint Yuuji” this afternoon?”
Koji looks at him with one eye. “Because you are almost sacred.”
”What’s that rubbish?” Yuuji laughs. “I am far from sacred.”
”I mean that you never do something wrong and whatever you do, you do it fantastically and are almost perfect.” Koji says, he sounds serious.
Yuuji stares at his two and half years younger brother, in a few months he’ll turn seventeen, Yuuji considered him as pride and sometimes childish, but that childishness was rather the outside, Yuuji knows that on the inside he is more mature as Koji wants to know, but this is new to him.
”Koji, I don’t know where you’ve got that rubbish from, but I am far from perfect and I do things wrong all day long.”
”That’s not true and you know that!” Koji suddenly sounds upset again. “You never get told that you are scum or that people worry about your future! I never hear Shinji shouting at you and I never heard any complains about you and your behaviour! You play guitar in a band, everyone knows that you’re talented and artistic and you won a prize for a poem! Mum always called you her Little Musician and-“
”Stop it!” Yuuji suddenly says severe. “Koji that is nonsense! Of course I misbehave, not recently maybe, but in high school I wasn’t quite a sweet student. Shinji never shouts at me cause he knows that when he does I wouldn’t care a fuck!”
”Then why does he at me?!”
”Because you obviously DO care a fuck Koji!” Yuuji sighs. “Shinji is just concerned about you because you are, and forgive me this cause I know it sounds horrible, only sixteen yet. I am one year younger than Shinji, if he ever dares lecturing me he knows I’d give him a lecture he wouldn’t hear in his biggest nightmares! Plus; Shinji and I know each other very well! You know that we’ve been friends during our entire lives and I know you hated that. Shinji knows that if I’d do something which he wouldn’t like I’d have my reasons for it and he usually can even think of the reasons or otherwise he’d ask.
But you-“ Yuuji interrupts Koji even before he could say something, he had opened his mouth to protest but Yuuji was too fast. “He never really got to know you like he knows me. He doesn’t know why you do things and how you think, he has ideas of course, cause there are times when you get along well, but he doesn’t have any clue why you do the things you do Koji.”
”Like you have those ideas!”
”I never said I do have them, but I think I understand you a little better than Shinji does.”
”Tssk. Sure, since when did you ever try to get to know me?”
”Well, I am your brother after all, for already sixteen and a half years I have lived in one house with you.”
”Congratulations, or shall I rather share my compassion with you?”
”Koji, why are you so angry with me? I didn’t do anything.”
”Maybe that’s the point!” Koji groans. “I am off to bed.”
Yuuji sighs. “Koji-“
”WHAT?!”

“You are not, and never will be, less than me or Shinji if that’s what you think.”
Koji just slams the door close.
Yuuji sighs, what an exhausting evening…

It’s late at night by the time Shinji finally decides to get out of the McDonald’s he hid himself in. Why the hell he got in there he doesn’t understand himself, cause he hates those restaurants. But the food was cheap and they are open all night long, the toilets are clean and the employees won’t bother you if you won’t order anything for a while. And Shinji guesses that all he wanted was to be left alone…
He feels like a hopeless teenager, frustrated and knowing he can’t solve the problem on his own. It makes him feel weak. Even weaker than he felt when Koji shouted at him the other day. Now, that all seems unimportant and too long ago to even be paid attention to.
Shinji sighs and lets his hands go through his hair, he pushes it away from his face and leans his head backwards, he moans out of frustration.
”…Eh, pardon me,” A voice suddenly sounds, and Shinji lets his hands go quickly and looks up-side-down at a young guy, looking weirdly at him from the table behind him. “But is everything okay?”
Shinji sits up straight again, ashamed, he blushes and adds something in between of a smile and a grin on his face. “Eh yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry for that, I eh-“
”Ah don’t bother finding an excuse,” The guy grins. “I recognize moans from frustration, and it’s none of my business what causes yours, it’s just that I felt connected with you when you did it.”
”Eh?!’ Shinji stares weirdly at him.
The guy laughs. “Yeah, I know that sounds weird. It’s just that I wanted to do the exact same thing, right when you did it…Guess that’s why I couldn’t help myself but to ask.”
He has an open face, slightly familiar for some reason, he seems around his thirties, though he has a youthful appearance. He smiles friendly at Shinji and he knows the guy is observing him as well.
”Where are my manners,” he says then. “I haven’t introduced myself! I’m Nozomi Kenzo.”
”Hattori Shinji.” Shinji answers politely. The man’s name sounds familiar, where did he hear it before? Though Nozomi is a common family name of course…
”Hattori Shinji you said?” The man repeats slowly. “…Haven’t we met before?”
”Eh, not that I’m aware of, Nozomi-san.”
”Oh please call me Kenzo, Nozomi-san makes me feel so old.” He groans but smiles after that. “But really, your name sounds so familiar. Where did I hear it..?”
”Eh-“ Shinji stutters.
”No! WAIT! I know it! Do you know my sister perhaps?”
”…Your sister?” Shinji asks surprised.
”Yes! Sakura?”
”Eh, doesn’t ring any bells…Though I have met a woman named Nozomi lately-“
”Was she pretty?” Kenzo grins.
Shinji feels how his head glows red. What a weird question, and what the hell is he supposed to say? “Eh- Eh, w-well y-yes, but I-I don’t see-“
”And did she come to your house to talk about a student of hers?”
”…I guess, Nozomi-sensei did come-“
”Never mind, it’s her!” Kenzo laughs. “And you don’t need to be ashamed and blush that much my friend, I know my sister has a pretty face. She told us you were shy and kind.”
Shinji is completely overwhelmed by confuse and has no idea what to say. She told things about him? To whom? What the hell was going on here?
”Ah yeah, that must seem weird to you as well of course.” Kenzo looks as if he is ashamed for telling him that. “Allow me to explain it all a bit, before you think I am a complete moron – If you didn’t already think so of course-: You see, I’m actually supposed to be at a family dinner, right now. At my parental house. during dinner my sister was asked about her work and she told us about her paying her first house-visit. That’s when she mentioned your name.
I got sick of my family later so now I’m here being the rebellious son and then I met you.” Kenzo grins cheerfully.
Shinji still stares at him, then realises his mouth hangs open. He never had such a weird conversation as this one before in his entire life. Apart from maybe that one with Koji and Yuuji about “a thousand ways to use cucumbers” –but that was at new years eve when they all were quite, well, tipsy-. And now he also realises the man in front of him reminds him of Koji, his shameless and spontaneous way of talking to strangers, still being friendly and polite in his own way.
Shinji now notices it really is his turn to say something and he tries to think of something intelligent to respond.
”Well,” He smiles. “I feel honoured I guess, unless Nozomi-sensei wasn’t that fond of me of course.”
Kenzo laughs again. “Well, I think Sakura was fond of you. At least what I heard was all positive, and I understand what she meant with “very civilized”.”
Shinji wonders if that was a compliment.
Kenzo still smiles at him, but then bows his head. “I’m sorry, you really must think I am a complete moron.”
”Well, actually you remind me of my brother.” Shinji said it before he noticed.
”Is that good or bad?” Kenzo wonders.
”Quite good.” Shinji grins.
”Then I am a happy man.” Kenzo grins. “Anyway, thanks Shinji-kun, you distracted me from my frustrations and now I can return to my family and behave normal again. Though they’re probably all off to bed by-“
”KENZO! There you are!” Suddenly a female voice interrupts him in his sentence, and both Kenzo and Shinji stare at a young woman walks into the ugly TL-lighted McDonald’s. “Why did you leave? It really was nothing! You know papa, he always has to be right and you really shouldn’t have- Shinji-san!” Sakura blushes and stops in the middle of her sentence to her older brother.
”Eh, hello Nozomi-sensei…” Shinji smiles politely.
”Hi Sakura. Look who I’ve coincidentally found! This is that man you talked about during-“ But Sakura adds her hand in front of his mouth and laughs, while her head is fire-red. “Hahaha, yeah very funny Kenzo-kun. Now, eh, I’m sure Shinj-san has better things to do, so shall we-“
”Oh, I don’t really have things to do.” Shinji answers, without really thinking of the consequences.
Sakura falls silent. She could of course just- But that would be too obvious. No, no their relation is strictly businesslike. But of course, she forgot her older brother;
Kenzo watched her blushing when she looked at Shinji, and a grin appeared on his face. “Sit down Sakura, shall I get you something?”
”What? N-no. NO!” She says shocked. Then she blushes as she sees that Shinji looks a bit surprised at her. “I-I mean, eh, we really should return Kenzo. It’s late, and I’m sure Hattori Shinji-san has-“
”He just said he had nothing to do sis! Just sit down and relax for once. You hardly ever take time for yourself anymore, so sit down and have a fun conversation with your brother and his newest friend!”
Shinji smiles uncomfortable, though he feels slightly honoured hearing Kenzo calling him friend. He didn’t make any friends in years…

Yuuji sighs, and looks at the clock hanging above the kitchen table; three o’clock already. And Shinji still hasn’t returned home.
Yuuji has to admit he’s worried; Shinji never stays out that late, never. Though, he’s an adult. A young adult, it’s rather normal he just wants some time for himself, to get away from here for only a few hours. Yuuji has those moments too every now and then, and then he stays out all evening and comes back in the morning. Koji does that almost every Friday and Saturday.
But Shinji…Shinji never does that. Shinji always returns to make sure they all will be fine and make it to their duties the next morning, like school or a job.
But even though it never happened before, maybe that is the reason why he does it now…Just too much frustrations for him to handle. Maybe Shinji just needs to let it all out, to return home as he feels like it.
But still, even though that’s more than understandable, it’s not like Shinji. At all.
Yuuji sighs. He lifts his head up every time he hears something, hoping it to be his brother opening the front door. Even if he would be drunk or stoned or with a girl, or even a combination of all those, Yuuji would be happy he would have made it home.
But every time again, he gets disappointed; then it’s the wind amongst the house, then a car passing by on the street.
He knows he probably should just go to bed, but for some reason Yuuji knows he won’t be able to catch sleep as long as Shinji wouldn’t have made it home.

It’s a quarter past five as Yuuji suddenly wakes up from the kitchen table. For a second he wonders where he is, as he remembers why he didn’t go to bed. He softly curses at himself for falling asleep.
Did Shinji come home meanwhile? Yuuji has no idea if it would have woken him up if the front door would be opened. If Shinji did it softly and carefully, probably not.
On his toes Yuuji sneaks through the small corridor with Toshi’s bedroom door slightly opened, passed Koji’s bedroom, to the narrow stairs to the second floor.
While Yuuji climbs up, he suddenly notices the light is on in the corridor above the stairs: Shinji must have left it on. He must be home!
Relieved, Yuuji softly opens the door of Shinji’s bedroom, but though his eyes have to get used to the darkness, he notices soon that the room is empty. Surprised and disappointed, Yuuji walks inside the dark bedroom, realising he hasn’t been here in a while. Even if Shinji’s bedroom is next to his own, he never steps a foot in here, and as Yuuji turns on some light, he is startled for a second. The room is a mess, but not in the way Koji’s r or his own room is; no clothes on the floor, no underwear under the bed, no magazines stacked in the corner. Just papers, letters, some weird books, which, Yuuji realises then, are photo-albums, some loose photographs are spread over the floor. Yuuji swallows as he recognizes the persons on them; the young woman in the white dress, shining and smiling happily next to a young man in suit.
Yuuji grabs up the photo and stares at his own eyes, at Koji’s smile and cheekbones, Shinji’s eye-colour, and his and Toshi’s hair-colour.

And then at Toshi’s eyes, Shinji’s type of hair, Koji’s hair-colour. But staring at his mother, Yuuji doesn’t see anything of himself in her…
Shinji looks a lot like her, but with his hair and length, people always say he looks like their father. Koji inherited a more dark hair-colour from their mother, also he as the exact same eyes as she has, apart from the more dark-blue colour, but his smile is definitely their father’s, like he inherited his body from him.
Toshi seems like a mix of both, just like Koji is, but then blonde. Yuuji noticed earlier how Toshi, apart from his attitude and hair-colour, looks a lot like Koji at that age. But Yuuji doesn’t see himself in any of his parents… He has his father’s eyes, but that was all.
Nothing of the beauty and warmth his mother has in her eyes and smile, the same warmth and kindness Shinji has. Nothing of the free spirit his father seems to show in his attitude, nothing from his recklessness and handsomeness. Koji has all. And Toshi is a combination…
Yuuji has always been unhappy about his looks, the main reason why he dyed his hair and exercised a lot, to see something of his father’s attitude in himself…
He tried everything to send out warmth like his mother, but he never saw his smile warming up anything. He hardly smiles widely anyway…
He never managed, and felt as an outsider seeing all those qualities in his brothers. Yuuji always was different; his brothers are all alike their parents in both; looks and character. Yuuji sometimes feels like a stranger in his own family as he notices all that.

But while staring at this picture, Yuuji realises why he’s in this room again.
And if Shinji still isn’t home, who turned on that light? Since this morning, nobody has been upstairs, apart from him now. Walking out of Shinji’s bedroom, after turning off the light and dropping the photo back on the floor, he peaks with his head into his own; but everything seems fine there. No light on in his own bedroom, which must mean he hadn’t been upstairs, even if it was unconsciously.
Yuuji always keeps his lights on in his bedroom and most of the time forgets to turn off the light in the corridor if he doesn’t go to bed yet, but he never turns the light on there if he doesn’t go to his room…
Yuuji doesn’t understand this, even if it may seem like a little thing, Yuuji knows there has to be someone upstairs. He turns around and faces the only door left on this floor, but as far as he knows; nobody of them likes to come there recently. Nobody hasn’t been there in a while anyway…
Though, Yuuji feels someone has to be in there. And without making any sound, he opens the door carefully.
A small lamp on the night table next to the bed is on, and on the bed, at his father’s side, Yuuji sees how his brother fell asleep, with all his clothes on. Some dried-up tears are still shown on his cheek, the blanket is hit away of him and the parts of his skin that are shown, show that he is cold. His chest goes up and down frequently as he breathes, but his sleep doesn’t seem very peaceful. He rather makes a sad and compassionate picture, and though Yuuji knew he had more problems than he’d shown, this came as a surprise to him.
But finding him here, also makes something inside him emit a warmth through his veins. And as softly as he can, Yuuji walks closer to the bed, and covers him with the blanket. Noticing, that as he does, the expression on his brother’s face seemed to relax a little, but still his sleep seems disturbed by his silent problems.
Yuuji sighs, as he makes sure the blanket will stay at it’s place, he leaves him alone in his parent’s bedroom.
In the morning he won’t mention a word about it.

He wakes up, and for a second he thinks it’s already light. But then he realises the lamp next to him is already (or still) turned on. Looking around him, he realises he fell asleep here after he thought about the things he did and said that evening. He owes his brother an apology, actually. He shouldn’t have gotten angry only cause he wanted to have an actual, mature talk with him…But doing that now, would be unlike him, and he knows Yuuji would be uninterested. He knows he probably scared him off, and he won’t try to talk again soon.
He wonders if he minds or not, but realises that was the reason he ended up here anyway, because he minds. Deep inside, he wants someone to pay attention to him and listen, he knows that if he really wanted him to, Yuuji would have.
But it’s probably too late for that now.
Sighing, and feeling how tears are starting to burn again, Koji lets himself fall into the pillow again. If he concentrates, he can feels his father’s presence here. It’s comforting. Dad always knew what to say to him, he always managed in making him smile again. And this pillow, if you concentrate really well, still smells like he did…

Yuuji groans as he wakes up by another sound again. “It better be you Shinji!” he groans annoyed as he lifts up his head and rubs sleep out of his eyes. As he does, he notices that this time, he finally got it right; The front door opens, and he hears the footsteps of his brother, walking into the living room.
Then Yuuji notices it isn’t entirely dark anymore, as he looks at the clock he sees it’s half past six; Shinji’s got something to explain.
But Yuuji also feels he is too tired to stand up, his back hurts and he feels stiff from sleeping at the kitchen table, even if it only was for a few hours. And even before he could get up, he falls asleep again.

Shinji walks into the living room, he is tired as hell and his feet and neck hurt; when he finally went home he missed the metro and had to wait till the next one, then he fell asleep at the station, and woke up an hour later than intended, missing the other ride home as well. He had to wait till half past five, the ride took half an hour and he also had to walk home…
As Shinji drops his coat and bag in a chair he suddenly sees Yuuji, through the open door of the kitchen. He’s sleeping, with his head on one arm and his chair already turned a bit away from the kitchen table, as if he wanted to stand up but fell asleep before he could.
’He waited for me…’ Shinji realises.
And all guilt from last night returns: Because in the passed few hours with Kenzo and Sakura, Shinji forgot about his brothers for a while...

The Fifth Season

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:34:52 GMT

Title: The Fifth Season
Genre: Comedy/drama
Chapter: 1/? (intro/try-out)
Summary: The four brothers, Shinji, Yuuji, Koji and Toshi all deal with their own and each others problems. Shinji, as the oldest sees it as his task to take care of the three younger ones, against any price.
While the three older brothers (have) become adults, the youngest one stays in his imaginary world.

( Chapter One (intro/try-out) )

( Chapter Two )

( Chapter Three )

While skating through the streets, across some parks and avoiding pedestrians, Koji hardly sees where he is going, and does everything blindly and pure on feeling. He has a red haze in front of his eyes. Stupid Shinji.
At this moment, Koji would wish Shinji would vanish from the earth. Or at least that he would live on his own, build up his own life. Without his older brothers.
Perfect, responsible, handsome, caring, sweet, loving Shinji. The perfect student, friend, brother and… parent. Cause ever since the accident, Shinji is both; their mother and father. At least; he acts as if he is. But he isn’t! They only differ 3 years! He has no authority above Koji, and Koji hates it that everyone seems to think he has.
Yes, on paper Shinji is the one responsible, and yes Shinji is the oldest, but he is not his father. He is NOT.
Dad was different, dad was cool. Koji remembers how his father taught him how to rollerblade, Koji was only four years old, but Shinji and Yuuji both could and he wanted it too. Mum thought he was too young, but dad grinned and took Koji with him on his day off, there he gave him a brand new pair of rollerblades, took Koji at his hands, and stayed in the park with him until Koji was able to skate a bit on his own. Dad was proud of him, he cheered and smiled, he lifted Koji up in the air saying that he was such a special little boy.
That was the last moment Koji had his father for himself. That was the last memory, before…
They left them alone.
And now, Shinji thinks he can replace their father? No. No matter if he looks like him. Shinji will never owe Koji’s respect and love in that way. Never.
Not paying attention to the road, Koji suddenly feels how he rides over a rock and loses control of his board.
While cursing he falls into the bushes, which don’t have their leafs yet. He hears a nasty, ripping sound…
His shirt is ripped off from his belly. The jacket he wears over it is still in good shape and seems unharmed, but one of his favourite shirts is ruined…
Koji gets up and notices the scratches on his hands, none of them are bleeding but they hurt and sting. Some tears are in his eyes, not from the pain of the scratches, not for the ripped shirt…But the familiar feeling that he is not good enough overwhelms him, again. Like so many times, Koji feels as if he fails in everything he does. He is a loser, compared to his brothers, to his father, to everyone. And he tries to hide it, by making everyone notice the things he is good at… Skateboarding, and flirting. Well, what a talents those are.
Koji pushes his eyes together, he may not cry. He never cries. When you fall, you get up, and walk further, with pride.
Like his father taught him, that precious day: Learn from your mistakes.
”You’re a very special little boy Koji, but never forget that whatever you do or may become, you are special to us anyway!”

Yuuji sighs as he looks at the double door of the elementary school, and all children running out of it, cheerfully, happy school is over. Yuuji leans against the wall of the entrance-gate. Staring at all those faces, they seem so innocent but he recognizes some of them, knowing how “innocent” they can be. Waiting for that one child that truly is pure innocence, and he truly doesn’t wan to see his innocence spoiled, but he knows, that sooner or later, he needs to become an actual human.
The other children see him, notice him waiting for someone, and some walk slower to stare at him, they look around to see if there’s a child belonging to him.
”Who are you?” A brutal boy asks impolite.
”Me?” Yuuji grins. “I am Yuuji.”
”What are you doing here Yuuji-san?”
”I am waiting.”
”For who?” Another one asks.
”Why do you want to know that?”
”Because you look cool!” the brutal boy says. And some others nod and mumble concededly.
”Well, thank you.” Yuuji sighs a bit annoyed, then he notices a blonde head coming out of the building.
Toshi stops as he sees his older brother standing at the entrance, surrounded by children. He smiles, and for a second it seems as if he wants to run to Yuuji, but then he stands still again, hesitating to come closer.
Yuuji notices it, smiles and waves to his little brother, then walks to him. “Hey Toshi!”
The children behind him are silenced, then they all start rumouring.
”What are you doing here, nii-chan?” Toshi asks surprised.
”Picking you up, I was around here anyway. So I thought; let’s walk Toshi home.”
Toshi smiles widely, and Yuuji feels comforted.
” Shall we go?” He suggests, and his little brother nods.
All the children stare at the two brothers leaving, while Toshi talks enthusiastically and seems really cheerful, the older brother smiles and asks some questions.
They don’t seem to understand a single thing of it, but Yuuji feels content. His tiny plan, succeeded.
”And I made a drawing Yuuji! Look!” And Toshi opens his backpack to get a small roll of paper out of it.
Yuuji unrolls it, and smiles widely, Toshi drew four figures, one is almost the entire length of the paper, with blonde hair and big blue eyes, he is smiling, next to it, Yuuji recognizes himself, slightly shorter than Shinji and Toshi did his best on the haircut, the drawn-Yuuji even carries a (slightly undersized) guitar, next to that Koji, with his messy black hair and headband, complete with those weird diving-glasses he sometimes wears on it, and then Toshi himself, holding a teddy-bear. The teddy-bear is as big as Toshi, and smiles and lifts up it’s paw, as if it’s waving.
All figures are smiling, but Yuuji realised one thing; Toshi made everyone taller than they are, apart from Toshi himself, he is shorter, looks more like a little child… And Yuuji knows, that this drawing shows it exactly how Toshi sees things.

“Shinji?” Yuuji shouts as he enters the living room. “I brought Toshi home!”
No answer.
”Maybe he is outside?” Toshi suggests. “Do you think he wants to see my drawing?”
”I am sure he will like that a lot Toshi.” Yuuji smiles.
”Where is Koji?”
”Eh, Koji is out. He won’t come home for dinner.”
Toshi seems not to understand that but nods. From his three older brothers, he feels less connected with Koji, but he is impressed by him. Koji always seems to find ways to turn bad things into fun things, he is old, and still he can play. Toshi never sees Yuuji or Shinji make fun like that, even if they laugh, even if Yuuji plays guitar and sings along with his stereo sometimes, he never sees them actually playing. Like Koji sometimes does. But Koji never plays with Toshi. He always plays on his own or with older friends, his games aren’t for “little boys” as he told Toshi.
Toshi runs outside into the garden, calling for Shinji. Then runs back into the house, through all rooms, searching for his older brother.
Yuuji walks to the kitchen meanwhile, opens the fridge and drinks out of a bottle of milk, than he suddenly notices a small note on the table:

”Dear Yuuji and Toshi,
I am off running, and I won’t be able to prepare tonight’s dinner. Pleas forgive me, but I won’t eat at home.
Please don’t be mad, but I’m afraid you shall have to cook, Yuuji. Make sure Toshi eats.
I want to talk to him tomorrow.
He has to be in bed by nine, remember?
love,
Shinji.
P.S: The small drawing of a fire on the stove means “Fire” and when you turn the button around the flame will get stronger or weaker.
P.P.S: Vegetables need to be sliced and cooked before you can eat them.”

Yuuji groans, you make one tiny mistake the first time you cook vegetables and it hunts you the rest of your life. He was fourteen for God’s sake! He couldn’t know that you can’t just eat beans raw and uncooked.
Though the note worries him, Shinji never goes running in the evening, and never that long… And why shouldn’t he eat at home? Where the hell is he going to?
”Yuuji, I can’t find nii-chan.” Toshi says out of the doorstep.
”Ah, yeah he left a note saying he is out running, so tonight it will only be the two of us Toshi!”
”…Then who cooks?”
”I will!”
”Can you?”
”Well, yes. Now I can.”
”Ah okay, cause I don’t wan to eat raw vegetables.” Toshi smiles relieved.
”Who told you that?!” Yuuji says indignantly. Toshi can’t possibly remember that. He was six when that happened.
”Shinji did, when he taught me how to make an omelette.” Toshi says proudly.
”Ah…Well, shall I make you my speciality?”
”YES!” Toshi shouts happily.
”Okay! Spaghetti it is then!” Yuuji laughs. The only meal he can make without recipe. With sauce from a jar…

Staring out of the window, Shinji sits in the metro. He cried, but nobody noticed, thank God. With his fingers he caresses the necklace he always wears, he didn’t let it go ever since he left home this afternoon. Koji’s words hurt him, and the message of the teacher worried him. Shinji feels a bit ill, as if nothing he does is good enough. He wants to protect his family, but why does he have to do everything alone? Well, of course Yuuji is a huge help, but Shinji even worries about him. About his reserved behaviour, how silent he is. And once, Shinji read several of Yuuji’s poems, and that made him shudder. Yuuji also still needs to be taken care of, and Shinji is responsible for all his brothers. He is the oldest, he promised he would take care of them.
But what Koji said today, that he lost his youth… It made Shinji feel horrible, because it’s true. He knows that.
He never goes out, he didn’t speak to any friends since he graduated school, he didn’t date any girls. And when was the last time he really had fun?
Sometimes he shares a laugh with Yuuji, and when he plays games with Toshi he always feels a small spark of happiness in his heart… But that’s too small to make the sorrows disappear. Too small to make him forget what work he has to do, and how fast these three persons who sometimes may give him those sparks, can disappear out of his life as well. He knows that they all will have to leave one day, and on another day…They might leave for good. Lives don’t last forever, he learned that years ago. And everyone who is precious to him, Shinji wants to protect and keep close. If something might happen to any of them, he won’t forgive himself that. Never.
The metro stops. One station left before his destination. Then he’d walk to them, and ask for advice…He took a bag with his sport-clothes with him so Yuuji wouldn’t get suspicious, a bouquet, as always. And some money for dinner, though eating is the last thing he wants to thinks about now.

Koji walks into his favourite noodle-shop, it’s his favourite cause a friend of his works there, his parents own it, which means he can most of the time get dinner for free.
”Koji-kun!” A cheerful voice shouts, and Makoto grins widely when he sees his friend entering. “It’s been a while since I saw you!”
”Yeah I know, sorry for that, but school started again.” Koji apologises as he greets his friend the usual way, their “secret” handshake, which ages from their elementary-school-period, even if Makoto is two years older.
”Maybe it’s time for a new one.” Koji grins as they ended their greet.
”It’s tradition Koji!” Makoto laughs. “Some things should never change.”
”Maybe.” Koji shrugs and drops his coat on a chair, his torn shirt is shown now, and Koji’s entire belly is shown.
”Woaah, what’s that dude?” Makoto laughs as he points at the shirt. “Are we wearing girl’s clothes or has it just shrunk in the laundry?”
”Neither, I fell and it was torn this way. I couldn’t go home to put on a new one, if it’s inappropriate I will leave my jacket on-“
”Since when do you care what’s inappropriate or not Koji?” Makoto laughs. “And it doesn’t matter, it’s not that busy today, it’s just a Monday after all.” That was true, there were hardly any costumers eating in the small restaurant. Koji grins, and sits down.
”Actually, I kind of like my shirt this way.”
”Why, cause chicks can now see more of your “Devine Body”?”
”Partially.” Koji grins. “And I don’t know, it’s cool, it feels as if it suits my style. Maybe I will cut another shirt off as well.”
Makoto laughs. “Do whatever you can’t resist, but if you don’t mind I won’t show my six-pack to the world yet, it’s not ready for it.” And he pets his tummy. Koji laughs; Makoto may not be fat, definitely not, but both of them know that his belly is not even close to a six-pack. Koji comes closer to it, but he is just muscled in a natural way, on top of that; he is thin, and has a narrow middle with a wide chest. The body of a swimmer or a model, some girls told him. Koji doesn’t really care what it looks like, but he is happy with his muscular building, better than Yuuji’s narrow chest and overly long legs, it makes him female. Even if Yuuji is taller. And Shinji is almost ridiculously tall, with his length he always peaks out above other pedestrians, most of the time. Even Koji is not short, but at least a rather more regular length. Yuuji and Shinji were both tallest of their class, Koji comes second or third. Makoto here, is also taller.

“So, usual menu Hattori-san?” Makoto asks overly polite.
”Yes please, sir. And may I request you to join me at my dinner?”
”Aw, I am afraid I am not allowed to date costumers.”
Koji punches him on the shoulder. “Autch! Okay, I’m sitting down already!” Makoto laughs. “You truly need to do something about your aggression Koji-kun. By the way, why are you actually eating here today?”
Koji shrugs. “I just didn’t want to be at home. My brother was being a pain in the ass.”
”Really? I find him rather kind. And how’s that other one, Yuuji? I’ve been in class with him once.”
”I know. And he’s fine. At least he is moping less about me and my life, truly, Shinji must remember that he’s not my father, dude.”
”I guess he feels responsible for you.” Makoto shrugs.
”He shouldn’t. I can take care of myself.” Koji reacts decisively, but he knows that it isn’t entirely true. He is horrible when it comes to tasks in the household, and dealing with money, plus he never worked a single day of his life yet.
”Hmm, if you say so…” Makoto says. “But well, it is true that he is only three and a half years older. Does he also tell the one in between of you what to do?”
”If Yuuji would misbehave probably yes. But Yuuji is perfect, so I don’t think that ever happened.” Koji says annoyed.
”Someone sounds a bit jealous.” Makoto grins.
”Oh shut up. I am not jealous of any of those retards, Shinji is a grandpa with no gram of spontaneity in his ass and Yuuji is a girly poetic emo-ish little loser, with his guitar and his poems, and that weird haircut of his.”
Makoto looks at his friend while he said that, only his tone shows that he is not completely honest, mostly not towards himself.

“It’s just that-“ Koji continues, and Makoto also realises that something is really bothering him, otherwise he never talks that much about his life at home. “that Shinji needs to take care of himself as well and he forgets that, and I am not allowed to say that cause then it isn’t true. But he does have the right to tell me everything. While he is dying under all that responsibility! I do notice some things, like that he sleeps horribly, that he starts to look older just cause of the stress, that his concern for Toshi is killing him. He just thinks he has to do everything, and forgets Yuuji and I can do stuff too! I mean…In a year and a half I’ll become eighteen, and Yuuji turns nineteen in a week, Shinji JUST turned twenty, this all just doesn’t make any sense! “ Koji slams on the table with his fist, he looks frustrated. “He just must realise that if he continues like this, concerning too much and taking care of everything, he will die cause of it! He is twenty for God’s sake and he didn’t have any friends over in years! If he would just pay less time in being my father, I will be more relaxed and HE would be AS WELL!”
Makoto sighs. “And…did you tell him you think of it this way?”
”That’s quite impossible when he drives me crazy with his horrible lectures.” Koji mumbles. “At those moments, it’s too hard for me being justified, then I just want to throw something at him and prove he’s wrong. Even if he isn’t. Sometimes. Rarely.”
Makoto grins, though the situation is serious, Koji admitting someone else is right, in public, means that he is behaving seriously. And when Koji behaves seriously, then something’s wrong.

Shinji knows where it is, he comes here more often. With the bouquet in his hand he walks over the small, though tidy path, flowerbeds growing next to it, kept tidy by gardeners. The moon brings a mysterious light on this place, almost scary, but rather a sad light. You can feel the pain of this place.
Not letting his necklace go for a single second, Shinji walks to them.
The inscription was chosen by their grandmother and aunts, whom they never saw after it happened. Grandmother died and the rest of the family just forgot of the four children.
”The sky broke, it’s rain symbolizes our tears for the loss, though knowing we will once all return to heaven, wait for me there.”
It was one of dad’s lines, they found it in his office, Shinji knows he liked to write poetry, Yuuji inherited that talent of him.
On the other;
”In spring a blossom looked at the sun, in fall it said goodbye, like your eyes closed on that certain day when fall knocked on the door, I will wait for the spring again.”
It are long inscriptions, but both written by dad. They’re couplets of one poem, though Shinji could never find the original one. Someone must have taken it with him or her. Though Shinji wants to have it, he doesn’t know why…It would be a comforting thought.
He sighs and puts the bouquet in between of their stones, their graves are straight next to each other, no space in between, as they wanted it.
If Shinji would ever die, he wants to lie next to them.
”Dad,” Shinji whispers. “Mama…” A tear falls from his cheek. “I can’t do this on my own anymore…I need help! I- I need you… You left too early! Please, just…help me being a better brother for the others, I know I will never be able to replace you and I don’t want that! But…I don’t want them to become like me… Yuuji needs to go to college, he has so much talent dad, you would be so proud if you’d see him. And Koji, I am sure he can become a fine strong man, but he doesn’t realise that he can’t do whatever he wants, how can I make that clear to him mama? He never listens to me…And why should he.
And Toshi, I told you before how concerned I am…He misses you, like Yuuji misses you, like Koji misses you, like I miss you. But Toshi needs his parents, and I can’t be his parent! I can’t!” Shinji cries. “Please, mama, dad, help me to make Toshi happy again! To make them all happy!”
”Perhaps,” a voice says from behind him and Shinji is startled by that sudden sound. “You should take better care of them?”
A man makes step closer into Shinji’s direction and puts his hand on his shoulder. “It’s natural you want to take all responsibility, but don’t blame yourself that it is too much for you Shinji-kun.” Aoi says comforting.
”A-Aoi-san,” Shinji stutters. “I just…I just want them all to be happy!”
”I understand that Shinji! We all want you and your brothers to be happy! We want nothing but the best for you! But maybe, you can’t give them the best this way? Not that you don’t do your job well! But think of Toshi, he needs parents as you said. And actually Koji could use some too…”
”Wh-what are you trying to suggest?”
”For Yuuji it is too late of course, I mean, he is an adult now. But Koji is only sixteen, and Toshi really needs help.”
”Are you saying that-“ Shinji says shocked, dried-up tears are on his cheeks.
”Foster parents would take good care of both of them Shinji. And you can finally share your concerns, even let them go! Yuuji and you are adults and big boys, you can take care of yourselves.”
”I don’t know Aoi-san- I-I don’t want to leave them alone.”
”You won’t Shinji! You won’t! They would have caring parents! We could find help for Toshi and your brothers will have enough to eat! For Yuuji and you is there more than enough money.” Aoi smiles.
Shinji looks at him, he was a good friend of his parents, his father’s best friend, and he always was like an uncle when Yuuji and Shinji were little. He still comes to visit every once in a month, and he always said that if they needed help Shinji could ask him anything. He had been Toshi’s and Koji’s teacher for a while as well…Yuuji was never that fond of him though, he finds him a bootlicker. But Shinji always appreciated his concern and advices. But this…
”I need to think about this Aoi-san.”
”I understand. “He smiles. Then he walks to the graves, and seems to talk into himself for a while.
Shinji shudders, he wants to leave, he says goodbye to Aoi and walks out of the graveyard,
Aoi follows him with his eyes. Sighs, and then stares at the graves again.
”I will take care of your sons. But how can I protect him for himself? He is rather like you Hiro, wants to do everything on his own. You couldn’t safe yourself and look where it brought you…The oldest one is too much like you. For his own good, the others have to leave before it’s too late.”

Yuuji sits down with his acoustic guitar and plays for a bit in the living room, it’s half past 10, and Shinji nor Koji came home yet. Yuuji put Toshi in bed a while ago, after they played a card game together. Toshi seemed to like this “quality time” with Yuuji, and Yuuji has to admit he liked it to spend some time with his little brother, it has been a while since he did that.
While playing a soft melody, Yuuji suddenly notices a door opening. For a second he thinks it’s Koji or Shinji, finally coming home, but then he realises it was a door from inside the house. He looks over his shoulder and sees how Toshi stands in the doorstep of the living room, holding Kun-Kun in his arms.
”Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” Yuuji smiles.

“I can’t sleep, and Kun-Kun and I want to hear a song.” Toshi says softly.
”A song?”
”Yes, we heard a song, it was nice…”
Yuuji plays a bit further on his guitar. “You mean this?”
”Yes!” Toshi says enthusiastically. “Can I please listen to it, nii-chan?”
Yuuji smiles wider. “Sure. Come and sit down for a short while then, but after this song you have to go back to bed!”
”Yes, two songs, and I’ll go back!” Toshi nods.
”I said- Ah well, what does it matter.” Yuuji grins, and he continues playing. After a while he suddenly notices that Toshi came closer and closer, and now leans on him with his thumb in his mouth, with his head on Yuuji’s shoulder and his legs curled up against his body, Kun-Kun clung in his arms. He fell asleep.
Yuuji smiles as he sees this adorable picture. Toshi really is a little boy…Even when he sleeps he is younger than he actually is.
Then Yuuji realises it’s already past eleven, if Shinji comes home, and he will soon, he’d get angry at Yuuji for not putting Toshi into bed.
Carefully, Yuuji puts his guitar against the couch, then puts his arm around Yuuji’s neck, with the other he carries his legs. Slowly and gently Yuuji lifts Toshi up and brings him back to his room, it has been a while since Yuuji was here for the last time. Toys are spread over the floor, the walls are dark-blue with painted yellow stars, Yuuji remembers how dad did that.
Gently he puts Toshi into his bed, and covers him under the blanket.
As Yuuji sees him sleeping like that, he feels touched and worried. He caresses Toshi’s blonde head softly, then wants to leave. But at that point Toshi suddenly moans softly in his sleep, and then says something;
”Don’t worry Okaa-san,” As he holds Kun-Kun even stronger in his grip. “They will protect me.”
With tears in his eyes, Yuuji softly closes the door.

The Fifth Season

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:58:38 GMT

( Chapter One (intro/try-out) )

( Chapter Two )

”ONE, TWO, AND ONE TWO THREE FOUR!” Yuuji shouts as he jams along on one of his favourite songs by one of his favourite bands. He knows this song out of his head, every chord and note of the lead-guitarist he can play along perfectly. Going up in his guitar-playing, Yuuji didn’t notice Shinji knocking on his door.
”THERE’S TOO MANY QUESTIONS AND TOO MANY STRINGS AND IT WON’T KEEP THIS THING TIED, ON A ROLLERCOASTER-RIDE, IT FEELS LIKE I’M LYING NEXT TO A GHOST AT NIGHT! I DON’T KNOW WHY I GAVE YOU MY HEART CAUSE SOMETIMES IT FEELS SO WRO- SHINJI! BUGGER OFF!” Yuuji suddenly stopped playing and singing (well.. rather shouting) along as he notices his older brother standing in the doorstep.
Shinji couldn’t help but grinning. “Sorry Yuuji.”
”You know I want you to knock first!” Yuuji is blushing while putting away his “baby” , a rather expensive black electric guitar. It took Yuuji all his savings and several side-jobs after school to gain the money for it, Shinji knows how proud Yuuji is of the guitar. It’s like Koji and his skateboards.
”Yuuji-kun, I just got a call from a teacher.” Shinji continues, more serious now.
”Oh god, what did Koji do?” Yuuji grins.
”It was not about Koji.”
”Not? But…What would a teacher want from me now? I graduated already months ago!” Yuuji says indignant.
”Yuuji, it was about Toshi.”
Yuuji doesn’t really like the tone his brother uses now, and a slight presumption is coming up. Shinji is going to ask him stuff about Toshi which Yuuji really didn’t want to tell him.
”Toshi?” Yuuji acts as if he is surprised. “Since when does Toshi cause trouble?”
”The teacher said he didn’t. Though I wondered, maybe you know anything about this? Maybe Toshi told you something or anything…You see, I am afraid this will be about Kun-Kun and, well, maybe about our parents or home-situation. I know the director and Yamamoto-san solved it, but still. Maybe they want him to see a psychologist or anything?”
”Possible.” Yuuji avoids eye-contact with his older brother. “But how am I supposed to know that stuff? Toshi never really talks to me, rather to you and you know that.”
”Well I don’t know, he likes you as well, you used to always read him bedtime stories and stuff, I thought that he maybe-“
”Bedtime stories? Shinji that’s ages ago!” Yuuji laughs. “I know he is mentally quite young, but I don’t want to support him in staying a child forever.”
Shinji silently nods and bites his lip. “Anyway, that teacher is going to pay a house-visit in an hour-“
”What? Wow, that’s fast.”
”I guess she wants to talk about something serious. Anyway she’s coming within an hour, so better prepare yourself for a visitor Yuuji.”
”Well, I have to do grocery-shopping anyway, I’ll go within 50 minutes and with a bit of luck I’ll miss her then. I don’t like teachers.” He grins.
”And you just don’t want to get involved in that conversation.” Shinji grins.
”That too.” Yuuji laughs. “And now get out of my room!”

“I told you it wouldn’t work.” Akira says disappointed as their English teacher, a horrible and mean old man with actual British parents, steps on the almost invisible little wire in the corridor, but nothing happens.
”Just wait a little while my friend.” Koji grins. “ It will work!”
They’re hidden around the corner and watch every step their most hated teacher makes,
”No Koji, it’s not wor-“
”AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!” A male voice shouts.
”What did you say Aki?” Koji laughs, as their English teacher is suddenly soaked with water and ink, fired by a bucket above his head, placed on the lockers, and two water-guns, of which one filled with ink.
”OH WOW COOL!” Akira shouts.
”Quiet you idiot!” Koji shouts, and he places a hand in front of his friends mouth. Though the teacher heard him, cause he turns around and marches into their direction, he never looked as furious as now.
”Shit, Aki, RUN!” And the two run as fast as they can, away from the place of the crime. The teacher shouts, but they don’t hear their names, a good sign.
Koji and Akira run into their classroom, and sit down next to their other friends.
”Ookaaay, where do you two come from?” Shun asks.
”Nowhere.” Koji grins innocently. “Right Akira?”
”Y-yeah, just…Getting some fresh air.” Akira gasps.
”-And exercise!” Koji adds quickly, to explain the gasping.
”…Right.” Shun says suspicious. “And what have you really-“
”EVERYONE HERE, DON’T MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS!” A furious male voice shouts from the doorstep, and suddenly the entire class falls quiet, but then the students start to laugh. The soaked and partial dark-blue coloured teacher is gasping and his face is red from anger, but he makes a ridiculous sight in the doorstep.
Koji can’t help but grinning proudly as he sees the great result of his joke, it took him days of planning and preparing.
Shun now looks at Koji with great admiration. “You,” he whispers. “are my hero.”
And Koji grins even wider. A step closer to his goal; being famous, for being Koji.

Sakura walks through the small front-yard and takes a deep breath before she rings the doorbell.A short silence, but then she hears movement from behind the door, and then it opens.
He is young, very young. Or at least he looks like that. His blonde hair is fashionable though naturally cut, as if it always falls in front of his eyes, whatever he does. His friendly blue eyes meet hers, and his smile is as friendly and comforting as his laugh she heard on the phone. He looks exactly like she imagined, though younger. And the hair-colour is a surprise.
”Hattori-san?” She asks hesitating, maybe this was an older brother or anything.
”Yes, are you Nozomi-sensei?” No, it’s not a brother. His voice is the voice she heard on the phone. This man, is actually the father of that poor child.
”I am.” She smiles.
”Please, do come in!” He answers and lets her through.

She is younger than he expected, that makes him even more nervous. He can definitely handle talking to older women, but women of his own age, or slightly older, that’s a different problem. Aw, why is he so bad with women? Could it be that Koji inherited also his skills in flirting? Cause he appears to have an overdose of talent when it comes down to that.
Shinji wonders what it will be this woman wants to talk about, probably that what he feared and explained towards Yuuji. Even if he had the feeling his brother knew more than he wanted to tell…
”Please, sit down.” Shinji asks friendly, while offering her a seat in the small living room, where, thank God, not a single underpants is hanging over the telly this time. “Can I offer you some tea, Nozomi-sensei?
”Oh, yes please Hattori-san.” She smiles.
Shinji grins, being called Hattori-san makes him feel old, definitely by a girl of his own age,. “Please, do call me Shinji.” He says without thinking.
”Shinji-san.” She repeats softly. Blushing a bit.
”Ah, eh well, I’ll get your tea.” Shinji mumbles realising her colour and feeling how nerves return. Oh shit, there it goes again. Well, as long as the rest of the conversation will be about serious things nothing will go wrong. Probably.

While serving the tea, Shinji at least notices his hands aren’t shaking, which is good. He is calm, and not interested in her which would make everything way more easy. As long as she won’t blush anymore…
”So,” he starts, as he takes place in a chair in front of her. “you wanted to talk about Toshi?”
”Eh, yes Hat- eh Shinji-san. You see, I wondered, why Toshi always carries that little teddy-bear with him?” It seemed like the best question to begin with.
Shinji looks a bit uncomfortable, this is indeed going the way he feared. “Ehm, well that bear is very special to him and carries a certain memory for Toshi, I guess the bear helps him bare a certain lose better.” Shinji tries to hint her about the situation, she must know about it. Most teachers on that school know, cause it happened when Koji was still in there, and Toshi was probably already in the first grade or something.
”A certain lose?” Sakura asks a bit surprised. She doesn’t seem to have any clue about the issue, which makes Shinji more uncomfortable.
”Ehm, yes. That bear was the last gift he got from his mother.” Shinji mumbles, staring at the ground.
’His mother? …So, that must mean-‘ Sakura feels how she gets shocked. That poor child doesn’t have a mother anymore, and this young man must have lost his beloved wife on a very young age!
”I am so sorry to hear.” She says softly.
Shinji looks up again and smiles a bit. “It is ok. It happened years ago, but Toshi was too young to realise, I guess he is traumatised and uses the bear as a way to feel connected with her again. The bear turned into his best friend, almost straight after it happened. He calls him Kun-Kun, cause he couldn’t find a regular name and used to call him Bear-kun.” Shinji smiles again, though a bit sad. “After that, he started to close up more and more. He lives in a little fantasy world, in which he probably escapes the rough reality, where he doesn’t feel that lonely, where he is still at the age when you don’t have to think about problems, and where you can play all day long. I partially see it as my fault and responsibility, after it happened I should have spent more attention to him. Maybe then he would have realised he is not alone.”
Sakura stares at him, this story almost worked on her tears, it’s so sad. Such a young family, torn apart by death. A father who can’t reach his child anymore and the child escapes reality. It does make a lot clear.

“Though this makes me understand a lot more, Shinji-san, I am afraid Toshi’s classmates don’t. You see sir, they pick on Toshi and bully him. Tease him with his bear…” She brings it carefully and hesitating, but as soon as she said it Shinji looks up and his eyes are suddenly bright, with a spark in it of anger, but also are they worried and shocked. He has very impressive and open eyes. She realises, the little boy almost has the same eyes, though even larger than this man. It is clear they have Western roots, everything reminds you of it, the hair-colour, the eyes, and in Shinji’s case; his body. He is really tall, even for a man, Sakura noticed this from the first second she saw Toshi, but Shinji has the same look; with a slight amount of Asian genetics. The looks of the man intrigue her.
”Bullied?” Shinji repeats. “…Really?”
”I am afraid so sir. That is why I am here actually.”
Shinji swallows, why didn’t he tell him about that? Why not?
”How- How does Toshi react on that?” He asks.
”Differs from day to day, but most of the time he seeks a place where the others can’t find him and talks to his bear. I always see him underneath a tree, I don’t work at the school for that long, but as far as I know it already goes on for a long while. I called you because I see Toshi…Well I find him crying more often recently.”
”And, doesn’t any teacher interfere? Do something about it?”
”Not really, I see Toshi sometimes when I am inside the building, but I am never the one watching over the children during the breaks. Though I believe it mostly happens when Toshi comes to school in the morning, perhaps… well perhaps it is an idea not to let him walk to school alone anymore?” She suggests hesitating. “I also, of course, informed other teachers, but since Toshi never complained about anything, we can’t really do something.”
Shinji stares blindly at the ground again for a while. ‘Not to let him walk to school alone anymore…Not to let him-‘ “Damn Koji!” he mumbles angrily.
”S-sorry?”
”Nothing, Nozomi-sensei.” Shinji says quickly and he smiles again. “I thank you deeply for telling me this and for your concern.” And he bows his head.
Sakura blushes a bit again, she was so nervous about doing this, it is against the school rules, and if Aoi-san would find out she is in deep trouble. But it felt like the right thing to do, she HAD to go to see Toshi’s family, and now she knows why. She won’t see this man and this house for the last time. She will do her best to help Toshi, and Shinji.
Suddenly, the phone rings and breaks through the silence.

”Excuse me Nozomi-sensei.” Shinji says, as he stands up to answer it.
”Hallo?
Yes, this is the house of the Hattori-family.
Yes, you’re speaking with.
Sorry, I am afraid I don’t understand- ah. I see.
Of course sir. I am on my way.” And then he hung up.
”I am very sorry Nozomi-sensei, but I have to ask you to leave. I have to go to- eh, a meeting.” Shinji apologises. “I , again, thank you for your help and concern. I will speak with Toshi about this issue, and I’ll try to find a solution. Perhaps I’ll see you again, let’s hope to share better news.” And he bows his head again, and lets her out.

”YOU, YOU-“ Brandon-sensei shouts to him. “YOU ARE THE SCUM OF SOCIETY! A THREAT FOR THIS SCHOOL AND ALL IT’S STUDENTS! I AM SURE THAT ONE DAY, YOU WILL END UP IN JAIL! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ON THIS YOUNG MAN?”
Koji moans and shoves a bit on his chair. “This chair is rather uncomfortable, Brandon-sensei.”
The English teacher even gets more furious, while he restarts his shouting some saliva spats out of his mouth and lands on Koji’s face.
”Eww, gross.” Koji mumbles as he wipes it away, completely ignoring all the insults his teacher shouts at him. It appeared he did recognize him and Akira while running through the corridor, and now Koji sits in his office, waiting for the principal and probably his mentor. Then he gets a lecture and some lame punishment, like cleaning the classrooms on a Friday-afternoon or something, and then he can go home again.
”You brat! I know what you’re thinking, that you’re getting away with this again by just doing a small task such as cleaning eh? Well not this time, Hattori. Not this time.”
”Eh?!” Koji now suddenly does listen to his teacher. No cleaning? No relaxing swabbing-fight with his fellow punished-ones?
”Yes, Hattori. Because today you went too far. WAY TOO FAR. I called to your home, and the one responsible for you is on his way. Plus you will receive detention for a month. AND you are suspended from any school-activities. Which includes our annual school-trip, this year to a snowboard hall Hattori. And this will cause you a remark on your school reports, this will be filed!”

“…Ooh, okay, I was already afraid something horrible was going to happen. But if you only called home then it’s fine.”
”DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE SUSPENDED FROM ALL SCHOOL-ACTIVITIES!”
”Yeah, so? I don’t like school, I dislike activities. So together they aren’t much fun either Brandon-sensei.” Koji says nagging. “Plus; I already had a problem with the fall-prom anyway. I promised four girls to go with them, now I am released from that as well!”
Ken Brandon wants to open his mouth, in his twenty years as an educator he never saw such a horrible student as this one, there is nothing to begin with him, he never listens, he doesn’t do his homework though he still passes his class, how hard Brandon makes it for him, he always finds his ways. Koji made him life sour ever since they met, and so does Brandon hate him ever since they met. But whatever punishment he gives, Koji turns it into a party for him.
But though the teacher wanted to open his mouth to shout further, he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
”YES?!” He shouts interrupted and angry.
Carefully, Shinji opens the door. “You asked for me, Brandon-sensei?”
”Hattori-san.” Ken Brandon never had Shinji as his student, but he knows this is the oldest brother out of four. Every teacher here knows about the situation. Brandon would have preferred a severe father, but as long as this young man has any authority above his younger brat of a brother, he can be of use. “You know your brother, I assume.”
Shinji looks at Koji, while Koji looks back while grinning, and innocently blinking with his eyes.
”I am afraid so, sir.”
”Better be ashamed indeed, Hattori-san. This afternoon your younger brother did something unforgivable. Please sit down, and listen.”

”KOJI!”
Yuuji looks up from his guitar-playing in the living room as he hears the door opening and his brothers enter, but continues after realising it’s just Shinji shouting Koji’s name, and Koji heading for his bedroom with an annoyed and slightly angry expression on his face. That happens more often.
”KOJI, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!”
”I don’t know, It was just a joke! Just relax and don’t be such a party-pooper Shinji.” Koji shrugs and he wants to walk away from his brother.
”HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! YOU ARE STAYING HERE KOJI!” Shinji really does sound furious, that rarely happens, while playing, Yuuji now opens his ears to follow the fight behind him, without interfering. It’s none of his business.
“WE HAVE SOME STUFF TO DISCUSS!” Shinji continues.
”OH PLEASE,” Koji starts shouting now as well. “ “We have some stuff to discuss” “ He repeats with a childish nagging voice. “ Well for your information gramps; I HAVE NOTHING TO EXPLAIN TOWARDS YOU!”

“OH YES YOU HAVE! First of all; what you did today was a shameful and childish action! Don’t you EVER think about your future?! What will become of you if you keep on behaving as if you are thirteen?! And what will people think of our family when you will be expelled?!”
”OH PLEEEAAASE,” Koji shouts again. “ First of all: You and saint Yuuji already fixed our family name so the only one who’d get blamed would be me! AND THAT’S MY OWN CHOICE! BUT MOST OF ALL SHINJI: STOP BEHAVING LIKE MY FATHER, CAUSE YOU ARE NOT! YOU AREN’T DAD! AND YOU WILL NEVER BECOME LIKE HIM! I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOU OR RESPECT YOU AS MY FATHER, CAUSE YOU ARE MY BROTHER! AND I AM NOT THE ONE BEHAVING YOUNGER THAN I AM, I AM BEHAVING PERFECTLY LIKE MY AGE! I AM ENJOYING MY YOUTH! SOMETHING YOU HAVE LOST COMPLETELY GRAMPS! AND THE ONE BEHAVING YOUNGER THAN HE IS, IS TOSHI SO RATHER GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!”
”AH GOOD YOU MENTION TOSHI! CAUSE SECONDLY, I ASKED YOU TO BRING HIM TO SCHOOL! THEN HOW COME A TEACHER JUST TOLD ME HE ARRIVES ALONE EVERY MORNING?!”

“Ah you’re CRAZY! I bring him to school every morning! I just don’t walk him through the gates but PLEASE, he would get picked at if I did! I mean, we can’t hold his hand forever you know! YOU may think we must protect him, but I think that giving him more freedom would be better for him! It’s not like you owe all wisdom you know!”
”Well you definitely don’t have any brains up there! Look at your last school reports!”
”Ah well for your information; I am not failing and just passing the year, thank you! AND NOW I AM SICK OF THIS DISCUSSION GRAMPS! I am off, skateboarding. Won’t be there for dinner and I HOPE YOU’LL CHOKE IN IT!” and with that Koji leaves the house by using the doors to the garden.
Yuuji still behaves like nothing is happening and didn’t stop playing, apart from when Koji mentioned “ saint Yuuji”.
Shinji groans, he seems frustrated and hurt, but mostly worried. “And Yuuji PLEASE QUIT PLAYING NOW. Okay?”
Without saying anything, Yuuji stands up and puts his guitar away.
Those two fight more often, but this was…serious. Even for their habit. They usually don’t shout that much, definitely Shinji not. And Yuuji knows Koji hit a very sensitive string saying Shinji is not his father and will never become like him…
In fact, Shinji looks more like dad every day…

The Fifth Season

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:34:16 GMT

( Chapter One (intro/try-out) )

”G’morning.” Koji moans as he walks out of his bedroom, and bumps into Shinji, who looks fresh and energetic, wearing his sport-clothes. Koji himself only wears a boxer, the sleep isn’t out of his eyes yet, and his hair is even more messy than usual.
It is seven o’clock in the morning, not Koji’s best time of the day. Definitely not on Monday, which means: School.
”Good morning!” Shinji smiles friendly. “ Ah eh, Yuuji is in the bathroom.” He says, as Koji tries to open the locked door at the end of the small corridor between the living room and the two bedrooms on the first floor.
”Lovely.” Koji moans.
”I am off for a run, breakfast is ready, lunches are prepared. Be sure to wake Toshi within five minutes eh?”
”…Breakfast in five minutes, I’ll have Toshi for lunch.” Koji mumbles, half-sleeping against the wall.
Shinji stares at him. “I guess, I’ll wait till Yuuji is done...” He mumbles as he notices the bit of saliva falling out of Koji’s mouth.

As soon as Shinji made sure his brothers would make it to school in time, he leaves the house.
Shinji graduated from high school two years ago, now being twenty years old, he found his family a priority above college and career. Though it is hard to find a job and he keeps on switching almost every month, his family does have enough to eat and they don’t have to worry about money, at least for the coming three years.
Shinji sighs, then breathes in some fresh, sweet, morning-air. The scent of the autumn brings peace into his soul and the air is cold, though pleasant.
It will be a lovely bright day today, the sun will soon start to warm up the trees and the ground, and the city will start to live.
The rush hour is probably already starting, but not here.
Not in Shinji’s thoughts, and not around their house and neighbourhood. And even if it would, Shinji wouldn’t notice; he started running again.
One of the things he loves most in life. Running feels like freedom.
He can forget every sorrow on his mind, but at the same time think as clear as he never can at home. He can release all the stress, and find solutions for his problems.
He can. But now he doesn’t.
Running is his way of releasing pressure, stress, or any other negative emotion.
Shinji loves it, and always had. Back in high school, he was the captain of the athletics-team, and still Shinji runs almost every day, he prefers in the morning.
The mornings are so quiet, for Shinji, the morning means silence and peace, the moment before the big city awakes, the moment when the world doesn’t really turn.
The moment when he feels free.

Shinji smiles, and moves his hand to his neck, holding the necklace he always wears. Always…
”We’ll always be there for you, dear Shinji. Remember that.”

Yuuji only stood up to go to the bathroom, though he almost tended to start looking for his school uniform again, but then realized he didn’t have one anymore.
He graduated, already five months ago he graduated. And within two months, he’ll become nineteen years old.
On the exact first day of the winter, Yuuji celebrates his birthday. Though this year, it won’t be a cold first winter-day. The softness of the autumn is still in the air, though maybe winter will show up soon enough.
Yuuji lies down in his bed again and stares at the ceiling and the wall across his bed. Several posters of rock-bands cover the dark-green paint.
One wall of his room doesn’t contain any posters, but one gigantic painted rose, in black and many colours of red, on a very dark green background, which becomes lighter to the left side of the wall, following the pattern the sun shines into his bedroom. Detailed and beautifully drawn…
Yuuji remembered when he painted it, it was years ago. A few weeks after…
’Never mind, let’s not think about that again.’ And Yuuji turns his gaze away from the painted rose, and looks at the wall next to his bed, that one is a continuation of the green background of the rose, with two small windows above his bed. He opens the curtain with one hand.
The first sunshine of the day blinds him for a few seconds, and make his dark room lighter and adds a warm, red shine.
Like a friend that welcomes him to another day, the painted rose seems to open his petals even wider.
”Don’t worry, Yuuji. We’ll always be watching over you.”

Koji moans as he leaves for school, together with Toshi. Toshi’s elementary school is on the way to Koji’s high school, and since it’s still dark in the morning, Koji had to promise to Shinji to always walk along with Toshi and make sure he gets safe in school.
Koji thinks “safe in school” is assured when they see the building, from that point Koji takes his skateboard and rides to his school on that. So does he this morning.

“Bye, see you later!” he grins to Toshi, shapes a “v” in the air with his fingers and blinks to his younger brother, as he jumps on the brand-new skateboard and rides away with an admirable speed.
Toshi doesn’t pay any attention to it, Koji does that every day. But the other children in the schoolyard run through the gate and stare at Koji till he is out of sight.
None of them sees the link between him and little Toshi, the girly weirdo with his teddy-bear and imaginary friends. Because, how can they possible have something to do with each other?!

As Koji is nothing but a small spot shifting through the traffic, the children start to pay attention to other things again.
And that’s when Toshi gets noticed;
”Look! It’s Toshi! Toshi, where’s your little bear today?”
”Yeah, did you finally leave it at home?”
”Have you become wise, Toshi? Or are you just scared of us?”
All children laugh as Toshi stares at his feet. He blushes.
”Stupid little Toshi, with your stupid little bear! And look at him! He blushes! Like a girl!”
”But he is like a girl anyway! Look at his hair!”
”Yeah! Only girls have ponytails!”
”YEAH!” All boys shout.
”And only girls play with stuffed animals!”

“Yeah!”
”And his hair! It isn’t only in a ponytail, it’s also blonde!”
”Did you dye it, Toshi?”
”Yeah, did you? And do you also wear make-up?”
”And do you secretly steal your mother’s clothes? And look if you can become as ugly as she?”
Now, Toshi feels how tears start to burn.
”AH! LOOK! HE IS CRYING!” One of them shouts. “Toshi is a gi~irl! Toshi is a gi~irl!”
And all of them laugh and start to sing along.
Toshi runs away, far away from the children. To the playground of the little children, the youngest children.
There, Toshi drops himself next to a tree, puts his arms around his knees and cries.
He cries loudly and hard, many, many tears fall from his cheeks.
He gets Kun-Kun out of his backpack, and puts the bear on his lap.
”Are they being mean to you again Toshi?” Kun-Kun asks softly.
”Y-Yes.” Toshi softly answers. “Th-They, they, they-“
”What did they say?” Kun-Kun whispers softly, with his soft furry arms he hugs Toshi and strokes his back.
Toshi buries his head into Kun-Kun’s soft belly. “They said mean things about okaa-san.” He softly whispers.
Meanwhile, Toshi didn’t notice he wasn’t alone with Kun-Kun anymore.
A young woman looks worried at him from a distance, it is the third time she sees the little boy crying underneath that tree.
”Nozomi-sensei!” A tiny boy squeaks and he pulls at her skirt. “Look! I made a drawing!”
”That is great Jiro!” She smiles. “Let’s go back inside to the others!” And she takes the little boy at his hand and brings him back to his classmates, her class. Though her thoughts are with the little boy under the tree, and his teddy-bear.

Koji feels the wind through his hair while his skateboard brings him to his school. Every time when he catches in with a person he can feel how an admiring and impressed gaze follows him. Koji loves the attention, to show what he’s good at. To show how special he is.
Because Koji is unique, and he shall prove it to the world.
He isn’t the best student of the class, or the captain of the athletics-team, he isn’t in a band and he didn’t write a prize-winning poem.
He is Koji.
And the world will only know him as Koji. Just as Koji.
People will admire him, just for who he is, and not for what he is expected to be. Not because people pity him, or are impressed by his name. Just because he is Koji.

As he rides through the school-gates, many students already look at him.
”Look! Hattori Koji-kun!”
”Wow, what an awesome skateboard!”
”Koji! Dude! How’re you doing?!”
”Look, that is Koji, isn’t he incredibly hot?”
”I heard he dated with Nozomi Momoko, the richest girl in school!”
”And he kissed with Love, that famous female singer!”
”And I heard his brothers-“
And at that point Koji stopped listening. He got off the skateboard already and blows a black lock of hair out of his eyes. He grins as he passes a group of girls who look adoringly at him.
With his skateboard under his arm, and one hand in his pocket, Koji walks into the school-building.
”Good morning.” He says calmly as he enters the classroom.
”KOJI!” Akira shouts, one of his many friends. “Good morning!”
”Anything new?” Koji asks, while sitting on top of Akira’s table, quasi-nonchalantly putting the skateboard on his desk.
Akira stares at it with huge eyes, and many other guys surround his desk.
Koji acts like he doesn’t pay attention to it, but looks at their impressed expressions from the corners of his eyes.
”K-Koji-kun…Where did you get that skateboard?”
Koji grins wider. “Huh? Oh, this one? I bought it yesterday. Why, do you like it?”
”Like it?!” Akira says. “It’s-“
”Awesome!” another boy exclaims.
”Brilliant!”

“Amazing…”
”Can I touch it Koji?”
”Could I, please, once try it?”
”Do you think you can handle it, Shun? I don’t think you can.” Koji says smiling, loving all the attention. “I am the only one here who can handle this skateboard.”
”The skateboard fits perfectly with you, Koji-kun.” Akira nods.
”Yeah, it’s almost as cool as you!”
”And that’s how it is.” Koji grins.

”Yamamoto-sensei?” Sakura Nozomi asks a bit hesitating.
Her colleague lifts up his head, and pushes his glasses back on his nose, he grins: “Nozomi-san! What a pleasant surprise!”
She smiles shyly, he always manages in making her nervous. His looks certainly are impressive, with his handsome face, white shiny teeth and well-cut hair he makes a young appearance, and certainly not unattractive. Though there’s something about him that she never quite…understood. A mysterious side he keeps for himself, though of course, she doesn’t know him well, they only have been colleagues for five months now, since the start of the school-year, and also the start of her career as a teacher.
”I hope I am not disturbing you?” She asks.
”No, not at all! What can I do for you?” He smiles friendly.
”I was wondering- Could you please tell me something about one of our students?” He was the only one she could ask, since she knows he was the little boy’s teacher for the passed few years.
He looks a bit surprised. “Well, of course...About which student are we talking now?”
”I am not sure,” She softly answers. “I don’t know his name.”
He laughs. “But how am I supposed to know him then?”
”He was one of your students last year, Yamamoto-sensei.”
”Oh…I see. Then tell me, what does the student look like?”
”W-well, he has blonde hair, shoulder-length and he-“ But Yamamoto interrupts her.
”He always carries a teddy-bear. Nozomi-san, what is it you want to know about Hattori Toshi?”
A bit impressed, she tells him about what she saw on the schoolyard this morning, and so many mornings before this one.
Aoi Yamamoto pulled up an eyebrow but doesn’t seem to be very impressed by her story.
”And…what is it you want to know about Hattori Toshi then?”
”Well, I wondered…Why does he get picked on? And why does he carry that teddy-bear with him everywhere?”
Yamamoto looks at her through his glasses, he sighed. “…Miss Nozomi, don’t interfere in the Hattori-family.”
”Wh-what?” Sakura is confused by this sudden warning.
”They’re a complicated family, Toshi went through rough periods.”
”What happened with him then?”
Yamamoto sighs deeply. “Nozomi-sensei, I am an old friend of the Hattori family, and have been a teacher of all four Hattori-children.”
”So he has siblings?”
”Yes, three older brothers.”
”Yamamoto-sensei, please tell me where the Hattori-family lives?”
”Why do you want to know, Nozomi-san? Toshi isn’t your student, and you have nothing to do with the Hattori-family.”
”But Yamamoto-san, -“
”I said no, Nozomi-sensei. And next time when you want to ask me something, let it please involve a more cheerful subject, like a bottle of wine and the new restaurant near the school. But now I have to return to my students.”
A bit disappointed but not beaten, Sakura looks how he turns around and returns to his classroom.

“Hattori Toshi…” She softly whispers as she returns to her own class. If Yamamoto-san doesn’t want to help her, it doesn’t mean that she will give up straight away. She will find out what it is with that little boy that made her so curious and concerned, and she decided to help him. She made a silent promise to him and herself, that she’ll help him.
And the first step to do that is to see what the problem is. For that; she needs to pay a home-visit. Talking to the boy’s parents should be a help already…

Shinji runs passed the bakery and didn’t notice the girl coming out of it, he bumps into her and both fall on the ground.
”Autch…” She mumbles, while Shinji rubs his back.
”I am so sorry!” Shinji says quickly while grabbing the bread that fell next to him, meanwhile she stood up from the pavement. “Please accept my apologies!” And Shinji bows his head deeply.
He hears a small giggle. “It is okay. Did you hurt yourself?” She asks friendly, then she offers her hand to pull him up.
Shinji was shocked when he heard her talk; ‘A girl! And she giggled!’
With a red face, Shinji doesn’t take her hand, but puts the bread in it instead.
The girl looks surprised at it, but then offers her other hand to help Shinji.
”Please, I don’t bite!”
Shinji looks up at her, and his eyes become even more big as he sees how flirty she laughs.
”Eh- Eh I eh…I c-can get up m-myself. You don’t n-need to h-help me. I-it was m-m-my fault!” Shinji stutters as he tries to jump up.
The girl looks a bit weird at him, but then an amused expression appears on her face. “I know who you are!” She exclaims cheerfully. “You are Hattori Shinji!”
”EH?!” Shinji needed a lot of effort not to fall on the ground again. “How d-do you- H-how can you-“
”My friends told me about you! You are Yuuji’s older brother, ne? He was in the same class as my younger brother, they are in the same band!”
”A-Are they?” Shinji mumbles, he wants to get out of here, the girl flirts with him and it makes him nervous…All girls make him nervous, especially when he likes them.
He doesn’t know or like her, but the way she smiles and talks to him already made Shinji scared to do something weird or stupid. He’d rather run away than talk to her.
”Yes! I heard you are shy and scared of girls!” She says teasing.
Shinji isn’t capable of saying a single word, as ashamed as he is, he can only blush and mumble non-understandable words.
She laughs again. “It’s kawai!”
”…T-thanks.” Shinji manages to say. “N-now I have to go. B-bye!” And he runs away as fast as he can, leaving a perplexed girl behind him.
No wonder he doesn’t have a girlfriend…

Her fingers run quickly through the many files stored in the drawer, focussing on the names of the documents while keeping a look on the open door with her other eye, in case someone would unexpectedly walk into the office. She doesn’t want to get caught. Of course she is able of thinking of an excuse for being here, she works here after all, so she could just need a certain document, and as explanation why she’s searching through the files of another class than hers; well she could always say she confused them. After all; she is quite new to this school.
”Hanasaki-, Hattori!” She mumbles while a big smile appears on her face.
Sakura sits down behind the desk in the further empty office, gets the file and opens it; four separated documents almost fell out.
Sakura was told by Yamamoto that Toshi had siblings, so that wasn’t a huge surprise, in this case it also wasn’t important; all the information she needed was an address and telephone number.
If she would have paid more attention to the other information than the address, Sakura would have noticed the fifth, smaller file, hidden between the others.
It would have warned her for the mistake she is making, for her wrong decision and solution a talk to the parents of Toshi would help; since it would make clear that it is useless to even try to call the parents.

”Hallo?”
”Eh.. Mr. Hattori?” Sakura stutters, the male voice that speaks to her from the other side of the line sounds friendly and polite, a voice that actually calms her down, though the nerves rage through her veins.
”I suppose.” The man sounds as if he is smiling. “Which mr. Hattori do you wish to speak to?”
”Eh, pardon?” She asks confused.
The man laughs, a friendly laugh, a comforting laugh as well. “I suppose we’ll find out soon enough if I am the right one. Now who is it I am speaking to right now?”
”Ah eh, I am Nozomi-sensei, a teacher of Toshi’s school.”
”A teacher? Is there a problem then, Nozomi –sensei?”
”No sir, well actually; not something I would prefer to talk about through the phone Hattori-san.”
”That sounds bad.” The man sounds worried. “Did Toshi misbehave himself?”
”No, no sir, it’s nothing like that!” Sakura says quickly.
”Ah, good, for a second I was afraid he did…But if I understood you correctly there is something you want to talk about?”
”Yes, Hattori-san, in fact; the reason for my call is that I want to ask if I could pay a house-visit, to talk about this mentioned problem?”
”A house-visit? Today?”
”Only if it isn’t any trouble Hattori-san…”
”No, no of course not… I suppose- well yes, today seems fine! Come by whenever you have time Nozomi-sensei.”
”I guess I will appear in an hour, if that’s possible?
“Of course, of course. Thank you for your call, Nozomi-sensei!”
”No, thank you, Hattori-san, I am very pleased that I can come by that soon!”
With that both put down their phones.

Shinji stares blindly at the phone for a while… Why would that teacher need to pay a house-visit? What would be wrong with Toshi?! Why didn’t he hear of any mentioned trouble with his younger brother?

The Fifth Season

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 19:27:30 GMT

title: The Fifth Season
genre: Comedy/drama
Chapter: 1/? (intro/try-out)
Summary: The four brothers, Shinji, Yuuji, Koji and Toshi all deal with their own and each others problems. Shinji, as the oldest sees it as his task to take care of the three younger ones, against any price.
While the three older brothers (have) become adults, the youngest one stays in his imaginary world.

1

Shinji lies on the couch in the living room, reading a book, with the autumn sun shining through the window, warming his face. It is hard not to fall asleep, but within fifteen minutes, he really has to put his book away and start doing his work.
The dishes still need to be done, the toilet to be cleaned, the laundry has to be hung up and meanwhile Yuuji has to do the shopping, so Shinji can prepare today’s dinner for him and the others.
Being the oldest one means a lot of responsibility, but Shinji doesn’t mind to take care of his younger brothers. Usually.
Today he is lazy, and not in the mood for cleaning, doing the laundry or cooking.
” So much work…” Shinji moans to himself. “ So little time.”
Then, suddenly, an excited person runs into the living room.
”SHINJI-KUN!” He shouts.
Shinji looks up from his book and streaks some blonde hairs out of his eyes.
”SHINJI!” His three years younger brother shouts again. “I NEED MONEY!” He has a huge, boyish smile on his handsome young face.
Koji is a weird guy, if you compare this childish behaviour with his usual. Normally, Koji has a nonchalant attitude. Trying to make it seem like nothing in the world cares him a damn, but when it comes to things he wants badly, he can be just as childish as he was ten years ago.

”For what?” Shinji asks suspicious, while he sits up and looks at his brother. With his friendly face, Shinji makes a trustable appearance. But when it comes to some of his younger brother’s needs, he makes an exception. Koji can’t handle to deal with money, and would spend it to the most ridiculous things, and though their small family has enough to eat, they can’t afford it to spend money to useless things.
”Well,” Koji smiles and he sits down on the couch as well, resting one foot on the ground and one knee on the couch, turning his face to his oldest brother and putting on his most angel-like expression. “There is this shop, where they sell the most awesome, coolest, greatest, most fantastic, best-“
”Just make your point!” Shinji laughs.
”Skateboard ever.” Koji ends his sentence.
Shinji’s laugh faded, he stares at an empty spot on the carpet. “ Koji we don’t-“
”It’s not that expensive!” Koji says quickly, and he lets himself drop from the couch, exactly on the place Shinji was staring at, so his brothers dark blue eyes pierce through his own, with a begging expression. In fact, Koji is begging him anyway.
Sitting on his knees , bowing for his older brother Koji says: “I know we don’t have that much money-“
”That’s not it, we just can’t-“
”But I will pay it back! I swear!” Koji interrupts him. “I just need a bit more money!”
Shinji is silenced for a few seconds.
” Pleeeaaaase, nii-chan?”
”If you don’t need that much more money, why can’t you just wait a week or so?”
”Because,” Koji says with an “that is so obvious”-tone. “it is a very special and exclusive skateboard. It will be sold out within a day if you don’t allow me to get it now! In two weeks I’ll give you the money back! I swear!”
Shinji sighs. “ How much?”
Koji looks up from the carpet, the expression on his face is extremely happy. “NII-CHAN YOU ARE THE BEST! YOU RULE!”
Shinji smiles, he guesses, that’s what he all does it for…

Yuuji opens the front door, and as he does, his two years younger brother runs out of the house, shouting: “Hey Yuuji!”.
Yuuji blinks two times with his eyes, then walk into the house as if nothing happened, closing the door behind him.
” I am home.” He says with a calm voice.

“Welcome back.” Shinji smiles.
”Koji seemed excited.” Yuuji talks without any change of his calm tone.
”He had to buy a new skateboard.” Shinji sighs.
”Again? Doesn’t he get too old to always buy whatever he wants?”
”Perhaps.” Shinji smiles. “Though, when it comes to certain stuff, you are just as bad.”
Yuuji ignores that remark and walks into the living room, to a small wooden cabinet. He opens one of the drawers and takes an old-fashioned wallet out of it, opens it and takes some money out of it without any questions. He puts the wallet back, closes the cabinet, passes his older brother and leaves the house just as calmly as he came.
”Bye.”

His huge light-blue eye followed how his three older brothers came and went, but now the living rooms is empty.
”Coast is clear,” Toshi softly whispers while turning his head away from the key-hole in his bedroom door.
”Are you sure?” His friend softly asks. “And won’t they come back soon?”
Toshi smiles widely and shakes his head. “Don’t worry! Mr. Singclear and mrs. Breakheart have left the house, and dr. Goldhair has to do his daily work! Come on assistant-detective Kun-Kun. Don’t tell me you are afraid while we are that close to our solution? We only need to collect more evidence!”
But assistant-detective Kun-Kun breathes a lot of air, and doesn’t show fear anymore. “ I am not scared detective Toshi!”
”Yay! Then let’s go! We have to be quick! I think Mr Singclear will be back soon, I don’t know how long lovely mrs. Breakheart will take, but we can expect her any moment. And don’t forget: the doctor is still around, use your weapon when needed! Show me you’re the best assistant I ever had Kun-Kun! Let’s do our best and catch those criminals! On three Kun-Kun! One, Two-“

Shinji sighs as he walks back into the living room, with a basket full of laundry in his arms. As he passes the doors leading to the bedrooms of Koji and Toshi, he almost gets an heart-attack:
”THREE!” a voice shouted just before the door unexpectedly opened, and banged against Shinji’s arm.
”AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!” Shinji shouts from pain and shock, while wet clothes fly around in the air and land everywhere in the living room.
”OH NO! HE IS ARMED!” Toshi shouts as he runs out of the door and dives behind the couch. “ DRAW YOUR WEAPON ASSISTANT-DETECTIVE KUN-KUN!”
Shinji bowed over while holding his sore arm, with teary eyes he looks up to his younger brother. “ Toshi-“ he moans.
”RATATATATATATATA!” Toshi formed a gun with his fingers. “PAUW PANG!
” Toshi!” Shinji repeats, a bit louder.
”PENG! PANG! KABOOM! YOU ARE DEAD DR. GOLDHAIR!”
”TOSHI!” Shinji shouts with his deep voice, to overwhelm the noise of his youngest brother.
”No! Detective Toshi, Shinji! And you are deeeaaaheaaad! So lie on the floor and don’t talk.” Toshi says with an explaining voice.
But Doctor Goldhair doesn’t seem to know what being dead means, cause he keeps on standing on his place, with his arms crossed, one eyebrow pulled up and with a not very pleasant expression on his face.
”Toshi” He repeats on a dangerous “you are in trouble”-tone.
”…Yes nii-chan?” Toshi softly mumbles as he stands up from behind the couch, holding Kun-Kun, his teddy-bear, in his hand.
”Look around.”
Toshi’s big, light-blue eyes slide through the living room, seeing the ravage he caused.
”What do you see?” Shinji says severe.
”Clothes…” Toshi slowly mumbles.
”Exactly. And where do you think those clothes are supposed to be?”
”…The basket?” He answers innocently.
”Right again! Now, tell me, how come those clothes are spread through the living room and not in the basket, where they belong?” Shinji asks, his tone isn’t unfriendly or severe anymore.
”B-but nii-chan, Kun-Kun and I were busy with collecting evidence so we could arrest the murderer of Drake!”
”…Drake?” Shinji asks confused.
”Yes!” And Toshi runs back into his bedroom and returns with a green crocodile, the fur is ripped of his tail and some wool comes out of it. “See?”
Shinji takes the stuffed animal and looks at it. “…This is Drake?”
Toshi nods.
Shinji sighs. “I can try to fix Drake for you To- eh, Detective Toshi. But first, you and Kun-Kun have to clean up the mess.”
Toshi seems to think about that proposal. “What do you think Kun-Kun? Can we trust doctor Goldhair?”
Shinji grins in himself. “Doctor Goldhair” he mumbles.
”Hmmm…Good point. We better not leave the poor Drake to our enemy. And besides: he is dead already.”

“Well I don’t think he is, Detective.” Shinji smiles. “With a small operation, I can swear mr. Drake will be as good as new.”
”…I don’t know.” Toshi says slowly.
”Well, after all, I am a doctor ne?” Shinji grins.
”HO HO HO! Wait! You are only called DOCTOR Goldhair cause you are an evil genius, though,” And Toshi pulls his older brother a bit down so he can whisper in his ear (Shinji has to bow over deeply so Toshi can reach his ear). “ I think it was mrs. Breakheart who did it.”
”…mrs Who?”
”Mrs Breakheart!” Toshi says, indignant his oldest brother doesn’t seem to understand such an obvious thing.
Shinji looks confused and Toshi sighs deeply and annoyed. “KOJI! Dooooh!”
Shinji is silenced for two seconds, then he bursts out in a laughter.
”Koji?!” He laughs. “Koji isn’t a woman Toshi.”
Toshi seems really indignant, grabs Drake out of Shinji’s hands and walks back into his bedroom, mumbling: “Older brothers don’t understand anything, Kun-Kun.”
Shinji grins and shakes his head as he sees how his eleven years old brother indignantly leaves the room, but then he realizes all the wet clothes are still in the living room.
”Shi- TOSHI! WAIT! COME BACK HERE!”

Yuuji walks absently through the supermarket, getting all the stuff he knows that he must buy, but he can do that without hardly any thinking. He always has to do the shopping, every day. It is his task in the household, together with some other small things. But Shinji does all the tough or annoying work, he irons, cleans, does the laundry and he cooks. As the oldest, Shinji thinks he is responsible for the others, not for Yuuji in special, since they only differ one year and Yuuji is capable of taking care for himself, but that doesn’t count for Koji, who can’t deal with money and is a horrible cook, and Toshi…
Well, Toshi is a special case. First of all he is too young to take care of himself, second…He is even younger in mind than he is in body. Yuuji knows Toshi is a huge concern for his older brother, and also for himself.
Toshi is a sweet little boy, really. He always tries to do his best, but…In his mind he is rather six than eleven years old.
In school he gets picked at, even though Toshi never mentions that, but Yuuji saw it. He once passed Toshi’s elementary school and saw how his little brother got hunted by several other boys, who were throwing trash and rocks at him, laughing at him because of Kun-Kun, his little teddy-bear. Yuuji didn’t know what to do, he just watched it happening, perplexed why Toshi never told him or Shinji about it…
Yuuji never told Shinji about this either, it would only made him more worried. Meanwhile, he started to think of ways how to help his youngest brother.

While drowning in his on thoughts, Yuuji still walks passed the shapes, putting some products in his shopping-car, not noticing how several girls giggle and stare at him when he passes.
”Do you see him? That is Yuuji! One of the Hattori brothers!” One girl whispers to another.
”Oh! The one who’s scared of girls? That’s so kawai!” the other one answers.
”No, Yuuji is the poetic one, he is SUCH an artist. I mean look at his clothes! Isn’t he hot?”
”Aren’t all those three brothers hot?”
Then both girls start giggling and follow Yuuji as he walks to the cash-till.

Koji walks out of the skate-shop, a huge grin of triumph on his face. “Finally, it’s you and me babe.” He softly says to the box in his hands, containing his desired skateboard.
Koji walks further on the pavement, with his thoughts in a world where he is about to make the best and highest jump on his skateboard ever made, and where thousands of fangirls are cheering and shouting his name.
”Koji!”
Koji’s smile only grows wider, he can actually hear them!
”Koji!”
And the voices become louder as he imagines harder! Though…Isn’t that voice quite, low for a girl?
”KOJI!”
Koji feels how someone taps him on his shoulder, and finally he turns around. And it indeed isn’t a girl he faces, but a taller young guy, with dark-brown hair that’s dyed in several other colours, like black and blonde. Two longer locks of hair fall over his shoulders, further his hair is short and points to every side, like Koji’s own natural black hair.
The guy’s dark-blue eyes are quite familiar to Koji, since he has almost the same eyes, though his are shaped a bit more round.
”Yuuji!” Koji says surprised and with a grin. “Didn’t hear you.”
” I noticed.” His older brother says calmly.
Koji looks over Yuuji’s shoulder and notices two girls standing behind him, whispering in each others ears, giggling and pointing.
”Older brother,” Koji grins. “ You have been followed.”
”Eh?!” Yuuji asks surprised, and he turns around. “Oh, those…I see that one in the dress a lot when I do shopping.” He shrugs.
”Do you?” Koji grins. “Okay brother, you take her then, I want the one in the skirt!”
”…You can have them both.” Yuuji shrugs, and he wants to walk further.
”Yuuji-kun, wait! Don’t behave like Shinji! Or are you afraid of girls too?” Koji grins evilly.
”Stop it Koji. I am just not as bad as you are.”
”Ah, so you are gay?” Koji laughs.
”Wh- NO!” Yuuji says indignantly, while having a face as red as a tomato.
”Aw, don’t worry Yuuji, a handsome guy like you will break many male hearts!” Koji grins and blinks at his older brother, then he walks to the two girls.
Yuuji stares at the back of his younger brother, than he realises what Koji actually just said.
”You little brat!” Yuuji says out loud.
A little girl who just walked passed him heard it, and started to cry.
’This is so not my day.” Yuuji thinks as he starts to comfort and apologize to the little girl and her mother.

”Hello ladies,” Koji grins to the two girls. “ How’re you doing today?”
Both girls giggle and stare at the handsome dark-haired guy in front of them, with his wide chest and narrow middle, his muscular arms and his black hair that looks like a hairbrush never touched it, to his headband and his eyebrow piercing, and most of all; to his flirty and stunning grin, which made many hearts beat faster. Koji is a lady-killer, and he is well aware of it. Even if Yuuji and Shinji both are taller, Koji’s muscular body and flirting-skills made him the “hottest”-Hattori brother, and he is damn proud of it too.
”F-Fine.” One of the two girls stutter, with huge blushes on her cheeks.
”Are we? That’s great ladies, really great. And where are my manners? I haven’t introduced myself yet! I am Koji! Hattori Koji! Pleased to meet you on this, now more, lovely day.” And Koji bows a bit, like a real gentleman.
The girls giggle even more, impressed by both, his appearance and his name. And Koji knows he can add two new phone-numbers to his address-list.

Under the severe eye of his oldest brother, Toshi is hanging up the laundry.
”What is this nii-chan?” He suddenly asks surprised as he holds up a flower-patterned piece of clothes, with two spherical parts.
Shinji’s head suddenly feels as hot as a stove, and he feels how he becomes red on his cheekbones. “Eh,”
”Isn’t this what ladies wear under their clothes?” Toshi continues curiously.
”Eh, eh…”
”Whose is it? Yours, nii-chan?”
”NO! IT’S KOJI’S!” Shinji exclaims. Then realises he shouldn’t have said that to his little brother…He doesn’t want to have this talk again, Shinji had it with Toshi years ago but it seems like Toshi doesn’t like to remember it, though he does like to ask awkward questions a lot. Though this time it seems to be different:
”AH!” Toshi shouts cheerful, while Shinji feels how he becomes even more red. “SEE THAT KOJI IS A WOMAN?! I WAS RIGHT!”
Shinji stares perplexed at his little brother, who just continues on hanging up the laundry. The bra just hangs in between of a shirt and a pants, and Toshi doesn’t seem to have any further questions about it.
Though Shinji now has a new problem: How to explain Koji isn’t female?
At the other hand, the picture of a female Koji is so hilarious, Shinji doesn’t want to spoil the fun for Koji himself by not imagining that.

”I am home” Yuuji says as he enters the living room again. “Why is my underpants hanging over the telly?”
”WELCOME HOME MR. SINGCLEAR!” Toshi shouts cheerful, as he runs passed Yuuji and grabs the boxer from the TV, to run back to garden through the open doors, where he hangs up the boxer.
”Mr who?” Yuuji asks confused while looking at Shinji, who shakes his head. “Better don’t ask Yuuji-kun, I was doctor Goldhair, and Koji is-“
”MRS BREAKHEART!” Toshi exclaims cheerfully.
”Mrs Breakheart.” Shinji repeats with a grin.
”…Okay…Nobody told me you are into role-playing Shinji.”
Shinji’s grin faded and he blushes again. “I didn’t- I don’t I-“
Yuuji laughs. “Relax, I am sure Koji looks awfully hot in a mini-skirt and push-up bra!”

“Oh don’t tell me about your perverted fantasies Yuuji.” A not-very amused voice says.
”Oh shit.” Yuuji mumbles as he feels how Koji’s death-glare pierces through the back of his head.
”I. Am. NOT. A. GIRL!” Koji shouts as he slaps his older brother on the back of his head.
”OI! AUTCH! HEY! I didn’t start it!” Yuuji tries to avoid more punches from his muscular younger brother, even if Yuuji is a bit taller, he is physically less strong than Koji is, Yuuji has a more narrow chest and is less muscled. His younger brother can easily hurt him.
”Do girls slap like this? DON’T THINK SO!” Koji shouts.
”AUTCH! Okay, okay I get it! You are the most macho and male person EVER Koji! NOW LET ME GO!”
Koji finally lets his older brother go and looks around with a huge grin of triumph. “Victory!” He grins.
”No, I demand justice.” Yuuji moans while rubbing the back of his head.
”No justice for the weak.” Koji grins. “ Now, Shinji-kun, what’s for dinner? And Tosh - WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BRA?!” As Toshi ran to him and tries to put the bra around his way too wide chest.
”TOSHI!”
”But Shinji said it was yours!” Toshi says indignant, as he stops his trials to close the bra on Koji’s back (Toshi has to stand on his toes to be able to reach Koji’s shoulders).“SHINJI!” Koji groans.
Shinji shrugs while laughing his ass off, together with Yuuji.
”It is yours isn’t it, Koji-kun?” Yuuji laughs teasing.
”I- I-“ Koji stutters.
”It can’t be his!” Toshi says disappointed. “ It doesn’t even fit…”

PLEASE EVERYONE, this is my first regular (so not a fan) fic! I ask you to read it and please leave your honest opinion! m(_ _)m
I know nothing really exciting happens in this part, and it's not beta-read, but it is an introduction of the head-characters and please tell me if it seems interesting enough to continue?
Thank you!!

>< so far for my great promise

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 15:25:32 GMT

Heya Dearly Beloved Everyone ^^

As you maybe noticed, a few days (about...a week? 2 weeks?) ago I promised to be back to spam you all on LJ again. (I managed in spamming a few people but definitely not all of you ><;; ) And as you maybe also noticed: I am not managing ><;;

BUT!

(Wow, she even thinks of an excuse for this one? Yes, she does.
How immature! Well, she can't help it either, she is born that way people, blame her parents!.)

Anyway: BUT!

It's because my computer has got a virus *YAAAAY* and keeps on crashing *SUPERYAAAAY* and internet doesnt'work for like... 80% of the time *UBERMEGASUPERYAAAAAAAY*
So, as you understand: I am not happy with compy! =D ( ~~though, atm, I have to admit he is rather nice to me O_o;~~ )

My parents promised they'll buy a new one (they are in a "shopping"-mood O_o;; they bought a new car, several mini-living room decoration stuff, will get the living room re-built (><;; WHY? for God's sake. We don't NEED Chambre en suitte ><;; it just SOUNDS so fancy) and now: A NEW COMPUTER TOO! O_O)

AREN'T THEY GENEROUS?! now let's not overdo it.

OH! And I'll get a copy of A9's Alpha Album! YAAAY! *thank you Kuukiichan*
And I'll see DIO probably! =D
~~AND I HAVE A BF!~~

So, when internet is fixed, or when we'll have a new computer, or at least when internet is nice to me: I'll check my FP (just cause otherwise I am not able to do so ><;; ) and/or update ^^;;

Thanks for your understanding Dears!

SAYOUNARA BITCHES! <33 You know I love you!! ~~(though you love me more~~ *coughcoughcough*)

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 12:17:21 GMT

HAPPY         YEAR          HAPPY                    HAPPYNEWY     HAPPYNEWY       HAPPY            YEAR
HAPPY         YEAR       HAPPY YEAR            HAPPY            A HAPPY           A        HAPPY       YEAR
HAPPYNEWYEAR     HAPPY     YEAR         HAPPY           E HAPPY           E           HAPPY  YEAR
HAPPY         YEAR    HAPPYNEW YEAR      HAPPYNEWR   HAPPY NEWR              HAPPYEAR
HAPPY         YEAR   HAPPY            YEAR    HAPPY                HAPPY                                 NEW
HAPPY         YEAR  HAPPY              YEAR   HAPPY                HAPPY                                 NEW

                  !2008!

         !Everyone!

So, I started the year with something I would never expect myself to do.
I played a drinking game with my cousins...
and...I LOST! T----------T

It's really lovely to be tipsy when your entire family is around XDD;;;

And the drink was so GROSS!!!!
Pisang Ambon...WELL IT LOOKED LIKE CLEANINGSTUFF! >< IT WAS GREEN AND AND IT TASTED SO EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! T---------T

And I had to drink 12 shots of it in the first game. In the second I also had 6 BaCo's, but I was better in the card-blowing game than the othr one ><

XDD BUT I STILL WASN'T DRUNK! I am kinda proud of myself XD;;

Anyway...^^

Sayounara Bitches! <33 have a lovely 2008.

(the bad thing about that happy thing up there, on the comment page it looks fucked T--T)

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 12:12:08 GMT

Hello there everyone ^^

It's been a while, I know, and if you all have forgotten who I am: Can't blame you.
But, I am back X3;;;

If you don't mind of course.

I will try to update more often, to comment more often and I hope I can keep myself to this promise!
I am sorry for not being active for such a long time...

SO HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING!?!

Cause I am still interested in all of you on my friends-list! Don't get me wrong!
Please forgive me for being gone for a long while, I would like to know what's all going on in your lives again!

m( _ _ )m gomen! m( _ _ )m

so, please let me know if you still accept me as friend on your lists! ^^;;

Sayounara bitches <33

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-12/12

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:02:48 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto, SagaxShou, UruhaxReita, ReitaxUruha, RukixUruha, AoixUruha (beware of the one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )( 06 )( 07 )( 08 )( 09 )( 10 )(11)

“You hurt me for too long.
For too long I had mercy with you.”

’Where are you Reita? Why didn’t you come?’ Uruha wonders, the thoughts of Reita make him sad, but he can’t stop thinking about him.
Reita didn’t come. He just didn’t.
Instead, Uruha is now drinking coffee with Aoi…
Aoi, what is it with him, that makes Uruha feel so weird? So uncomfortable?
There is something special about that man.
Something mysterious, maybe even sinister…
But still…He is here. And Reita isn’t.
He is accompanying Uruha, on a moment he felt really lonely…
And he is quite good company…
’Maybe…Maybe I chose the wrong guy to fall in love with…’ Uruha thinks. But there’s still this thing about Aoi that makes him…
Suspicious.

”Why should I let you go? You deserve pain, you have always deserved it.”

Aoi smiles. He is here, with Uruha.
And nobody is going to spoil these moments of the two of them together. Nobody. Because Aoi made sure that is impossible.
Ruki is too busy, he is distracted.
Reita won’t come to interrupt.
Kai never understood, he never saw through Aoi’s plan.
And who else will ever try to?
No, Aoi just did it.
His master plan is finished. He reached his goals. At least, he is working on the final goal.
Everything turned out the way he hoped…Everything will progress the way he intends it too.
Ruki will be humiliated, Reita will be eliminated.
Aoi will stay the number one.
And Uruha will be his prize.

”Why should you be allowed to touch him?”

’What is it? What is it that makes me feel so uncomfortable about Aoi? What is it, which makes me feel nervous in his presence?
And not the kind of nerves I feel when Reita is around…
More the kind when you have to stand in front of class to do an oral exam…An exam you know you are going to fail for. And the teacher that takes off the exam is your most hated teacher, the one that will never let you pass.
Those nerves, I feel when Aoi is around.
I feel slightly scared, and intimidated. Maybe by his appearance and status.
Maybe cause he always looks at me with slight hunger in his eyes.
Maybe…Maybe because I am just paranoid.
This movie, my last movie in this scene, it exhausted me. If it continued longer I would have died…I would have broken.
And I still don’t know who my stalker is.
I still don’t know…
I only know, -no…I hope-, that now the movie has ended…The notes won’t come anymore. The bottles won’t be placed on my bed anymore.
That he’ll leave me alone…
But what if he doesn’t? What if he doesn’t stop?
He said he wanted to reach his goal…And I am that goal. And I am not…Not somebody’s. I am not with him.
…So he did not reach his goals yet…This nightmare…Is not over yet.
Why Reita, why did you leave me now? I really needed you…To distract me.
You lit me up.
You made me realize how much I actually wanted to get out of here…And now I have.
But you are not with me to celebrate it.
You are not with me, and you never will.
I guess I misjudged the situation…I guess I scared you. I know it went fast…But still.
I need you…I really do.
But you’re not here, and Aoi is.
Maybe I must take what I have…Maybe I must not hope for something impossible. Cause yes, it was kind of impossible. But it just felt so right when we talked…
And it doesn’t when I talk to Aoi.

But he is here. And I need someone who is here.
I am just too tired, to take this on my own any longer. I need someone who’ll be there.’

”Why should you be allowed to look at him?”

While time is passing, the two men are silently drinking their coffee.
Both drown in thoughts about each other, though not in a way they would expect from each other.
Aoi looks at Uruha over the edge of his cup, and sees how the other man is staring out of the window, his cup of coffee in his hand. He didn’t drink much from it yet, it probably is cold now, since he is sitting here for a while already, waiting for Reita, who’ll never come.
Aoi has of course noticed the sad expression on Uruha’s face; of course Aoi can guess who is in Uruha’s mind…
But he’ll make sure to make him disappear from Uruha’s mind, to make Uruha focus on pure and only him.
And he knows how to…He is a porn-star after all, he is the best flirter in the country probably. Or at least one of.
’You’ll be mine at the end of the evening.’ Aoi thinks, and a grin appears on his face.

”Why should you be allowed to talk to him?”

”What are you thinking of?” Aoi asks friendly.
Uruha looks up surprised. “Eh, - nothing.” He doesn’t sound very convincing.
Aoi laughs a bit. “I don’t believe you.”
”Oh…” Uruha adds a small smile. “Guess you caught me then.”
”I did,” Aoi grins. “So, tell me, who is on your mind?” A small spark in Aoi’s dark eyes tells Uruha what he is hoping for to hear.
Shall he say it? Just say it is Aoi he is thinking of?
It will have consequences, but it isn’t a lie. He is thinking of Aoi, but not in the way Aoi hopes.
”Hm, well…About several people actually.” Uruha says carefully. Saying something different will bring too much trouble, and Uruha isn’t in the need for trouble.
”Ah! I see.” Aoi grins. “And tell me, am I on the list?”
Uruha laughs. “Yes, you can say you are, yes.”
”Good.” Aoi smiles. His eyes are shining brighter than the sun, even if that one isn’t shining at all at the moment.
Uruha feels slightly intimidated, what does he have to do? Answer the flirting?
Well, he can at least try to get to know Aoi better.
”Well,” Uruha smiles then. “Tell me something about yourself?”

”Why should you be allowed to love him,
while I can’t and never will be able to?”

”Why should you be able to love him, while I can’t, and never will be able to?
Why? TELL ME WHY?” Ruki shouts.
Reita lies on the floor, he tastes blood, his body hurts more than it ever did, and the only thing he can feel is his heart beating from fear.
He has gone mad!
He always was mad but now he completely lost all control!

Reita is scared, scared as hell.
This is not like those times before when Ruki molested him; this is worse.
’He is going to kill me…’ Reita thinks terrified, while crawling to the door.
But Ruki places his foot on Reita’s back.
”No escaping, Reita. Not this time. You can’t flee. You can’t escape your punishment.”
Reita moans from pain, his hand is still reaching for the door, as Ruki punches the back of his head.
For a moment Reita can’t see anything, and a black hole swallows his sight, but then the showers are there again on his retina, and so is reality back in his mind.
He needs to get out of here…
He needs to find help…
He needs to fight back!
But he doesn’t have the strength.
”Uruha…” Reita softly groans, as he reaches for the phone in his pocket, but Ruki slaps it out of his hand.
”I DON’T THINK SO!” He shouts.
”Uruha…Help me…” And then Reita loses consciousness by another punch of Ruki…

As he opens his eyes again, Reita feels how Ruki grabs his head by his hair and lifts it up;
”Have a last wish?” He softly grins as he places the knife on Reita’s troth.

“You won’t even be able to think of him anymore!”

”I have to go to the bathroom.” Uruha smiles, after he and Aoi talked for a while.
”Go ahead!” Aoi smiles.
Uruha stands up and walks away, Aoi watches him.
He grins and stares out of the window, the feeling of victory is growing stronger with every second he spends in his presence.
They are talking, about their interests, their hobby’s their lives outside of their careers. The things they have in common, their friends.
Before the end of the evening, Uruha will fall for Aoi, if nothing goes wrong. And nothing will go wrong.
Cause what can?

”I’ll make you feel my pain!”

”L-Let me c-call U-Uruh-ha.”
”…NO WAY!”
”Y-You can’t declare my last w-wish.”
”You’ll be dead before he is here!” Ruki shouts, though his hand holding the knife is shaking.
”B-But I won’t t-tell h-him.”

“THEN WHAT WILL YOU TELL HIM?”

“I-I want t-to apo-poligise, f-for not coming.” Reita feels how tears burn, even crying hurts.
Ruki stares at him.
”I can’t declare your last wish…BUT AS SOON AS YOU EVEN DROP A WORD OF WHAT I AM DOING HERE, AS SOON AS YOU EVEN SHOW A SLIGHT AMOUNT OF FEAR…I’ll cut your troth.”
With his foot, Ruki shoves the mobile phone he slapped away earlier, into Reita’s direction.
”Make your voice sound normal.” Ruki says. “And hold it in a way I can hear it too.”

”The pain I endured for so many years, you will bear for a few hours. I don’t call that justice, but what is?”

The ring-tone was heard by Aoi, and he searched through Uruha’s pockets ‘till he found it.

He almost drops it as he sees the name on the display.
”Reita.”
’No…No that is impossible.’
But the phone keeps on vibrating and ringing the annoying melody of a pop-song.

Aoi stares at the display as if he saw water burn…
But then he pushes the red button; he cancelled the call.
”I don’t think so Reita…Uruha won’t save you. Nobody will.” Aoi grins evilly.
”…Why should he need to be saved?” A suspicious voice behind Aoi says.

”Why should you be able to love who you love, while I have to hate him?”

”Wait for me!” Saga laughs as Shou runs out of the building, looking over his shoulder and laughing.
”Hurry up!” He shouts. “Even if we have all night, I don’t have the patience!”
”I am coming, I am comi- Oh fuck.” Saga suddenly says.
Shou walks a bit closer, he still smiles. “What?”
”…I forgot my coat.”

“You don’t need a coat, I’ll keep you warm.” Shou grins and caresses Saga’s nose.
Saga smiles, but does shake his head.
”No, my…My keys and money are in it…And my cell-phone.”

“Can’t we just drive to my place then?”
”…I meant my car-keys.” Saga says guilty.
Shou groans. “Okaay, go get it. I’ll be waiting here. But HURRY up!” He laughs.
”I’ll run faster than the wind.” Saga grins, while walking back into the building.
Shou smiles while watching him walk away, even if his penis is as hard as a rock, he’ll have patience.
Suddenly Shou jumps up from dismay, as he feels something shaking in his pocket.
’ Who’ll call me at this time..? Uruha is on his date…’ Shou thinks.
As he answers the call, he feels how the shock overwhelms him with every word sounding by the man at the other side of the line.
How…How could he be so stupid?
Why didn’t they ever think of him?

”I don’t think love is justified, I don’t think love is honest.”

Saga walks through the studio-building, into the direction of his dresser-room. He is sure his coat will be there.
He walks further as he suddenly hears a weird noise from a corridor on his left side.
Some angry voice shouting threatening and another voice moaning from pain…
That can’t be good!
Saga hurries to the corridor and sneaks against the door, putting his ear against it…
He feels how fear and shock take him over…
He needs to warn someone! And fast!

Shou hears how Uruha’s phone goes over and over, but he doesn’t answer…
”PICK UP!” Shou shouts desperate to his mobile.
Shou feels how panic takes him over…
What if…What if he followed Uruha? What if he hurt him?
And where is Saga?
While just wanting to call Uruha again, Shou’s own mobile phone starts ringing again.
”Hello?!” Shou says hasty.
”It’s me.” Saga softly whispers into it, but his whisper sounds just as panicked as Shou feels.
”Saga! Saga, we’re having a huge problem! I think Uruha is in danger!
Tsukasa just called me, the police-officer, he told me that he found out who his stalker is!
It’s Aoi Saga!
The evidence came from the lab and some anonymous guy tipped him-“
”I know Shou. That guy was me.” Saga says fast.
”WHA- WHY DIDN’T YOU-“
”No time for that now! Shou, Uruha isn’t the only one in danger!
Someone is being tortured in this building Shou! Someone’s LIFE is in danger! According to what I’ve heard, he has a knife on his troth Shou!”
”Wh-What?” Shou says shocked.
” They’re in the showers! I called the police… And Shou, Uruha is in danger for sure, since I believe he is with Aoi!”
”How do you-?”
”I found a note in Ruki’s dresser-room! It’s where I am now!”
”I don’t under-“
”THERE’S NO TIME SHOU! CALL THAT TSUKASA AND TELL HIM THE PLACE URUHA IS MOST LIKELY TO BE!” Saga shouts, even if he’s still whispering.
Shou knows why, Ruki’s dresser-room is very near to the showers…
”B-But what will you do-?”
”NO TIME SHOU! Don’t worry about me! NOW GO WARN THAT MAN!”

And Saga hung up.

”And you’re the one that stabbed my heart, with a knife in the form of your love for him.”

“…What are you doing with my phone?” Uruha asks suspiciously to Aoi.
”Eh…Well I heard it ring and I went looking for it, by the time I found it, it stopped, I guess I was too late answering the call…” Aoi shrugs, while adding a smile.
Uruha stares at him.
”I saw you cancelled the call, Aoi.”
”…That was by accident.” Aoi says quickly.
”Then why did you just say you were too late?”
”I- I didn’t want to- I don’t know, I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself in front of you…” Aoi shrugs.
”Why did you cancel Reita’s call Aoi?”
”Wh-What?”
”You heard me. And my earlier question. What do you know Aoi? WHERE is he? Why should he need to be saved?” Uruha starts shouting.

Aoi’s expression suddenly changes, from a small innocent smile, his expression changes into a cold one.
The lights in his eyes have disappeared, and suddenly, Uruha feels frightened. Who is that man?
”I always, ALWAYS, get what I want, Uruha.” Aoi slowly says.
And Uruha feels how a cold, iron fist, squeezes the air out of his lungs, and how his heart, mind and body freeze:
It is him.
Aoi, Aoi is his stalker.

”I’ll murder your body with the same knife you’ve murdered mine!”

”…Aoi, what will you do to me?” Uruha asks frightened as Aoi pushes him into the men’s bathroom.
”Nothing that will harm you Thunderthigh.” Aoi grins. “I won’t harm you, I won’t ever hurt you…But your little stand-in friend, that’s another story.”
”WHAT DID YOU DO TO HI-“Uruha shouts but Aoi puts his hand in front of Uruha’s mouth.
”Shush, Thrunderthigh. We don’t want anyone to interrupt, do we? Just relax, I’ll take good care of you…” Aoi whispers in Uruha’s ear.
Uruha feels how his body shivers as a reaction to Aoi coming that close; he doesn’t want this at all…
He hates Aoi, he really hates him. He is the one that caused him ALL this trouble!
”I didn’t do anything to the stand-in Uruha. I promise.” Aoi smiles. “But yes, I do know where he is.
And yes, I played a bit with you. But it was just so you wouldn’t defeat me Uruha! So you wouldn’t steal my position!
Though, you weren’t my biggest sorrow. You would have left anyway. You’re simply too good. Even I admit you are better than I am. And I never admit that.
You are just…Special.
And so thinks Ruki you know!” Aoi laughs.
A dangerous, hollow laugh, that makes Uruha shake even more.
Aoi slowly removes his hand from Uruha’s mouth and caresses his face with it.
”You didn’t know eh? You didn’t know our poor little dwarf is in love with you.” Aoi grins.
”But yes, he is. For such a long time already…Sad eh?
A jewel like you won’t ever fall for a gnome like him.”
Uruha is too frightened to scream. And they’re all alone in this small cold bathroom…
Uruha sees in the mirror across the wall, behind Aoi’s back, his own terrified face looking at him…
”And then…Then I decided to play a bit with you and him.
So I wrote that letter, yes. I didn’t mean it.
I wrote it, so you would think Ruki started intimidating you…And it worked.
You hated Ruki more and more, so he started acting worse and worse.
I didn’t mean to cause you the stress I did, I am sorry for that Thunderthigh, I really am…
But you weren’t acting the way I wanted.”
Aoi still whispers in Uruha’s ear.
”And then…Then I noticed the stand-in. I noticed how you looked at him, how Ruki hated him, how he acted and behaved.
He was an obstacle I did not foresee. I did not know how to catch your attention again, so I decided to find a way to get rid of him.
He is not worthy of you Uruha…”
Uruha feels anger spreading through his veins…
How does he dare…How does he dare to insult Reita like that!
How does he dare to claim Uruha like a prize!
But Uruha is still too scared…Way too scared.
This man is mad. Completely mad.
”Wh-What did you…Where is Reita?” Uruha softly asks.
Aoi grins. “Away. He won’t come back, don’t worry.”
”H-how?” Uruha asks, he can’t stop shuddering.
”I made Ruki deal with him.” Aoi grins.
”Wh-Why should Ruki-“
”Didn’t you know? I just told you he loves you. Well, it appears he couldn’t stand the “relation” between you and Reita.
It seemed he wanted to cause Reita more pain than anyone else in this world, I heard him shout something about making him endure the pain he endures his entire life…
I saw him rape him.” Aoi ends his sentence with a smirk on his face.
Uruha feels how his inside turns into ice.
”Reita…” he softly says.
”So, all I had to do was making Ruki more and more angry.” Aoi starts getting more excited, he is so proud of his plan and how it worked out. He can’t stop talking, and his eyes are shining again.
But this time, it’s a different shine. There is this glow of pure madness, which is even more terrifying than the cold expression he had on his face earlier.
”And now,” Aoi starts laughing maniacally. “I don’t think our little stand-in is still under us!”

Uruha needed a second to realize what Aoi just said…
What did he do…
”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Uruha screams and then he pushes Aoi away with all the strength he has.
Aoi’s expression is surprised as he falls and slips on the wet, slippery floor of the bathroom.
His head falls against the edge of the sink, underneath the mirror…
Then, a loud but dull boom follows, as he hits the floor.

Uruha stands pushed against the wall, he is breathing heavily, and his heart is beating faster than it ever did before.
He stares in the eyes of his reflection, a terrified man looks back.
’What have I done...? “Uruha thinks, as he looks at Aoi’s body on the floor.
He didn’t move since he fell, his head is lying in a weird position, his mouth open and his eyes closed…
Is he…?
Can he be…?
Then the door of the bathroom opens, and Aoi’s arm, which fell against it, now falls on the floor of the café.
People are screaming, some men are shouting stuff…
But Uruha can’t hear it.
He does feel a hand on his shoulder.
He looks up, and sees how Shou looks at him with the most worried expression on his face…
Next to him, Tsukasa bows over Aoi’s body, feeling his wrist…But after a few seconds, he nods to Shou…
”He is not dead.”

”So, have any last words, Reita?”

Beep- beep- beep-
’What is this place? Where am I?’
Beep-beep-beep
’I feel pain…My chest hurts…And why can’t I move?’
Beep-beep-beep-
’Why am I having so much trouble with opening my eyes?’ he thinks. “Am I dreaming?”
”No.” A voice answers slowly, softly but though relieved. “You finally woke up.”
He opens his eyes, and sees the other.
”Your voice…” He softly groans.
Uruha nods and smiles.
”…I remember…” he says slowly. “…Ruki, he-“
Uruha puts a finger against his lips.
“Shhhht

It is okay. Everything is alright…
We were in time. Well, Saga was. And the police...
Ruki tried to stab you in your heart in panic, but he missed…You’re injury was very-
I thought you couldn’t-” His voice is shocking.
”I am so sorry…”He whispers then. “It was entirely my fault…”
But Reita, even if he almost can’t, shakes his head. “It is not. It is Zero…he turned Ruki crazy…It’s why I h-had so much…compassion with….him.” It takes a lot of effort for him to talk.
”Shhhht, don’t try to force yourself! Take rest!” Uruha whispers worried.
”Tell me what happened Uruha…” Reita softly asks.
Uruha takes a breath; he has to be strong now. Tell Reita the entire story…He needs to know.

Reita listened, he listened carefully, the look on his face is very painful, and not only because of the pain of his injury.
After Uruha stopped talking, a silence fell.
But now Reita speaks again:
”…What happened to-?”
”He is in jail. So are Aoi and Zero.” Uruha softly says, tears are almost falling from his eyes.
”Are they?” Reita softly asks.
”Yes, for molestation, blackmailing and trial to murder…”
He falls silent, and Uruha stays silent too. A few tears are falling from his cheeks.

”Uruha…” Reita slowly says then, and with all the strength he has he places his hand on Uruha’s hand, that lies on the white sheets of the hospital-bed...
“I am sorry I did not show up on our date…”

------
note: Thank you all for reading this! Really, thank you a lot! m(_ _)m the last chapter took me a while, but it is quite long ne?
I hope you all enjoyed reading my fic from begin till the end! ^--^v

NEW LAY-OUT! =D

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:26:45 GMT

heya! What do you think of it??

All credits go to SANNE! and a tiny bit too me, but more to Sanne since she did all the work >D

I was getting tired of the old one, and I actually like this one! =D

Sooooo....
working on the fic!!! I promise!!

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-11/12

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:08:59 GMT

“I don’t think it is possible.”
”Why not?” Aoi says begging. “Why can’t it be possible? Why shouldn’t we be together?”
Uruha looks up at him.
”Because…Because I am a whore.”
”What do you mean? I know you are a whore…But that doesn’t keep me from loving you!”
”You don’t get it at all…” Uruha slowly says.
”But you also don’t explain it to me! Please, explain! I beg you…Why? Tell me why!?” Aoi takes Uruha at his arm, they’re sitting in a car, Uruha in the passenger-seat, Aoi behind the steer.
”…We just can’t.” Uruha says decisive, he wants to open the door of the car, but Aoi stops him by pulling him back at his arm.
Aoi grabs Uruha’s face with his free hand, and brings his own face very close to Uruha’s.
”But I love you.” He says. “And I won’t let you walk away with my love as you walk away with my money.”
”It is your decision to spend your money on me. And also your decision to spend your love on me.” Uruha says, his voice starts sounding angry. “I can’t help that…”
”Stop acting like there’s nothing between us!” Aoi shouts. “Stop acting like I am not special to you! You know that I am! You know that you feel different emotions for me than for other customers.”
Uruha blinks with his eyes. “Tsukasa-san-“
”No shut up! Do you think it is easy for me? Do you think that I don’t suffer for this? I cheated on my wife, with a whore! But you changed me. And I-…I can’t live without you anymore, I-“
But Uruha pushed his lips against Aoi’s mouth; he didn’t let him end his sentence.

Aoi recovers from his surprise, and starts kissing back, he enjoys Uruha’s taste…He enjoys the touch and the scent of the other man.
Uruha moves his hands up and down Aoi’s chest and belly, he pushes Aoi under him, lying over the front seats of the car.
Aoi softly moans as Uruha kisses him in the neck while untying Aoi’s belt and zips down his pants.
Aoi rips off Uruha’s blouse, and kisses his naked chest.

”Tsukasa-san,” Uruha gasps in Aoi’s ear. “Show me how much you love me…Please!”
And Aoi pushes Uruha off him, and now sits on top of him instead. He rubs his upper-body with one hand, while touching his crotch with the other.
Uruha softly moans and bites Aoi in the ear.
Then Aoi turns Uruha around while gasping and moaning in his ear.

”Show me Tsukasa! SHOW ME!” Uruha moans louder, as Aoi enters him.
The car moves up and down in the rhythm, both men moan and gasp.
Aoi feels how the pleasure overwhelms him, how everything starts dazzling and turning, and all he can think about, is giving Uruha the best he can give.
Aoi licks Uruha’s neck, bites in it. Moans in his ear and kisses and touches his upper-body.
And then the orgasm comes…
The explosion takes over Aoi’s body and mind, and he moans like he never did before…
And then it’s over.

”I love you too Tsukasa…”

”CUT!” Kai shouts. “WE’RE DONE! WELL DONE! WELL DONE EVERYONE!”

The last shooting. The last scene.
Kai’s master-piece, is finished.
Uruha’s biggest and most tiring part, has ended. He did it.
He made it till the end of the movie…It was over now.

Uruha doesn’t look up as he walks away from the set, he already put some clothes on.
”Oi!” he hears a voice behind him, and Uruha turns around. He is tired…He is so tired, all he wants now is to take a shower and listen to Karyu’s rant about how fantastic he is, then shake hands with Kai, call Shou and then…
Then he’ll meet Him.
Then Reita will be waiting for him in that café.
But now someone else seems to want to hold a conversation…

Aoi smiles at him. “We’re finished.”
”We are.” Uruha agrees.
”It went fast eh?”
”Yes, yes it did.”

Aoi grins. “It was nice working with you.”
”Thank you.” Uruha softly says.
”I hope we’ll meet another time…Perhaps I can tend you to have a drink with me after this?”
Uruha looks surprised. “Eh…” He stutters. “I eh, I can’t.”
”Aw. Too bad. Maybe some other time then, ne?” Aoi smiles. “But may I ask you, why can’t you?”
”I eh, I have an appointment.” Uruha answers, he feels a bit uncomfortable for some reason.
”Ah! A date?” Aoi says teasing.
”Ye- eh no. No not a date. Just a meeting.”
”Well, bummer.” Aoi shrugs. “But we’ll meet again, I am sure.”
He puts his hand in the air as a sign of farewell, and walks away.

Uruha sighs.
He has no idea why, but Aoi confuses him. He always did.
There’s something about him that…Makes Uruha feel weird.
But he just can’t say what it is.
While thinking about Aoi, Uruha walked to his dresser-room, but when he arrived there, he got surprised by a person waiting in front of the door.
”Shou! I expected you to call me later, not to pay me a visit…” Uruha says surprised.
Shou smiles. “I wanted to congratulate you in person, and I have some, eh, business to handle here.”
Uruha notices Shou seems a bit nervous, but he is quite sure Shou won’t want to talk to him now anyway.
Uruha knows Shou is worried about him, and Shou is the kind of friend that doesn’t want to bother him with his own problems, when he thinks Uruha is more in trouble than he is.
”So,” Shou continues, and his smile grows bigger and now is more convincing. “CONGRATULATIONS!”
Uruha grins. “Thank you…I am happy it’s finally over.”
Shou slowly nods. “You look tired Uru.”
”I am tired.” Uruha sighs. “Very tired.”
”Then I shall tell you: Karyu has some great news for you Uru-kun.” Shou smiles. “I am now spoiling a surprise, but I don’t think you can handle surprises at the moment.”

Uruha smiles. No…It wouldn’t have been a surprise.
He saw it coming.
He knew it would happen.
The way Karyu acted towards him lately, the way Kai grinned sometimes, and how they kept on telling him “ he delivered unforgettable work”.
Uruha isn’t stupid.
He made it.
He can get out of here. This was his last part in this scene.
From this day on, Uruha won’t be a porn-star anymore.
He actually made it…To get out of this world.

Shou sees how the expression on his friend’s face changes; he really looks relieved now…Happy.
Things in his life, are finally going well.
Finally going, the way he deserves.
And Shou doesn’t know why, but he suddenly holds Uruha in a hug.
And even if it surprised Uruha, he doesn’t show it, and just hugs back.

For a few seconds they stand like this.
No talking, there’s no need for words now.
It is their way of telling each other, how much they thank, need and care for each other.
But it’s not their style to say that in words.
Why should they? If they can show it this way. It’s what they are friends for. To understand each other, even without words to explain themselves.

”…This is a very interesting picture.” An amused voice says.
Both men are shocked and let each other go very quickly. Both, Shou and Uruha look a bit caught at their manager.
Karyu wasn’t supposed to be a witness of their moment of emotional expression.
”I knew I had to make you two work together.” Karyu says grinning, while shaking his head. “But now I don’t think I’ll have that chance anymore.
Shou, I know you and Uruha were just having a great time together-“
”IT WAS JUST A HU-“ Both actors shout indignant, but Karyu holds up his hand and interrupts them.
”-But I am afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.” Karyu continues undisturbed. “I have to discuss something with our Star.”
Shou nods. “It doesn’t matter, I have something to do anyway.” Then he looks at Uruha and grins. “Congratulations eh? I’ll speak you later! Good luck by the way.”
”Good luck with what?” Uruha asks surprised.
”Your you-know-what with you-know-who!” Shou grins. “Bye. Wish me luck too.”
”Eh…ok.” Uruha says confused. “Why do you need luck?”
”I’ll tell you later.” Shou says, while walking away.
And Uruha can guess who is involved in Shou’s “business”.

Saga walks into his dresser-room. He had some shootings today, but his mind was somewhere else.
He can’t even tell what he feels right now. He never felt this way before…
Hurt, broken…desperate.
Several words to describe his emotional status.
But he knows, that he won’t get over Shou in the nearby future. Not in the further future either, probably.

He fell harder than he thought.
Harder than he realized.
Deeper than he ever fell before.
Why was he so stupid to let Shou go?
But there also is…his anger towards him.
He can’t forget all the pain Shou caused him in the passed months.
And the pain he caused him a few years ago, though that wasn’t really Shou’s fault.
Shou was the guy that made Saga realize he fancied boys too…And that was very painful for Saga. Cause he didn’t want to.
He didn’t want to face the fact he fancied a boy. So he rejected Shou when he kissed him.
Saga ran away from him.
Like Saga did a few days ago, when he saw Shou and Hiroto kiss…
And that memory almost makes him cry again.
Shou also is the first person that managed making Saga cry real tears…
Therefore, Saga always was able to only cry them on the inside, not to show them on the outside…
Shou made him cry tears filled with pain. And Saga hates him for that.
But he loves him more than he ever loved someone else…
He wants him more than he ever wanted someone.
He needs him harder than he ever needed someone.
But he has no idea…How to make that clear… How to tell it to Shou.
How to show it.
Also, because Shou doesn’t feel that way, obviously.
He has others to love, want and need.
’He won’t ever come back to me…’ Saga thinks. As he comes out of the shower. ‘Especially, since I never really had him.’ But a part of Saga, just doesn’t want to feel anything for Shou…

Saga opens the door of his dresser-room and wants to leave.
But as he opens it…he sees that someone stands against the wall across the door.
His arms are crossed, he stares at his feet, but not in a shy way.
He has this dark look, as if he is up to something…
And Saga froze in the doorstep as he saw him.
”S-Shou?” He asks unbelieving.
No reaction from the man in front of him, but Saga just knows it is him.
”What the hell are you doing here?” Saga says, his voice sounds cold. “Didn’t I tell you I do not ca-“
”SHUT UP!” Shou suddenly shouts. He finally looks up, the expression on his face is calm, though…dangerous.

Saga heads back, overwhelmed by the surprise of Shou shouting at him.
”Wh-what?”
”I said, SHUT UP!” Shou says, and he walks away from the wall, into Saga’s direction.
Saga heads back, further and further into his dresser-room, until his back is pushed against the wall.
He can’t escape from Shou anymore…

Shou comes very close to Saga, and grabs him at his collar.
”For months,” He softly says, his voice is drenched in anger. “For months you told me you don’t care a fuck about me.”
”I also don-“
”SHUT UP! I am talking!” Shou shouts, then he takes a breath and continues:
”You always told me we were nothing more than friends, and lately we are even less than that.
But it was YOU that contacted me again. It was YOU that ran away crying while seeing me kissing another man, it was YOU that always got angry.
And I know I hurt you, but what do you think you did to me?
I know you care Saga.
I know you do.”
And before Saga can open his mouth, Shou suddenly kisses him on it.

A rough kiss, though passionate.
Saga never felt like this before…His heart is beating, his body is screaming, his mind is messed up…
He tastes Shou, he feels Shou.
He feels how Shou pushes him harder against the wall, how Shou’s hand rubs through his hair, and how Shou’s other hand holds his thin shoulder and squeezes in it.
And it feels so…fantastic.

Saga was surprised for a few seconds, but now he realizes what Shou is doing…
And Saga doesn’t stop him. The opposite.
Saga kisses back, places his hand in Shou’s neck, and his arm around Shou’s waist, his other hand squeezing his hip.
He tries to push Shou against the wall, instead of himself being pushed against it, he manages to turn Shou around, but he struggles to get Saga back against the wall. But Saga wins, and Shou feels how he is stuck between a wall and Saga’s body.

Shou lets his hand slide from Saga’s shoulder, amongst his back to the area of Saga’s ass.
He was so afraid of doing this, he was scared for Saga’s reaction…
But at the other hand: He was sure. He was sure of Saga’s feelings, ever since he saw him cry.
And now, Shou’s feelings are finally answered.
Shou softly squeezes in Saga’s ass, their kiss wasn’t interrupted from the start, and they aren’t planning on interrupting it.
Saga pushes his leg between Shou’s legs, and pulls Shou’s head a bit down at his hair.
He touches Shou’s ass the same way as Shou touches his.
And they both know they won’t spend their evening alone.

“Uruha.” Karyu smiles as he finished his talk. “You made it.”
Uruha is smiling as well, he feels a bit less tired already.
It is lying in front of him, on the small table in front of the comfortable couch in his dresser-room.
The contract.
The contract with a big movie studio. A studio that produces normal movies. Good movies.
Movies that have nothing to do with porn.
Uruha can’t believe it, even though he saw it coming.
His dream really has come true…

”I am very proud of you.” Karyu smiles. “So, so proud. In all those years we’ve worked together, I really saw you grow.
And for a moment I really was afraid you changed into an arrogant star, like so many others did before you, but you stayed at your ideals. And that’s why you made it.
I really am proud. And thankful, cause partial, I made it too.”
Uruha looks up at his manager. He sees Karyu as a special person. He is the one that practically saved his life.
”Karyu-sama,” Uruha softly says. “Thank you so much.”
”Don’t even DARE to thank me!” Karyu laughs. “Plus: I have to thank you, thanks to this contract, I can finally quit.
Do you know what that means?
You released me and Shou as well.”
Uruha blinks with his eyes.
”Yes, you did.” Karyu smiles. “Cause since I can quite in this scene now, my contract with Shou isn’t continuing. Shou is free to leave if he wants to.
And even Kai has profit in this. He is contracted too, you know; His newest script is accepted by the same company as you are contracted to now.
And in this scene; Sensual Red Lights will make history. I am sure.”
Karyu puts a hand on Uruha’s shoulder.
”Thank you, Uruha. We’ll see each other soon, I’ll give you a call. As always. And though, it will be completely different than those other times.”
Uruha can only grin widely.

Ruki walks into his dresser-room, he stares at the small packet he found in front of his door.
”RUKI” it says in messy signs.

‘What the hell is this?’ Ruki thinks as he opens it, and a CD falls out of it.
A letter is taped on the cover of it.

”Watch this. It is a DVD.
It will show you how trustable Love can be, and how sweet Enemies are.
Do Never Believe Their Promises.
You fool.

Signed: AnOnI.mouS.”

”What a moron, for spelling anonymous wrong…” Ruki softly mumbles.
This probably is crap, it is rubbish, a joke maybe.
But though…
Trustable Love…
Sweet Enemy…
For some reason, Ruki feels weird reading those words…

He opens the small box, hesitates…But then walks to his DVD-player and places the disc in it.

The TV shows him…

Reita.
Reita who is just waiting in the studio...And the set, is the one of today’s shootings. This was recorded today!
But then, Uruha walks to him, and Reita stands up. The expression on his face seems so happy…
And Uruha seems very glad to see him.
They start a conversation, they’re talking softly, but Ruki can hear it:
”Hey, I am glad to see you.” Uruha softly says, smiling. “I was wondering…How late do you want to-?”
”Oh eh…No idea. Whenever you have time…If you don’t, I understand. I know you’re busy and-“ Reita says hesitating, he seems a bit uncomfortable.
Uruha smiles. “No! No it’s no problem, I really want to meet, you know. To talk.”
Reita slowly nods.
”But eh…” Uruha continues. “Can you wait till I am done here? Then I can come to you if you want to, instead of you coming to my place.”
”Eh-“ Reita says fast. “What about meeting in a café? That new one, the coffee-house…Do you know it?”
”Yes, yes I do. That’s okay! Cool! I’ll be done around 5, I promise.”
”It’s okay. I’ll wait there. No problem.” Reita smiles.
Then Uruha, softly and a bit shy, with shining eyes, says: “See you then.”

The DVD stopped.
Ruki stares at his television without realising time…
He feels how all the anger he has inside him, takes his mind over.
And all he can think about is: Stop Reita. And Stop him for good.

Ruki looks at his watch, it’s half past 4…
But he knows, Reita is still around here.
And he also knows where to find him. Where to stop him.
”I won’t have mercy with you now…” Ruki says, as he stands up from the couch.

Uruha walks into the café, he hurried, but Karyu’s talk took a longer time than expected.
It is 5 past 5.
’I am late!’ Uruha thinks. ‘Stupid, stupid me…’
He looks around the coffee house…
But- Where is Reita?
’Maybe he is late too…’ Uruha thinks. As he sits down in a seat next to the window.
The rain is pouring down on the streets…

It now is almost 6 o’clock…And Reita still isn’t there.
Uruha ordered four cups of coffee, left a message in Reita’s voicemail…
But he now knows for sure: He won’t come.
’He forgot about me…
Or he never wanted to know me.
Or I scared him! Maybe he only wanted to be friends, and I was too obvious with my intentions…Or maybe something happened!
No…No nothing has happened.
What could happen?
No…
He just didn’t come.
And he won’t come either.’

Precisely when Uruha thinks that, the door of the café opens, and a young man enters.
Uruha looked up hopefully…
But the person that has entered isn’t Reita.
Though, it is someone Uruha knows…

Aoi walks to his table and smiles. “Hey! That’s coincidental…”
”Yeah…It is.” Uruha adds a watery smile.
”I came to shelter for the rain…It’s horrible isn’t it?”
Aoi indeed is completely soaked, but despite that, he still looks good.
”…Am I disturbing in your appointment?” He asks then, looking around if he sees another person.
”No, no.” Uruha softly says. “I am alone…”
”Oh…Mind if I keep you company then?” Aoi asks friendly, his eyes are shining, his smile is flirty.
Uruha looks through the window one more time, then at his watch.
Reita is more than one and half an hour too late.
”Yes, you can sit down.” Uruha says then, and he smiles at Aoi.

note: I know I said this was going to be the last chapter, but it was just getting too long X3;; and with school and my job I also don't have much free-time left, so it can take a while before the last chapter will be posted

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-10/?

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 19:03:31 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto, SagaxShou, ToraxHiroto , UruhaxReita, ReitaxUruha, RukixUruha, AoixUruha (beware of the one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )( 06 )( 07 )( 08 )( 09 )

“So, how’s your sushi?” Hiroto asks smiling.
Shou nods absently. “Yeah, good.”
”But…You hardly eat from it.”

Shou looks up from his thoughts. “Eh?”
”…Is everything okay Shou-kun?” Hiroto asks.
”Eh, no- well, yes but, you see I- You-”

“Yes?” Hiroto smiles.
”Where is Tora?” Shou ends his sentence then.
”Oh…Eh,” Hiroto says hesitating. “He eh…He dumped me for someone else.”
”Did he?!” Shou says indignant.
Hiroto nods slowly. “Eh yes, he eh did.”
”Asshole!” Shou says. “Is everything okay with you? Want to talk about it?”

“Oh eh no, no. I am fine, really!” Hiroto says fast. It seems like he wants to change subjects. ”We didn’t really have something in common anyway.”

For a while there’s a silence. Shou keeps on staring at his plate without really eating, in fact; he is not hungry.
Hiroto looks at Shou, and the way he stares at his food.
’This,’ he thinks. ‘Is going to be more difficult than I expected…’

”Shou-kun,” Hiroto says then, his voice sounds sweet.
Shou looks up. “Ne? Yeah, the sushi is nice!” He fakes a smile and starts stuffing his mouth with sushi.
”…Shou, I want to tell you something.” Hiroto says, his voice still sounds very…sweet and flirty.
Shou swallows.

‘The way he talks now, the way he looks at me now! The way, he…He is now. Can it be that he-?

But…Why am I not happy about that?’
”Eh- Hiroppon…” Shou mumbles.

But Hiroto puts two fingers against Shou’s lips. “Shhhht” He whispers. “Let me say this, ok?” He smiles.
Shou swallows again. He does feel something, really! Some…tickling in his belly, something that does make him nervous about that touch, something that can be called a chemical reaction to Hiroto’s behaviour now.
But it isn’t as heavy as it used to be…But, maybe it will come back? And maybe he’s just not used to Hiroto anymore.
And maybe, Shou mustn’t ask for more…Maybe he must be content with this. Since…This is already more than he used to have.
‘Let’s just give it a try…It will come back, I am sure.’ Shou thinks.

But there’s something…That isn’t right.

Uruha stares at his phone.
Then at the piece of paper in his hands.

Then at the phone again.
Shou called him an hour ago, telling him he bumped into…Reita.
And he told him what Reita said, what Reita gave to him.
Uruha swallows.
Can he do this?
Does he have the guts to…?
Why actually not? Why shouldn’t he call Reita?
’What do I have to lose? He wanted me to have his number…He wanted me to call…He, he wants to see me. Or talk to me at least. That is a good sign! Right? Yes!’
Uruha takes one last breath.
Then he pushes in the buttons of the phone, according to the number written on the little note in his hand.

’Beep…Beep…Bee-‘ “Hello?”
Uruha feels how his heart beats in his throat. It’s his voice…
”Hello?” he says again, now Reita sounds more impatient.
Uruha opens his mouth and wants to say: “Hi! It’s me, you know, Uruha! You wanted me to call?”
But all that comes out is: “H-H-Hello.”
”…Who is this?” He sounds hesitating.
”Eh…It’s m-me. Uruha.”
”Uruha!” He sounds relieved, surprised, and even a bit…happy.
Uruha feels how his confidence grows. He can do this, for sure!
”Yeah, Shou gave me your number, as you asked.”
”Yeah, I did.”
”So eh, why did you want me to call?”
”…Isn’t that clear?” He says hesitating.
”Eh? What?” Uruha says confused.
”Don’t you…Don’t you get it then?” Reita slowly says.
”Well…No?”
”…I just…I wanted you to call so…So we could see each other more often.” He sounds like he is ashamed to say this.
Uruha is silenced for a while, and then he feels how his heart starts beating faster and faster, how his stomach is turned up side down. He even can’t think clear anymore.
’I really…Am in love.’ He thinks.
”U-Uruha? Still there? Did I…Did I embarrass you?”

”Saga, CALM DOWN! Please!”
”NO!” Saga shouts, he punches into a pillow, he throws a vase against the wall, he kicks against Nao’s desk.
”AUCH!” he screams, and he grabs his foot. “That hurt…” He grumbles.
”Saga, please, behave!”

“I’ll kill that squirrel, I”LL KILL HIM!”
Nao sighs. “Why, Saga?”
Saga stares at Nao. “Why do you think?” He slowly says, his voice shudders from anger. “HE STOLE SHOU!”

“He didn’t steal him Saga.”
”HE DID!”
”No…You let him go.”
”I DIDN’T!”
”You even sent him away.” Nao continues, he sounds sad.

“I DIDN’- I…I did.” Saga’s eyes become big. His hands start shaking, his skin is white.
”I did.” He repeats, and he lets himself fall in a chair.

Nao sighs. Why did it have to go this way? Why did it have to fail?
Nao did what he promised Shou, he told Saga Shou regrets it, he told Saga that if he really cares for Shou, he must not be so stubborn. But it didn’t help.
Saga’s pride stood, again, in the way.
And now it was too late, someone else passed by and took Shou away from Saga.
Nao feels mixed about it; at first: Saga should have never said those things to Shou, but on the other hand: If Shou really cared as much for Saga as he made it seem to Nao, he shouldn’t have accepted the offer of Hiroto. But he did.
Though, that makes sense, since Saga literally said he hated Shou, but a smart guy like Shou, should’ve seen through it all.
It is sad, and nothing else but sad.

”Saga,” Nao says then. “You have to relax. To let your stress go, so you can think clear.”
”Why should I need to think clear?” Saga mumbles softly.
”So you can think of a way to win Shou back.”
”…”

“Just come!” Nao says decisive. Sometimes, he really shows he can be in charge as well; on the moments when Saga needs that, he will show his strongest sides. That’s what they’re friends for.

”Nao I don’t know if I-“
”No complaining. Just relax.” Nao says decisive.
Saga sighs. ‘I need more than only a massage to forget what I’ve done…And to get rid of that vision of Shou and Hiroto…”
Nao pulls him into the building, and before Saga knows he lies on a massage-table, waiting for his masseuse.

”Hello.” A voice says.
Saga looks up, Nao already started speaking: “Hello there! My friend here wants a massage.”
”Then he is at the right address.” The tall, dark-haired guy grins.
Saga swallows. He knows that guy. He once saw him in the studios.
He is- no, he was Hiroto’s boyfriend…
Tora starts massaging Saga, who feels that Nao, maybe, could be right. It does feel good…

”You have a lot of stress.” Tora says after a few minutes.
Saga doesn’t answer.
Nao left, he went to drink some coffee at the other side of the street.
”…How’s Hiroto?” Saga asks then, sounding innocent.
He feels how Tora seems surprised for a second, but he recovers fast. “Fine!” He says cheerful.
”Really? I haven’t spoken to him in a while…”
”Are you a friend of his?” Tora asks.
”Hm, no, we’re colleagues.”
”Ah, I see...”
”And what about you?” Saga asks.
”I am a close friend of Hiro.”
”…Are you…” Saga slowly mumbles.
”Yes, I am.” Tora smiles. “Recently, I even helped him out with some troubles.”
”What troubles?” Saga asks, his tone still sounds innocent.
”Ah, well, the usual, ne?” Tora grins. “There was this guy that fancied him, but he thought he was too easy to catch, so Hiro thought of this plan, to play a bit with him.”

”…To play with him?” Saga feels how he gets angry.
”Yes.” Tora grins. “So I pretended to be his boyfriend, we do that more often when we want to make people jealous or just to fool around with someone. Well, it worked, because the guy didn’t really like it. But there was this small problem.”
”A small problem?”
”Yes, you see…Most of the time, those guys try to make us break up, or fight harder for Hiro-chan, or they just hook off and let Hiro come to them when he is “done” with me. This guy went to some other guy instead, and that wasn’t what Hiroto planned ne?”
”Really?” Saga has to push his cheeks together with all his strength so he won’t start shouting.
”Yes, so Hiro was a bit in shit.” Tora grins. “He realized he actually did like the guy more than he expected, and though he did make him jealous with me, the guy gave up on him. So it was Hiroto’s turn to get jealous now.

But he is a lucky guy, since the guy’s crush seemed to be one of those stubborn “I don’t care about you”-guys, while in fact everyone could tell he was in love, but anyway: Hiroto took his chance. And now they’re on a date!”
”…What was the guy’s name?”
”Eh, Shou, I believe. Maybe you know him too!” Tora smiles. “He is also a colleague of Hiro-chan.”
”…And Shou’s crush?”
”Eh, let me think…Sana? Sora? Ah I remember! Saga!”

”That’s okay.
Yeah, for sure…No, no problem at all!
See you then! Bye Uru.”
And Reita ends his phone-conversation with Uruha, he is sitting against the door of the men’s toilet in the studios. Reita didn’t see someone inside this small, smelly room.
’He did it.
He really called. So he does want to know me. Just me. The real me. He wasn’t nice to me because I have to work with him, he really likes me. And…now I’ll go see him! We’ll meet.
Why…Why does that make me so nervous and excited?
Why…Why can’t I wait to speak with him again?
We’re just friends…’
But Reita can answer his own questions. He knows why he feels this way, every time when he thinks about Uruha. He knows why he wanted him to give him a call.
He knows.

He knows that he fell in love with him.

Aoi kept quiet all the time.
Every single word of the conversation that stand-in just held, he heard. Every sound his voice made into the phone.
Aoi feels how his heart is beating in his troth, how his blood is pumping through his veins.
Furious, is a way to describe his emotional status now.
How does he dare?
How does that damn stand-in dare to steal Uruha?
How come Aoi didn’t notice this? How come he was too blind to see this?
Because he didn’t focus on the stand in…
In Aoi’s plans: He didn’t have any use. He was a good development in his plan to make Ruki disappear, but in fact: he meant nothing.
Meant.
Cause now, that has changed.
He must be eliminated. He must disappear.
And Aoi knows, how to do that. And with who.

It was a few days ago when Aoi walked to the showers when he heard Ruki shouting. Aoi got curious; whatever made Ruki so angry, maybe he could use it in his plans. So Aoi looked through the small opening in the door, and what he saw; he definitely could use:
A rapist. Aoi would have never thought Ruki would be a rapist, but it appears he misjudged the dwarf.
For a while, Aoi doubted about what to do with what he saw…he could have gone to the police, an investigation would be hold and Ruki would end up in jail, damaged and embarrassed in front of everyone… It would be Aoi’s goal.
But Aoi was afraid of going to the police.
He was afraid of the police in general.
His plans, could be discovered, what he was doing to reach his goal could come out. Uruha would know that Aoi, is in fact his stalker, even if it only was to make Ruki disappear… It would seem like Aoi meant those letters.
And partial he did, but that’s not the point. They were supposed to frighten Uruha, and to make Ruki suspicious, and that worked.
If the police would get involved, everything would be ruined.

But now, Aoi is very glad he didn’t go to the police…Cause with that information; with knowing Ruki’s actual feelings for Uruha.
Knowing Ruki’s hate and jealousy towards his stand-in…Aoi could make the stand-in disappear.
And if he was lucky, and Aoi always is lucky, Ruki would go with him.
’I am a genius.’ Aoi thinks, while still sitting in the toilet-cube. ‘Uruha…You’re mine.’

”COME ON! Pick up…Please! Please pick up!” Saga says to his cell-phone, while he walks through the street, not really minding his feet, but he is heading for Shou’s apartment, since he doesn’t answer his phone.
He is doing something he would have never expected from himself: he is calling Shou. Even visiting him, probably.
’Shou…please pick up! You have to listen to me! You have to answer your phone Shou! You waited for weeks for me to call you, now I finally do! I know I am a stupid ass, BUT JUST PICK UP YOUR DAMN-‘
But Saga’s thoughts are interrupted, as he notices the couple standing across the street, in front of Shou’s apartment-building.

Even if there’s a huge distance in between, Saga doesn’t have to wonder who those are.
The chemical reaction in his body when he saw the taller one was enough.
And the anger and pain he feels now…says enough as well.
Saga stares at them…His tears burn.
He is too late.
As always, he was too late realizing he was wrong about his feelings.
And now…he is too late warning the one he feels that much for.
Too late to apologise.
Because…It doesn’t matter anymore.
His is just too late.

Shou felt how Hiroto pushed his lips against his own, after walking him home.
Shou tasted, and still tastes, Hiroto.
’Now…’ Shou thinks. ‘Now I have to feel it. Now I have to be sure.
Why am I not feeling it?
Why can’t I be sure about this?
What, what is the problem?’
But Shou can tell what the problem is. The name of that problem…Is Saga.
”Hiroto.” Shou softly says after pushing Hiroto away, though softly. “I am sorry…But I can’t.”

”Eh?” Hiroto says surprised, Shou stopped him in the middle of their kiss; he just opened his eyes but is still confused about the lose of contact with Shou’s mouth.
”I can’t do this.” Shou softly says.
But while he says it, Shou notices Hiroto is staring at the other side of the street. The expression on Hiroto’s face…Is a weird one to explain.
A mix of surprise, shock and anger.
Shou follows Hiroto’s glance, but in the same second Shou’s eyes met his…
Saga ran away.
And this time Shou is sure of what he saw:
Saga was crying.

“So you do care…” Shou softly mumbles.

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-8/?

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 19:27:50 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto, SagaxShou, ToraxHiroto , UruhaxReita, ReitaxUruha, RukixUruha, AoixUruha (beware of the one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )( 06 )( 07 )( 08 )

‘Three months.
Three months have passed since the first day of the shootings of the movie. My biggest part up till now.
I remember how Kai handed me the script saying: “Sensual Red Lights.”
It’s the name of the movie, and I am the star of it.
Three months of working for my escape, three months of…stress.
Even three months of slight fear.
He didn’t stop Shou. He didn’t stop.
I still get the notes. I still get wine.
He gets more personal every time there’s a new letter.

”Oh my, I think I never felt so deeply involved with someone.”

”I think you’ve changed my life.”

And that wasn’t everything. It gets worse and worse.
The person who writes them Shou…It almost seems like he really loves me.
I am scared Shou. The person seems to be really close.
Really, really close.
Please Shou, I wouldn’t ask this if it wasn’t urgent, cause I don’t want to disturb your deserved vacation…
Come back Shou.
I need you.

Love,

Uruha.”

’Dear Uruha,

I am sorry for taking such a long time; as soon as I can I’ll come home! I took long enough to think about everything, it’s time to face my problems and be there for my friend.
Meanwhile Uruha: Try to continue acting like nothing is wrong. Call Tsukasa! He’ll help Uru.
Take care, I’ll be back within a week!

Love,

Shou.’

“What?” Ruki asks grumpy as he opens the door.
”Finally! WHY didn’t you let me in?” Zero asks indignant.
”Cause this is my day off, and I don’t want to spend my day off with you. That’s why it’s a day off.”
Ruki looks very different when he doesn’t have to be in the studios.
His short, blonde hair is not gelled, and just hangs amongst his face. His clothes are a normal t-shirt and normal jeans, with normal sneakers.
Nothing of the arrogant porn-star is left in his looks. The only thing that reminds you of his job in his time off is his manager standing at his doorstep right now.

”How polite Ruki.” Zero says threatening.
”Sorry. But isn’t it enough to just have some time for myself? You already took all my time at work and almost my entire life, can I just be free for once in a month?!”
”You can Ruki. But not today.” Zero says decisive.
”And why not?! It’s in my contract! I don’t have to work today! I WON’T work today!” Ruki shouts.
”You also don’t have to work. I am not here for work. I am here to tell you to STOP it.”
”…Stop what?” Ruki asks perplexed.
”Let me in Ruki.”
”Can’t you just tell me what the hell you’re talking abou-“
”TAKANORI! LET ME IN!” Zero shouts.
Shocked, Ruki opens the door further and lets Zero pass.

”Won’t you offer me some tea?” Zero asks, while sitting down on Ruki’s couch.
”No. You’re leaving soon.” Ruki says.
”Really?” Zero says innocently. “I don’t think so Ruki. Better sit down.”
”You can’t tell me what to do in my own house!”
”I can. Sit.”
And Ruki sits down, though a bit scared.

”And now,” Zero says soft and threatening. “You are going to tell me what the hell you’re thinking.”
”Thinking what?” Ruki says, his hands are starting to shake.
”One word Ruki. Or better said: A name:” Zero continues with the same threatening tone. “Uruha.”

Ruki swallows. “I h-have no idea what you’re talking about.”
”No?” Zero says indignant. “I don’t think so Ruki. You know exactly what I am talking about. I watched it for months now.
The way you’re looking at him, disgusting Ruki.
HOW COULD YOU?!”
Ruki now really is shaking. “I…I-“
”SPARE ME YOUR EXCUSES!” Zero shouts. “I don’t want to hear them. But this Ruki, is UNBELIEVABLE, really…This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

Now Ruki feels how angry he gets. He is not allowed to do anything…Anything. Nothing he may do, apart from beating Uruha probably. So Zero will beat Karyu.
But from all things Zero forbade Ruki, this is the worst: He isn’t even allowed to fall in love.
Ruki starts shouting before he realises:
”BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP THIS? I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ONLY ANGRY ABOUT THAT CAUSE OF YOUR LOVE FOR KARYU-“
Ruki feels how Zero’s fist contacts his cheek.
”Shut up.” Zero whispers. “SHUT UP! You’re crossing the line again Ruki. AGAIN. You were doing so well, I thought we made it Ruki. I thought you’ve changed. You didn’t.”
Ruki swallows.
”You can’t change the person I am!” Ruki whispers loud.
”No. You can.” Zero says. “And you will. Otherwise…You know what will happen.”
Again Ruki starts shaking.
”Exactly. Be happy with what I did for you Ruki. I helped you; I am your only friend. I picked you up from the street and I didn’t give you in when you robbed me. I paid all your victims back, you didn’t get charged for robbery and dealing.
A cocaine-junk, is what you were. I made you into a star.
Be thankful. Because I am the only one you have left.”
Ruki feels how tears start burning as Zero reminds him of those times…
”So, don’t do stupid things, Ruki. And stop loving him.”
“You’re not my friend.” Ruki had whispered softly, as Zero left the room and the apartment.

’That’s when it started. It is all me to blame, but my frustrations grew till their highest.
Not even being allowed to love the one I love, is what makes me feel so bad. I had to pretend I hate him, had to be a complete ass.
I had to beat him, while I know I couldn’t. Because deeply inside: I didn’t want to beat him.
But then…He came.
And I saw their meeting; I saw how Uruha looked at him. And I felt horrible. I couldn’t feel worse…
It was like something in me awoke an urge to hurt that damn man.
He came to replace me, because I wasn’t good enough myself, not good enough according to Uruha, and according to Zero.
He came to replace me, that idea already hurt. But he really is better than I’ll ever be.
I saw how Uruha looked at him…
And he didn’t even want to know.
That is why I hate him; he is not worth Uruha’s love.

But I saw how he could bring Uruha pleasure like I never will, I saw how Uruha started to desire for him.
From their first meeting, I knew this was a useless battle, I had lost already.
That is why I started hurting him; I wanted to make him feel the same pain as I do.
Not being allowed to come near to a person, and getting punished when he does, like Zero always did to me.
I still don’t know why I can’t control myself…But he is the victim of all my frustrations.
And still I hate him, though I am sorry.
But I can’t stop it.
And why should he be allowed to love my Uruha, while I am not?
Why should he be able to be around him, while I can’t?
Why…Why can he love him, while I am not allowed to?
It is unfair.
It doesn’t make sense.
It hurts.
It is why I am doing these things…It is why I want to punish of Reita.
Though it is not Reita’s fault, but I hate him. I will never accept he will take everything I had left.

My status and my love for Uruha.
Zero took everything else.
Now Reita took both of my last possessions, my last reasons to live.
That is why I hate him.
That is why I make him endure the same pain as I have to endure.’

Ruki lies in his dark bedroom, he is staring at the ceiling.
Cold tears stream amongst his cheeks.
One tear for Uruha.
One tear for Zero.
One tear for Reita.
One for Takanori Matsumoto, the person he hurt most from all persons he once hurt. The schoolboy with the urge to mean something, and that got involved with the wrong people. The boy that changed from an innocent student, into a junk. A boy without a name, background and home. A boy without money.
That boy, was even happier than Ruki is now.

“Hello?” Uruha’s voice sounds through the intercom.
”SURPRISE!” Shou shouts cheerful.
”Shou!” Uruha feels how he smiles. “Come on up!”

”I came as fast as I could, really.” Shou says worried, as Uruha opens the door for him. “But there wasn’t a train going back in the weekend so it took me a few days- What happened here?!”
Shou stands in the middle of Uruha’s living room, and it isn’t the stylish, tidy room Shou is used to.
It is a complete chaos.
Everywhere is junk; papers, clothes, spots on the carpet. Weird spots. Stings that look a lot like-
”It isn’t blood, don’t worry.” Uruha softly says.
“Then what the hell is this?! What happened here?!” Shou is shocked.
Uruha doesn’t answer, he just looks ashamed.

Shou kneels next to one of the spots, it’s deep red and spread all over the floor.
He caresses it with his finger-tops and smells at them.
”It smells like…Alcohol. Wine?” Shou asks softly, and he looks up to Uruha again.
Uruha nods.
”How many bottles..?”
”How many spots do you see?” Uruha answers with a rough voice.
Shou looks around; he counts at least 5 spots in the living room, on the furniture, the walls, and the carpet, everywhere.
Some last rests of glass lie around the couch too. The typical green colour of wine-bottles.

Now Shou really looks more carefully at Uruha, he sees how tired he is.
he didn’t shave today, he has circles underneath his eyes, his hair his messed up, he didn’t get dressed properly and walks around in a shirt he definitely sleeps in, and some jogging pants, he’s not wearing any shoe’s or socks.
This is breaking him, Shou can see it.
”Uruha…” he softly says.
Uruha stares at Shou, his eyes look tired, he’s near a breakdown, and Shou can see it.
Together with the pressure of the movie, this is too much for Uruha.

”This really must stop Uru-kun.” Shou slowly mumbles.
”Really? Too bad, I was just getting used to it.” Uruha tries to fake a grin.
’He’s trying to keep strong, to pretend he can handle it…’ Shou thinks.
”Uru, when did you get your last bottle?”
”The day before yesterday…” Uruha softly answers.
”And when did you do this?” Shou asks soft and concerned.
”…The day before yesterday.”
”What the hell did that letter say, Uruha?” Shou says shocked.

Uruha turns around and starts walking through the room, slowly, with a sad expression. He stops walking when he reached the wall, then he starts speaking.
”That letter…It was different from others. All letters became more and more intense every time again…But this one…
It really scared me.
It said something about the passion he feels when he reaches victory, but no victory up till now could be compared with the victory he would feel when he…Reached his goals.
That goal is me Shou!
I can feel it!
This man won’t rest ‘till he has me!” Uruha shouts.

He sounds so desperate, so painful. He really is scared.
Shou slowly walks over to Uruha, and puts his hand on his shoulder.
Uruha’s shoulders are shaking, he is crying.
”It will be alright!” Shou softly says. “We’ll catch him…I’ll find him for you. He’ll pay for this, I swear Uruha!”

”Hello, I want to speak with the one in charge over the investigation according to the stalker of a man named Uruha.”
The police-officer behind the cabinet looks a bit weird. “Eh, I am sorry sir, but I have no idea who that’s supposed to be…I have no sense about a case according to a stalker, and I never heard of someone named Uruha.”

Tsukasa watched this conversation, he saw the man entering the building while he was getting his coffee out of the machine.
He listened carefully, and now completely forgot about the brown caffeine-shot, he immediately ran to the two men at the counter.
”Matsumoto-san, it’s okay!” Tsukasa smiles. “I’ll take care of this man. Will you please follow me sir?” He friendly asks to the young man standing next to him.
The guy looks perplexed, but nods and follows Tsukasa to his office.

”I wonder how come you know about this.” Tsukasa says to him, as the man sat down in front of his desk.
”What do you mean?” He asks surprised.
”This case is small, I am the only one working on it, and the intention was to keep it secret. So either Uruha told you about this, or you are involved.”
”I am not a stalker!” the man shouts indignant. “I came here because I think I have some information…”
”Information?” Tsukasa says interested, though he sounds a bit suspicious. “Sounds helpful. But first, tell me who the hell you actually are!?”

Reita walks out of the man’s bathroom, Ruki has some shootings to do, but he’s not needed in the next hours.
Reita looked everywhere, but he couldn’t find him. Why he is looking for him he also doesn’t know…He just wants to talk to him.
What if he’ll tell Uruha everything?
What if…If he’ll ask Uruha to protect him? Maybe he could help…
If he can, Reita is sure Uruha will help. He promised.
And Reita trusts him. Even if they don’t know each other well…For months now they’ve worked together, and for months now Reita gets tortured by Ruki for even looking at Uruha…
But Reita can’t help it.
Even if he would have tried to stay away from Uruha and do as Ruki said, to see if Ruki would keep his promise and help him out of here, Reita would have been drawn to Uruha anyway.
’…What is it…’ Reita thinks. ‘That makes him so special? Why can’t I get him out of my mind..? Why do I like it to see him?
How come…I sometimes enjoy my work when I work with him..?
I can’t be-
I won’t be…
I may not be in love with him! NO! I can’t!’

Reita slumps against the wall, and buries his head in his hands; he rubs his cheeck-bones, and his eyes.
Then he hears footsteps: The corridor that borders at the corridor he sits in, someone is walking there.
Reita recognizes the face of the guy; that schoolboy Uruha always takes with him!
And even before he notices, Reita shouted: “OI! YOU!”

He turns around and faces the stand-in. He seems surprised. “Eh, can I help you?” He asks hesitating.
”Eh well,” Reita mumbles. “Yes. You’re a friend of Uruha, right?”
The boy slowly nods.
”Can you please…Give him this?”
And Reita hands the boy a small piece of paper.
”Tell him that…I want him to call, ok?” Reita says hesitating.
The boy seems perplexed, but takes the note. Then he smiles. “Of course!” he says friendly and suddenly he bows his head. “Thank you!”
”EH?!” Reita says surprised. “I didn’t do any-“
”No, I mean…This will cheer him up! Really!” the boy seems glad. “So thank you! You helped him, and me! I’ll make sure to give it to him as soon as I see Uruha!”
Reita nods, turns around and walks away, wondering why Uruha needs to be cheered up…

Shou walks through the studios, heading for the exit. His thoughts are with Uruha, he really is worried about his friend. The stand-in really had a great timing! Though it was unexpected…
Shou took a break for a few weeks to put the thoughts in his head straight, plus he was so tired of his job lately, he just needed a break.
He only had a bad timing with getting tired…

Not minding his feet, Shou walks around a corner and-
”AUCH!” A voice shouts.

Shou looks up; he recognised the voice, his heart froze when his shoulder contacted the other man’s, even if he didn’t realize who it was at that moment.
Saga stares at Shou, and Shou stares back.
”Well,” Saga says with a cold voice. “It’s you.”
”Y-yes.” Shou stutters. It’s been three months since their fight, three months! But Saga still seems angry; he still seems hurt by seeing Shou.

“I thought you were gone.” Saga still sounds so cold.
”I-I was, for a wh-while.”
”Oh.” Saga answers uninterested.
”But now I am back.” Shou says, more confident.
”Really?” Saga acts like he really doesn’t care.
”…Don’t you…Want to know where I’ve been?” Shou asks, his voice sounds hesitating.
Saga looks up, straight into Shou’s eyes; his look is just as cold as his voice. But in those sources of ice, there’s a burst shown. Saga’s pain is showed in his eyes, if you look carefully…
But Shou isn’t sure of what he sees.
”I don’t care a damn.” Saga says, as cold as a blizzard, that’s the way his voice sounds. “I just hoped you wouldn’t come back. That’s all. I don’t care a fuck about you. You’re a sore in the eye!”
The last words, Saga shouted at Shou.

Shou feels how tears burn, he feels how his heart hurts inside. He took a break, a break of three months, to get over him.
And it didn’t work.
His words still hurt; his appearance still makes Shou nervous.
He still wants to be with him.
Shou wants to open his mouth but instead of his own voice he hears someone else talking, a third person;

”Now, now Saga-san. That wasn’t very friendly.” Another cold voice says.
Shou shuddered when hearing that voice.
It can’t be, it won’t be…
”Hiroto…” Shou softly whispers as he sees how the shorter man walks next to him and stands in front of Saga, he looks angry.

”What do you want Hiroto? This is none of your business!” Saga says aggressive.
”It are my business.” Hiroto answers short and decisive.
”No, this is something between me and HIM,” Saga points at Shou. “And it has nothing to do with you!”
”Oh, I think it has.” Hiroto smiles. “Since he,” Hiroto holds Shou at his hand. “Is a very close friend of mine.”

Saga stares at Hiroto and Shou holding hands, then he stares at Hiroto’s face. He swallows.
”I see.” He only says, softly.
”So, Saga-san. I suggest you stop insulting Shou.” Hiroto smiles.
Saga now looks aggressive again: “And WHY should I do so?”
”Well, you just said you don’t care for Shou at all. Well, not a fuck were the exact words.” Hiroto says, with a tone as if he explains a little kid how to count till 10. “So why should you spill time on insulting him? Since you don’t care for him, you can better just ignore him ne? Or do you care for Shou, Saga-san?” That last sentence sounded…threatening.

Shou just stands there, completely perplexed: ‘What the hell is going on? Why is Hiroto doing this? Why is he holding my hand? And Saga, what about Saga? Does he really not care for me...? ’ Shou thinks. ‘Please Saga; tell Hiroto now that you do care…’

But Saga swallowed again, and then started laughing.
A humourless laugh.
”Of course I don’t care for him, what are you thinking?” Saga says mugging.
“Good! The please excuse us Saga, I am taking Shou out for dinner!” Hiroto says cheerful, and he takes Shou with him at his hand, even before Shou can react.
While Hiroto pulls him outside, Shou looks over his shoulder to Saga…

He sees how Saga slumps against the wall, how he rests his head in his hands and how his shoulders are shocking.

Then, while Hiroto opens the door, Saga looks up at Shou.
For a few seconds they stare in each others eyes, Shou sees how a tear falls from Saga’s cheek…
Then the door falls close.

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-8/?

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 10:14:35 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto, SagaxShou, ToraxHiroto , UruhaxReita, Reitax?, RukixUruha, AoixUruha (beware of the one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )( 06 )( 07 )

“You know that I appreciate your works as an actor, and you also know I what I think of you in private. That last thing didn’t influence my decision though.” Kai smiles. “I know with how much aversion you were looking on the promo, but you acted like a professional Uruha.
You put your negative feelings for Ruki aside and did what you had to do.
And even more.
We were all perplexed by what you put down there, in both of the scenes.
So! Congratulations!
You have the part!” Kai shakes hands with the taller actor in front of him, smiling warmly

Uruha feels triumph spreading through his veins. HE DID IT! He got the part! He beat Ruki! He will make it!
”I…I can’t say how happy I am Kai!” Uruha shouts.
”I know.” Kai laughs. “Here’s your script! We are starting with the shootings in a week. Try to know your texts.”

Uruha left the building with the biggest smile on his face.
Even the rain won’t harm him during his walk home…
He won! He did it!
While the smile doesn’t fade, he gets his cell-phone out of his pocket:
”Hello?”
”I hate you!” Uruha shouts cheerful into the phone.
”I love you too Uru-kun. So, are you happy with the part?” Karyu answers.
”No, I am deeply depressed, won’t ever get over it.”
”Glad to hear. Go work on those lines Thunderthigh! We’ll celebrate it tomorrow.” And with that Karyu hangs up.

He walks through the streets, it is later in the noon and it’s raining.
All people are hurrying cause of the rain, or looking for a place to stand dry.
But he doesn’t care. He is drowned in his thoughts.
He doesn’t exactly know what he’ll tell him, but he does have to talk to him.
And he hopes he remembers correctly where he lives…Let’s hope he did not move out in the time they didn’t have contact.

He knocks the door, while the water still streams from his body, though it’s dry in the gallery of the flat.
The door opens, a shorter brown-haired man stands there, and he remembers him.
”Hello Nao.”
”Ah! Eh hello…I remember you! Eh, give me a second-“Nao smiles.
”NAO? Who is it?” A voice shouts from behind, and the door to the tiny entrance hall opens, the blonde enters.
”…Shou…” Saga says softly and surprised.
”AH! See that I know you?” Nao says. “Shou! That’s right, Long time no see! How’re yo-”
”Nao,” Saga interrupts him. “Shut up and leave will you?”
Nao stutters something, Shou smiles uncomfortable. Then Nao leaves through the door Saga just came in through.

”That wasn’t very friendly.” Shou says softly while smiling a little.
”I’ll make it up to him.” Saga shrugs. “What can I do for you?”

“I eh…I wanted to talk to you.”
”Oh?” Saga asks curiously and friendly.
”You see…What were you doing in front of Uruha’s apartment yesterday evening?” Shou fires away, he said it fast, and squeezed his eyes closed while saying it, he is relieved he said those words now, but scared for Saga’s reaction.
His face looks perplexed. “So you did see me?” he asks softly.
”Eh, yes.”
”Then why didn’t you wave or something?” Saga says a bit indignant.
”Eh, because you didn’t either?” Shou says surprised. “But you still have to answer my question!”
”…I was just, taking a walk.” Saga says with a weird tone. “Why do you ask?”
”Just taking a walk?” Shou repeats.
”Yes.”
”A walk from two hours?”
”EH?! How do you-“
”I saw you on the pavement in front of my home Saga, I recognized your face. You knew the direction in which I went; you followed me, to see what was going on eh? And then you saw later that police car came to Uru’s apartment, and you got nervous and stayed to watch what would happen.” Shou sounds…severe and weird, as if he at the same time is hoping Saga will convince him that it isn’t true.

Saga stares at him, first he doesn’t say a word. Then he speaks:
”You,” He says with a dangerous tone. “Are crazy.”
”Wh-what?” Shou says.
”I was JUST taking a WALK! And yes you passed me, and yes I saw you in Uruha’s apartment building, and yes I know Uruha lives there. BUT I DID NOT FOLLOW YOU! I was just wondering what that police car was doing there, and then I saw you and Uruha standing in front of that window, and I realised the police came for one of you. That was all!” Saga shouts indignant. “SO DON’T THINK I AM STALKING YOU!”
”I DON’T THINK YOU ARE STALKING ME!” Shou shouts back. “I THINK YOU’RE STALKING URUHA!”
Saga’s eyes now become really big. “…WHAT?” He shouts.
Shou gasps; what did he do? What did he do? How could he be so stupid?
”I-…I” Shou stutters.
But Saga interrupts him: “SHOU, LISTEN! YOU ARE A RETARD! YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR! AND I AM NOT GOING TO STAND HERE, LISTENING TO YOU WHILE YOU’RE BLAMING ME FOR DOING THINGS I’D NEVER DO! I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE OVER ME OR NOT! BUT THIS IS JUST PATHETIC!”

Shou stares at him, his nose is white and he feels humiliated, stupid and ashamed.
”Saga, I- I was just afraid that-“
”THAT WHAT?” The blonde shouts.
”That you only contacted me because of Uruha.” Shou softly says.
”WELL I DID NOT! BUT IT IS CLEAR I MADE A MISTAKE BY CONTACTING YOU ANYWAY! SHOU, I’LL SAY THIS ONE LAST TIME: I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Saga shouts.
Shou slowly nods. “I know…” He says with a soft and sad voice.
Saga seems furious…How could he be so stupid?
”Now, please leave Shou.” Saga says, softer this time.
”But-“
”LEAVE!” Saga shouts.
And Shou leaves.

Ruki’s fists contacts his cheek again, he tastes blood and feels how the pain grows with the second.
”WHAT DID I TELL YOU?” Ruki shouts in his ear.
Reita groans from pain.
”WELL?”
”N-not to b-bring him pleasure again.”
”AND?”
”T-To stay a-away from him.”
”AND WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?” Ruki shouts while punching him again.
”I-I talked to him.”
”Indeed! And that’s not staying away is it? No…” Ruki whispers in his ear, threatening.
”You won’t ever TALK or LOOK at him again! You won’t ever SPEAK his name again!”
Reita feels his anger pumping through his veins.
How many times did Ruki do this to him? Beating him up like this…Reacting all his anger and pain on him?
How many times did Ruki rape him?
Too many times. Even if it only was once.
But he won’t do it again. Not today.

”No.” Reita says softly, but decisive.
”What did you say?” Ruki says in his ear, threatening.
”NO!” Reita shouts, and with all his strength, he pulls his arms loose from Ruki’s grip.
Ruki seems perplexed by this sudden explosion of anger.
Reita starts screaming: “YOU WON’T TOUCH ME AGAIN!”
”Really?” Ruki says slowly.
”YES! REALLY! I DIDN’T TURN YOU IN BECAUSE I HAD COMPASSION WITH YOU, BUT-“
”If you turn me in,” Ruki interrupts him, his voice is calm but evil. “I will tell your name. To everyone.”
Reita swallows.
”You don’t want that to happen right?” Ruki continues. “Reita, Akira, Mr. Suzuki. A porn-stand-in.”
”No…” Reita mumbles.
”What will the yakuza do with that material?”
”No- you can’t-“
”Oh yes Reirei. I can.” Ruki smirks. “But,” And Ruki pushes Reita against the wall again, holding his arms at his wrists, and whispers in his ear: “If you stay away from Uruha, I’ll help you.”
”H-Help me?” Reita softly mumbles.
”To escape Reita! Like you want so badly!”
”E-escape?”
”Yes! Imagine…You won’t ever have to see me again. But, in return:” Ruki says. “Stay. Away. From. Uruha.”
”…You’re lying.” Reita says.
”Am I?” Ruki grins. “You’ll never find out if you don’t do as I tell you…” And Ruki wants to turn Reita around again.
Reita is too confused and too damaged to protest with the strength he needs…Again he feels how Ruki’s revenge burns inside him.
How long does he have to go through this?

“…What was all that shouting about Saga?” Nao asks softly, as Saga sits on the couch, his arms crossed against his chest, his eyes stare at the ground, without blinking once in the 15 minutes that passed since Shou left, the expression on his face is a mix from pain and anger.
If Saga would have blinked, Nao would have seen the tears he is secretly crying.
”Saga?” Nao tries again.
No reaction.
”Saga, for days already I am noticing something’s wrong. Now this…
Is Shou the one that’s in your mind the last days?” Nao asks friendly.
Saga looks up as he hears that name. That cursed name.
”Don’t talk about him.” Saga only says.
Nao is surprised, though partial relieved his friend finally speaks again. “About who? Shou-“
”I SAID DON’T, NAO!” Saga shouts.
Nao falls silent again. Something is really wrong, Nao haven’t seen Saga like this in years.
Not since that one time when he came from some appointment with a friend, Saga was very confused and very…Frustrated.
He said everything went wrong, it was too late to clean up the mess, he said.
Nao knows that that friend, was Shou too.
But Nao doesn’t know what’s wrong between him and Saga, and Nao needs to know.
Nao wants to help his friend, client and roommate.
He may not always be that friendly, but Saga is as a brother. And Nao wants to cheer him up. It was time for Nao, to take some initiative: to pay a visit to Shou.

Shou finally put on some dry clothes when he hears someone rang the intercom.
”Hello?” Shou asks.
”Ah eh, good evening Shou. It is me, Nao. Can I please come up?”
Shou hesitates. ”Nao?” he asks surprised.
”Yes, you know. Saga’s roommate. I want to talk about something with you, I think you can help me…”
”Eh, yes, alright. Come in.” And Shou opens the door for Nao.

Nao walks up all five the stairs and is gasping when he reaches the floor Shou lives. He should do more exercise…
Shou is waiting for him in the gallery.
”Come in.” Shou says again. “Don’t mind the mess.”
Shou sounds…Painful. Like Saga did but then without the anger.
Something really happened, and Nao wants to know what it is.
’Shou definitely never visited our apartment,’ Nao thinks as he enters Shou’s living room. ‘because this, I don’t call messy, at all.’

”So.” Shou fakes a smile. “Sit down!”
Nao takes place on the soft red couch.
”Well,” Shou says softly. “What can I do for you? I didn’t expect you to pay me a visit to be honest.”
”Yeah, I know. But…I am really worried Shou.” Nao mumbles.
”Worried?” Shou says surprised.
”About Saga.”
As he hears the name, Shou seems like he has to swallow away some tears. “I-I see.” He stutters.
”You see, for days he is acting weird already, and he doesn’t want to tell me what’s going on. I think it might have something to do with you…Are you two having a fight?” Nao asks, his voice indeed sounds worried.
”Well,” Shou says sadly. “Now we have.”
”How come?” Na oaks concerned.
Shou shrugs. “I said stupid things. Very stupid things, things I should have never thought in the first place.”
Nao doesn’t ask what things, and Shou is thankful for that.

Nao sighs. “You see Shou, Saga doesn’t want to tell me what’s going on, but I know him well enough to be able to guess it.”
”Then w-what is wrong?”
”I think you are in his mind the last days, and I know Saga, when a person takes over his mind it must mean he cares about that person. I am not saying you are in love with each other! I have no idea about your sexual eh…about your preferred sex, let’s put it that way.”
Shou stares at Nao. ‘Wow, he does have guts.’
”We’re not in love.” Shou softly mumbles. “Saga prefers hating me at the moment, and he never wanted to be something else than friends.”
Nao now looks at Shou. “Well,” he slowly answers. “That I doubt.”

Shou looks up, really surprised. What is this? Why is Nao telling him that? They never were close friends, more a you’re-the-friend-of-my-friend-relation.
Nao shrugs. “If he says to you he only wants to be friends, then maybe he does. But like I said: I know him well. Maybe too well. He is confused at the moment, and I know his frustrations have a lot to do with you.”
Shou swallows. “I am sorry to cause him frustrations.”
Nao smiles. “Don’t be, I just…I just want to know what your fight was about this afternoon?”

Shou sighs. “Well, I…I blamed him for stalking someone.”
”You?”
”No. My friend. He gets stalked recently, and…I thought about how coincidental it all was, the first note my friend received was about the same time when Saga came back into my life again. I really, really, didn’t want to-…I didn’t believe myself Saga would really do that, but…For some reason, I needed to hear him say that. I needed an explanation! To hear that he didn’t contact me because of-“
”…So you did it because you were afraid Saga didn’t care about you, but about your friend?” Nao asks.
Shou slowly nods, and rests his head in his hands. “I am so stupid Nao. I really didn’t want to insult Saga, I never really believed he did it…I didn’t want to believe it. I should have known he would never do such a thing…”
Nao nods too. “Indeed, he would never do that. And he is proud, so you probably insulted him very deeply…I am afraid you really hurt him Shou.”
Shou’s shoulders shock. “I am so sorry…” He whispers, with his heads still in his hands.
”Don’t tell me, tell Saga!” Nao smiles.
”But he won’t ever want to talk to me again…”
Nao sighs. “He will.” He says then, he sounds decisive. “He cares for you, he’ll want to talk to you, how mad he may seem now.”
Shou looks up. “Really?”

Nao nods. “I am sure.”

Shou smiles a watery smile. “Thank you Nao.”
”No problem.” Nao smiles too. “You also helped me. I’ll calm down Saga.”
”Will you?” Shou asks relieved.
Nao nods. “Of course.”

Aoi lies down on his bed, only wearing some loose fitting pants. His shirtless upper-body is skinny, muscular and his skin is white, but though he’s not unattractive, Aoi’s body is in need of another one’s body.
A particular one.
But Aoi won’t ever admit that. It’s not the way he intended things to be. It’s no part of the plan.
He wanted to get rid of Him. And for getting rid of him he must get rid of his biggest concurrent.
That is his strategy.
But now…Does he want to get rid of Him? Does he really want to?
Well…Yes. As concurrent, He is too much for Aoi. He’ll win; he’ll take away Aoi’s position. And nobody will take away his position.
Ruki isn’t a thread, he is just a tool.
A tool, to get rid of Uruha.
Not of the person Uruha, but of the actor, if Uruha gets out of this world, Aoi will stay number one.
And if he does that without playing dirty towards Uruha, at least, without him knowing, there’s a chance that his newest goal can be reached too.
That man has something that holds grip on people, it’s his…Aura. The atmosphere around him. The image.
Just…Him. Uruha makes people’s mind go crazy, even Aoi’s.

Aoi, the cold-blooded actor, he arrogant man that decided to give his best and make the best of his life, he fell for the only person that can ruin it.
But still, his plan will succeed. Aoi knows it’s working, he noticed Uruha’s suspicious behaviour towards Ruki, Uruha suspects him.
Things are going the way they are supposed to be.
And Aoi, will support Uruha and help him become the Star of the movie. Cause then, he’ll leave.
He’ll be gone, for good.
’There’s nobody that can ruin my plan to break those two.’ Aoi thinks. ‘There’s nobody that can stop me from reaching my goals: Staying number one, and making Uruha mine.’

Though, there’s one thing, Aoi is forgetting. And Aoi realises there’s this detail he did not notice, but…He has no idea what it is.

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-7/?

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:45:03 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto( One-sided) , SagaxShou, ToraxHiroto , UruhaxReita, Reitax?, RukixUruha (one-sided), Aoix?
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )( 06 )

7

I came home, and all her stuff was already packed. I saw her sitting on the couch, she looked up as I entered, a watery smile on her face.
Then she sighed.
I knew she was going to leave…

”You still don’t have the money eh?” She asked softly.
I silently shook my head.
”…Are you…Leaving?” I asked.
She slowly nodded. “I…I am truly sorry. Really! But…it just can’t continue like this…I never know where you are, I hardly ever see you, and…I know you are working yourself into trouble. With the money I mean.
I know money isn’t everything…And it also isn’t only because of that! I just can’t continue like this.”
”…So where are you going to then?” I asked, it seemed so unreal, though I saw it coming.
”Back to my friend’s place, my room is still empty so I can come back…”
She sighed. “I’ve decided…You don’t have to pay me back.”
”…Why not? I can pay you back! I will pay you back!”
”No, no I don’t want you to. You need the money harder than I do. Use it. I’ll be alright, I still have some money, and I can always ask my parents…”
”Are you sure?”
”More than sure.” Then she stood up, walked over to me, and kissed my cheek. “Thank you for one of the best times of my life…But it’s just not meant this way.”
I nod. I know she is right.
”Bye.” She softly said, and I heard how the door closed behind her.

Like I said, I expected it…But still.
It hurts; I’ll be alone in this again. I won’t have her support anymore. I’ll miss her, I know I will…
But it’s better this way, I know she is right.
And my love for her was fading away anyway, and so was her love for me. We became more like…brother and sister than lovers. It’s ok this way.
I guess I’ll be alright very soon. I have bigger sorrows on my mind…

I drop myself on the couch and turn on my TV, it’s late at night. I zap through the channels, and then I see it.
I saw myself.
My own back. My own body.
Fucking another guy.
I turn the TV off as fast as I can, my eyes are wide open.
I feel sick.
Very, very sick.
And the view doesn’t leave my retina. Before I can even think about walking to the bathroom, I feel how the vomit came up.
The prove of my disgust. Of myself.

”So, you came home, and everything seemed normal?” The officer asks.
”Yes.”
”And you’ve been at his” the officer looks at Shou. “place to have dinner, like you do quite often?”
”Yes.” Uruha answers.
”Do you do that frequently? Is there a certain pattern in your visits to Shou?”
”Eh, not that I am aware of?” Uruha says insecure, and he looks at Shou.
He shakes his head. “No, not really. Just every now and then.”
”Hmm…” The officer says. “And this wasn’t the first time that something like this happened?”

”No. It happened once before.” Shou answers.
”I think Uruha is capable of answering himself, Shou, thank you.” The officer, a friend of Shou, grins.
It was only because Shou knew him Uruha agreed with calling the police. The officer is from Karyu’s age, his name is Tsukasa, and he promised to help Uruha, but not to make such a big deal out of it, that’s why he came alone.

”And you are sure that it was the same person?”
Uruha nods. “Very sure. It was the same wine and the note was very alike.”
”Can you show me both? The note and the wine, from the last time?” Tsukasa asks.
”Eh…The note I burnt.” Uruha mumbles.
”Ah…Well next time, don’t burn it ok? It’s evidence. But the wine you still have?”
”Yes, somewhere…” Uruha stands up and walks to his kitchen, seeking through some stuff, then comes back with the bottle.
Tsukasa put on some gloves and takes it over. “And nobody apart from you touched this?”
”Well and the person who gave it to me…Or maybe my house-keeper. She used to sometimes secretly drink from my alcohol.”
Tsukasa grins. “I see. Well…have you ever been stalked before?”
”Apart from Shou?” Uruha grins.
”Apart from Shou.” Tsukasa agrees.
”OI!” Shou shouts indignant.

”Well not really,” Uruha shrugs. “Not that I was aware of.”
”Is there a reason you can think of for being stalked? I mean, do you have a job that makes contact with a lot of people?”
Uruha looks uncomfortable. “Eh…well no contact, but…”
”What is your job then?”
”Eh…” Uruha mumbles.
”He’s an actor.” Shou says fast.
”An actor?” Tsukasa pulls up his eyebrows. “That explains a lot. Do those notes have anything to do with parts you’ve ever played?”
”No not really.” Uruha mumbles.
”Hm. And there’s nothing at those notes that could be a clue to who wrote them?”
”No, well…Yes. One thing.”
”Tell me.”
”The writer calls me Thunderthigh. The only ones, who do that, are the ones who work in the scene and have worked with me. First only my manager did so, but it seems the nickname leaked, but I don’t think that watchers of my movies know the name or can know it.” Uruha says slowly.
”Hm…And is there any of those people you would suspect?”
If Tsukasa found the pseudonym Thunderthigh weird, he does not make it seem like he does.
Uruha seems to hesitate, Shou stays silent.

“…No. No not really.”
”Okay! Well that was everything, make sure you’ll get a new lock on your door, further, and just call when something happens. If you think you need protection, please call too.” Tsukasa shakes hands with Uruha, and leaves.

Saga came back from his walk, he took longer then he intended to. While walking home, he passes the building Uruha lives again. This was the place where he bumped into Aoi. What was he doing here?
’Well, it’s none of my business…Maybe his girlfriend lives here, or his mother. Don’t be so paranoid Saga!’ Saga thinks.
But then he notices the police-car parked in front of the door, and he sees how an officer gets out of the building and gets into the car.
Saga looks up to the building, behind a window at the third floor; he sees how Shou and Uruha watch the officer leave.
’This,’ Saga thinks. ‘Is all very coincidental…’

Shou stares after the car, and sighs. “Everything ok?” he asks to Uruha.
Uruha silently nods. “Yeah, I am fine…Thanks for your help Shou.”
”No problem, Tsukasa is a nice guy that does not ask too much questions, he’ll handle the case. He’ll find the one who’s behind it.” Shou smiles.
Uruha nods again. “Well…I’ll go inside again. You’re coming?”
But Shou suddenly noticed the blonde man standing on the pavement. He looks up at the building, it even seems like he’s staring at the window Shou’s standing behind.
That man seems familiar. Very, familiar.
’Saga!’ Shou thinks shocked. ‘But…That is very coincidental…’

“Ah! FINALLY!” Nao says relieved as Saga opens the door of their apartment. “I was worried! You said you wouldn’t take that long, but you’ve been gone for more than two hours!”
”Nao, you’re not my mother.” Saga says annoyed.
”Eh no, but to talk about her, she called.”
”Great.” Saga groans and he lets himself drop on the couch.
”…You’re sitting in my pizza leftovers from yesterday.”
”AH FUCK!” Saga shouts, he jumps up, and he punches into a pillow.
Nao looks scared at him. “Calm down! The stings will go out with just a bit of soap…”
”That’s not it Nao!” Saga shouts.
”Then what is it?” Nao asks worried.
”NOTHING! Just- Just-” Saga sighs, and puts his hands in front of his face; he rubs his eyes and his cheekbones. “I am just tired Nao…”
”Tired?”
”Yes!”
”You? Tired? Saga, you’re a night-animal. You’re like…an owl! But then one that can even handle it during the day! You only sleep 2 hours a night and that’s more than enough for you!”
”WELL, TODAY IT’S NOT, OK?!” Saga shouts. “I am off to bed!”
”Saga, if there’s a problem you can also just tal-“
”I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! THERE’S NOTHING! HE MEANS NOTHING TO ME!”
And Saga storms away and shuts the door of his bedroom; Nao hears how he turns his key around.
’Who means nothing to you?’ Nao thinks.

“I have some shootings today Uru.”
”Oh okay, me too. Shall we go together then?” Uruha grins.
Shou stayed at his place this night, on the couch. To make sure Uruha would be alright.
Shou smiles. “People are really starting to think we’re a serious couple.”
”Let them think so.” Uruha laughs. “We both know it is not true. I have my own crush, and you have several even!”
”Several?” Shou pulls up his eyebrows.
”Yeah! Squirrel,-“
”But that doesn’t count! We’re just friends now, he has a boyfriend!”
”Saga-“
”Same for Saga! Ok, he doesn’t have a boyfriend but-“
”Tsukasa.”
”WHAT?! Oh please! Tsukasa is like, not my type at all!” Shou shouts indignant.
Uruha laughs again. “I know, I know. I was just kidding. But the first two are true Shou. Admit it.”
”I admitted it already! Though both aren’t what you can call potential boyfriends.”
”Hm, I don’t know. Maybe Saga is.”
”No.” Shou says decisive.
”Why not?” Uruha asks surprised. “That he really wanted to have contact with you again is actually very typical.”
”He’s not interested. Not in me.” Shou answers.
Uruha seems perplexed. What does Shou mean? In whom should Saga be interested?
It is clear that guy doesn’t really know what he wants from Shou, and maybe Uruha is wrong and he does only want to be friends. But still…Interested he is. They only don’t know in what way.

“So,” Aoi grins as Uruha enters the studio. “Ready for the results?”
”The way you say it make it sounds as if this is my final exam from high school.” Uruha grins.
”Well, you can call it just as important.” Aoi blinks. “So where’s our little Gnome? He may not miss this.”
”Probably looking for his own reflection in his mirror.” Uruha grins. “The mirror is quite big, so he often loses himself in it.”
”Well, ha, ha, ha.” A voice says from behind Uruha. “Really Uruha. Hilarious.”
Ruki just walked in and now faces the two taller rivals.
”Hm, well his joke is better than yours. Or are you being serious with that outfit?” Aoi grins.
Uruha laughs.
Ruki seems furious. “I believe your hairspray damaged your brains, Aoi. Not that there was much to damage.”
”Yeah, inside my head, an artic breeze blows, but that makes me at least cooler than you, Ruki.” Aoi responds, he doesn’t grin anymore.
Uruha looks from one actor till the other. They really seem like…Hating each other. Ruki is almost as mean to Aoi as he is to Uruha. Maybe even meaner.

”And did blondy have a nice night?” Ruki asks then, with a grin on his face.
Uruha looks perplexed. “Why do you ask?” he asks suspicious. What is that remark suppose to mean? What does Ruki know?
”Just to make sure there weren’t any sorrows bothering you.”
”What sorrows should bother him? He isn’t the one that needs a staircase to climb into his bed.” Aoi defends Uruha.
Ruki grumbles something, and then walks away to his manager.

”Thank you.” Uruha says to Aoi, though he sounds a bit cool. “But I can deal that dwarf on my own. You shouldn’t-“
”Ah, he just annoys the shit out of me.” Aoi shrugs. “And besides, he isn’t good enough to be your opponent. Not to be mine either. We’re just…more skilled than he is.” He adds a small smile; “Though he thinks he is better than we are.”
”Yes, his ego blows out of his head, but to say that he is a bad actor, no.” Uruha shrugs.
”Well,” Aoi smiles. “That I would not have expected. You actually fell for his tricks.”
”What do you mean?!” Uruha asks surprised.
”I mean, with his talking about how great he is, people start believing it. But if you look behind the talking and his cute face, you’ll notice that he’s not really that good. He is not bad, but not good enough to beat us. You’ll see.”
”Why are you,” Uruha asks slowly. “That evil to him and quite…kind to me? We’re rivals too.”
”Yes,” Aoi nods. “We are. But the difference is: We are on the same level. You and I. I respect you, and to be honest: I find you quite a cool person. I like you. I think we can have a nice time working together.” Aoi blinks again and smirks. “You have this…Air, that I like.”
Uruha blinks with his eyes a few times; not really knowing what to say. And he might be very wrong, or is Aoi now actually… flirting with him?
”Anyway, let’s hope for the right parts. I am sure Kai thought of something. And now, I need an espresso.” Aoi grins; he blinks one last time at Uruha, and walks away.

Shou said goodbye to Uruha when he went to his studio to hear what part he’ll play in the movie, Karyu already knew but he didn’t want to tell it. It was a surprise, he said.
That practically means Uruha has the head-part. Otherwise Karyu would never act like that.
Shou sighs; he has to do some photo-shootings today.
Recently, he was getting tired of this work. His model-career ended up in a way he did not really intend, he never intended to become a model anyway, but some impresario offered him the chance, and at that time Shou dreamt of a glamorous life.
Well, now he still is a model, but a different kind. It just went bad with business, Shou started to lose money, he quit school too early and his parents were too angry at him.
Then some photographer offered him a huge number of money for posing naked, and one thing lead to the other…
Though, if it wouldn’t have happened, Shou would have ended up broke and homeless, without friends.
Now he has money and a nice apartment. And Uruha is actually the best friend he ever had. And of course, he wouldn’t have met Saga or Hiroto if he wouldn’t have done it.
Though…not knowing Hiroto doesn’t seem that bad. And Saga…
Shou sighs. He keeps on popping up in his minds again.
’I guess…I still am in love with him. Or maybe again…’ Shou thinks. But what he saw yesterday evening across Uruha’s apartment…He can’t forget it.
It’s too coincidental! First the wine and the notes to Uruha, then Saga comes back into Shou’s life, then another note…
’Could Saga be…?
NO! No he would never… He came back for me, not for Uruha.’ Shou thinks. But though…If he really is Uruha’s stalker, he would never come to Uruha that directly. Actually, contacting Shou again would be the smartest idea…
’I would do so too if I were him.’ Shou thinks. ‘he also looked really shocked when Uruha entered my apartment, not really happy he saw him there…He was too scared Uruha would suspect something of course, you get really paranoid from doing such things as stalking someone…But would Saga really stalk Uruha?’
It hurts to imagine he would, Shou feels it inside. But it really is too coincidental.
’I will talk to Saga,’ Shou promises himself. ‘Maybe he can show me everything is okay, maybe I am seeing ghosts…’

”I want to speak you all one on one. Face to face.” Kai smiles. “I’ll motivate my decisions, I’ll tell why, and I’ll give pointers, advices! It can take a while. I want you to use the back-entrance while leaving ok? Good! Aoi, you first! Uruha, Ruki, wait outside with your crew if you brought them.”

Uruha sits down in the corridor, he looks at Ruki from the corners of his eyes.
Ruki is looking at him, with a look in his eyes Uruha can’t explain.
His behaviour is so weird, he acts so…suspicious. Like he has something in his mind Uruha may not find out.
’Could it be him? I thought it before. Just to scare me, so I’ll be out of my part? So I’ll achieve under my maximum? So he can beat me? The writer said “You still didn’t beat me” does that mean Ruki has the head-part and that’s what this all was about? Or…Does he have other motives?’
Uruha is confused, but Ruki’s behaviour, his remarks, they fit.
’my first intention was Ruki,’ Uruha thinks. ‘But is that a trustable intention? What if I am completely wrong? In fact Ruki isn’t behaving that different than usual, and he never did something like writing notes to me before…but we never had such a huge movie, and we never had to play with each other…’
Then Uruha notices Zero staring from Ruki till Uruha. There’s this…worried look in Zero’s eyes.
’Zero knows something…’ Uruha thinks as he sees that.

Then Uruha suddenly sees Him.
He sits at the end of the corridor, meters away from Ruki and Zero.
His arms crossed, his face looks grumpy, and he doesn’t look at any of the three other persons in the corridor.
Uruha wonders…Should he go to Him?
Why not? He never acted shy, and he is tired of Zero and Ruki staring at him.
Some distraction would be nice, and since there’s nobody else to talk to…It would be weirder if Uruha would start talking to Ruki than to his stand-in.
So Uruha stands up and sits down in front of Him.

I feel Ruki’s eyes burning as I see Uruha walking over to me, though…I am not scared, and a part of me wants him to come closer.
Fuck Ruki. I did not ask him to come to me, he decided himself.
It is time for Ruki to accept that you can’t force someone to love you.
And what is with this guy that’s so special and different?
What’s it…that makes him attractive? It is weird. Cause I am disgusted by his kind. All those men are the same; All of them.

He sits down in front of me, he grins, but doesn’t speak.
Weird, I did expect him to…
He looks at me through his hair that falls in his face, his eyes look teasing. As if he wants to say: “I am sitting in front of you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

”What do you want?” He asks softly to Uruha. “I am not going to turn around for you again!”
Uruha smiles. “No, no you don’t have to. I was just escaping those two.” Uruha nods with his head into the direction of Ruki and Zero, and He seems to grin, though he tries to hide it.
”Then you could also sit down somewhere else.” He says.
”Yes, I could. But that I avoid those two doesn’t mean I avoid all human-beings.” Uruha grins.
”I also never thought you avoid human-beings,” He says, his voice sounds bitter. “Otherwise you would have chosen for another job, don’t you think so?” It wasn’t a question.
Uruha pulls up his eyebrows. “I didn’t choose this.”

I don’t answer. Of course he chose it; otherwise he wouldn’t have come that far.

The door at the other side opens, Kai calls for Ruki. He and Zero leave. Now I am left alone with him, because I am not coming with Zero and Ruki. I could have, it wouldn’t have been weird, but…
A part of me wanted to stay with Uruha.

”So,” Uruha talks on a normal volume now. “You really seem to be disgusted by us eh?”
”Yes.” He answers.
”Why?”
”I think you don’t have self-respect for doing this. For being proud of this.”
”You think so? But isn’t it better to be proud of what you’re doing than being ashamed of it? I find that more self-respectful than running away from what you are.”
”But in fact, you are all whores. With the difference that Whores don’t chose for their jobs most of the time, with whores, I have compassion. But you guys choose for being paid to get laid every day again and again, and that even makes it sound more beautiful than it is!” He says decisive.
”Hm, well I can’t say you’re wrong for saying we don’t differ much from whores. But I disagree with you when you say we all chose for this.” Uruha says.
”Of course you chose for it! Otherwise you wouldn’t come this far in this scene!”
Uruha just shakes his head. “Then how did you get in? In fact, you made the choice too. You agreed with it. I know your face and name won’t be showed, but you are fucking people for money too. But you are ashamed of it.”

I am perplexed, I open and shut my mouth, but I can’t think of the right words.
He smiles. “See? You know I have a point.”
”NO!” I shout. “That was different! I had no choice! I needed it, otherwise I would have died!” the words were out before I noticed. “I need the money!”
He looks at me, a bit compassionate, probably cause of that “otherwise I would have died” but about that he doesn’t ask.
”You needed the money. There you’ve said the crucial sentence.” He sighs.
”What do you mean?” I ask.

Uruha smiles sadly. “Well, of course you are right, there are those who volunteered to become like this. To sell their body for amusement for others.”
”The way you say it makes it sound acceptable.” He grumbles.
”But,” Uruha continues. “There are those like you. Who just needed the money, who couldn’t say no. There are more of those, believe me.”
”…And,” He slowly asks. “To what group do you belong?”

Again Uruha sighs. “I belong to the second group. When I finished my school I got addicted to gambling, and made a huge death to my old friends. I was desperate to find money; I would do anything to find money. I was losing everything I had, my family, my friends, and my home.
Then, when I was near a breakdown in a café, a man came to me. Since I was really drunk, the things he said seemed okay.
He said he never saw a man as beautiful as I was, he said he would make me famous.
I have dreamt of being an actor since I was very little, and I thought this guy would help me.
In some way, he did. But not the kind of movies I intended.
That man wanted money so he could promote me and pay for that, I needed to give him a lot of money.
He lied. He put half of the money in his own pocket, but he did bring me into the lowest classes of the movie-world.
That’s how I ended up here, cause the man left with my last bit of money, while I only played one part, which did bring up some money but he got 80% of it, with that he left, the other 20% was just enough to pay my death, but now I didn’t have a manager anymore and nobody offered me parts, apart from some posing, naked. I saw what it would bring up, and…I did it in my despair. With those shootings, Karyu found me.
He listened to my story, and offered me a contract, I didn’t really want to, but Karyu is trustable, and he said that it was too late for me to head back.
And he was right.”

I listened to his story, and my mouth almost fell open. That I did not expect…It was comparable with mine…
”B-But…How come you couldn’t go back?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Because I did several shootings, my name was known already, since I seemed to be good. I got into the next “level” without noticing. As soon as that happens, the door outside falls close. Plus; I didn’t have any buffers left. My family didn’t want to talk to me, my friends also didn’t. I was alone and broke. The door just closed.”
”…But I heard rumours you’ll get out of this soon?” I softly ask.
He smiles.
”Yes. Maybe I will. You see, there are two options for escaping this. Only two.
One: you get out before it’s too late. And it is too late very fast.
Two: You get that important or famous, that you build up possibilities outside this scene. That’s why most try to climb up.
Though, those who become successful, most of the time drown in their success, and think “well, it’s okay this way, I’ve done this for such a long time now, and I can live with it.” Those stay in the scene. Also cause that second option is very difficult to reach.”

I swallow. He told me stuff…that gives another view to this world. I am still disgusted from it…But not all of these men are as horrible as I thought.
”…So…There’s no other option for getting out?”
Uruha slowly shakes his head. “Though…Well, maybe but that’s most of the time what goes wrong in the beginning.
If you keep contact with your old life, you know, your old friends, your family…Then maybe you can get out. Though you’re most of the time contracted too, so you can’t just quite eh?”
I swallow. What I was afraid for, he just confirmed: It is also too late for me. Because my old friends hate me now, I only owe them money and they’re all angry at me.
My family, well I owe them money too, my sister already broke with me, my parents are never happy to see me…I also hardly ever do.
My girlfriend just left…
There’s nobody out there that could help me.

Uruha seems to guess my thoughts, or at least, he notices I am worried.
”…I wish I could help you.” He says friendly to me.
”Well, there’s nothing you can do.”
”I know. But I wish I could…What did you actually do to end up here?”

I shake my head.
”You don’t want to tell me?”
”Sorry, no…” I try to smile.
”Doesn’t matter.” He answers, he still sounds so friendly. “I can imagine. I don’t get why I told you my story either, but I am happy I did.”
I look up. “Why?”
”Because it seems it changed your view on me.” He smiles.
He is right. He is so right.
I already knew he was special, but now I know he just is different from all those others. I know now what makes him different. At least, partial.
Because he still has that something…That makes me want to know him better. To…Be with him.
I trust this guy for some reason.
I like him.
And I don’t know why. Because liking him, is a very dangerous thing for me to do. Because even being closer to him than 5 meters, makes Ruki furious.
But I do understand what makes Ruki feel attracted to this man.
He has something.
Not that I’ll ever fall in love with him. No Way.

Then the door opens again, and Kai’s head sneaks through the opening, he looks around, searching Uruha.
”Ah! Uru-kun, you’re coming?”

He stands up and smiles at me for the last time today. “It was a nice talk though.”
I nod slowly.
”But I wonder…What is your name?”

And before I know what I am doing…The word left my lips:
”Reita.”

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-6/?

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 09:37:45 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto( One-sided) , Sagax?, ToraxHiroto , Uruhax?, RukixUruha (one-sided), Aoix?
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )

6

”Hello?” Shou’s voice sounds through the intercom.
”It’s me!”
”Ah, ok, I’ll open the door…”
And with a lot of noise, the door of the flat opens. Shou’s apartment is at the 5^th floor, it was a long time since he’d been at Shou’s.

”Heya!”
”Eh, Hey.” Shou answers. He sounds a bit…surprised and uncomfortable. “What can I do for you?”
”Ah didn’t you expect me? I thought you recognized my voice.”
”Eh no, I thought you were someone else…” Shou adds a watery smile.
”Ah well, I just remembered our little talk. I truly think we should hang out more Shou.”
”I see…Ah, hang on; someone else is calling the intercom.”

”Hello?” Shou’s voice sounds through the intercom.
”It’s me!” Uruha shouts cheerful.
”…I’ll eh, I’ll let you in.”
Again the noisy door opens, and Uruha this time, walks up all five the stairs to Shou’s apartment. They really should build an elevator here.

Uruha knows the door is open, his door always is open…And if it isn't, Uruha has a key.
”Yo Shou! Here I am!” Uruha shouts cheerful as he opens the door, and walks inside, he doesn’t look up as he walks into the living room. “Missed me darling?” He grins.
After this sentence he looks up and expects to face Shou, instead…Someone else is standing in front of him.

”Ah, eh Uru-kun,” Shou mumbles from behind the man. “I eh got a visitor…”
”Yeah,” Uruha grins. “I notice…Nice to see you again!”
”Same.” The visitor smiles.
”And eh, what brings you here, Saga?” Uruha smiles.

”I wanted to ask if Shou fancied a dinner, but I guess he already had plans with you.” Saga answers, with his cool voice, but though with a smile.

”Ah, well eh…I guess I could come back later and-“ Uruha starts, but then he notices Shou standing behind Saga, soundless shaking his head, with a panicked expression on his face, waving with his hands, trying to make Uruha clear that he doesn’t want to go out with Saga.
”-But eh…Now thinking about it, I am full for the rest of the week, and I do have something to discuss with our little Shou, so guess it is a bit of a bad timing indeed.” Uruha smiles to Saga.
”I see…” Saga says slowly, looking at Shou from the corners of his eyes, but Shou immediately stopped waving, and now looks innocent to the other side of the room. “Well guess I could better leave then.”
”I am sorry Saga…” Shou says. “Maybe another time?”
”Ah well, I don’t know. My agenda is pretty full as well.” Saga says.
That sentence made Shou look caught, and Saga notices the ashamed look on his face.
”But I’ll call if I find a hole in it.” Saga says friendly then, and smiles at Shou.
”Yeah,” Shou says softly.
”Well, bye then Shou, Uruha.” Saga says, as he walks to the front door and opens it. “Oh and Shou-“

“Yes?” Shou asks, still a bit uncomfortable.
”You didn’t change. At all.” And Saga closes the door behind him.

“Oh my.” Shou mumbles and he lets himself drop on his couch.
”Well, well.” Uruha grins.
”Stop grinning Uruha.” Shou says.
”Why? I find it very amusing.”
”It isn’t. It fucking isn’t. But thanks for your help though.”
”No problem…But why didn’t you want to go out with him? We hang out so often, it’s no problem for me.”
”I do not care about that! I don’t want to go out with him!” Shou shouts.
”Why not Shou? What happened between the two of you?”
”NOTHING!”
”Liar.” Uruha says decisive. “You know you’re lying Shou. If it really was nothing, you should have told me. Always when I asked, you changed subjects, but I know something is bothering you, and just seeing that scene, makes me conclude HE is involved.”

Shou groans. “I just don’t want to…make the same mistake again.”
”Which was?” Uruha asks softly. He walks over to Shou and sits down next to him on the couch.
Shou sighs, and looks up at Uruha. “Are you sure you want to know? It is pretty stupid…”
That made Uruha laugh out loud. “Oh my Shou, how could THAT be a problem? I mean, look at my problems! My problems are the most stupid ones ever! But you always listen to them…Always.”
”…Okay maybe it’s not that stupid.” Shou grins.
”Then tell me Shou-kun.” Uruha smiles.

“About two years ago, I met him. I just met him somewhere…And I liked him. I liked him a lot. He was sexy, he was funny, and cool. He just made my head go crazy, if you get what I mean. I had a fucking huge crush on that guy.”
”…And?” Uruha asks.
”And then we went out, just once. We went out for dinner.”
”And?”
”And I thought…I thought he liked me. So, I kissed him.”
”And?”
”And he didn’t kiss me back. He pushed me away and was like “eh? What the hell are you doing?””
”…Oh…” Uruha softly says.
”I was perplexed, and he said we were only friends! Nothing more than friends. So no kissing. He left after that. He left and never came back.
I didn’t even know he was…what we are. That I found out when we watched that DVD from Ruki at Karyu’s place.”
”Autch…” Uruha softly says.
”I finally got over him…And then met Hiroto. And…Well, I made the same mistake with Hiroto. I keep on making the same mistake...”

“What mistake Shou? I didn’t hear you tell me something you did wrong.” Uruha says.
”The mistake of thinking guys like me while we’re only friends! I did it with Saga, and I did it with Hiroto too! And before them I did it as well…”

”But how come he came back now?” Uruha softly asks. “Saga, I mean.”

“…During your promo. Well, I couldn’t get in; the door was still closed when I arrived at the studio. So I waited, and then I bumped into Hiroto and his boyfriend.” Shou pauses to take a breath; Uruha sees that this is very difficult for him.
”And…Well I kind of fled for them, I walked away to avoid a longer conversation…And then I slumped against a wall. But-“
”Then Saga found you?” Uruha says, while he puts a hand on Shou’s shoulder.
Shou nods. “And he was very surprised to see me there, so was I to see him. We talked, at least, he talked to me. And then he said he would call…To hang out again.”
”And he did. Even worse, he visited you.” Uruha sighs. “But…What is the problem Shou? Do you still like him? Is that why you don’t want to hang out with him?”
”N-no. Well, maybe…But-“ Shou sighs. “I was, again, afraid he liked me, while he actually doesn’t… And he noticed. That is what he means with “You didn’t change at all.”” Shou sighs. “He probably won’t call anymore…”

Uruha sighs too. Poor Shou…The guy doesn’t deserve this; he really deserves to find a nice boyfriend. Or girlfriend, In Shou’s case it doesn’t really matter… But he always ends up broken hearted.
Uruha finds it unfair…Shou is such a good guy, a loyal friend, a good listener, he is handsome as well… Shou won’t let you down, whatever happens.
”…If he doesn’t call you back.” Uruha suddenly says decisive. “He is the most retarded bastard ever. So is Hiroto! For not realizing how good you are!”
Shou looks surprised at Uruha.
”I mean it!” Uruha continues. “You deserve the best lover in the world! You deserve to get settled! And the Squirrel doesn’t deserve you! And I don’t know if Saga does, but if he truly doesn’t see how great you are, he doesn’t deserve you either! Also not to be your friend!”

”…Thank you…” Shou softly says.
”Anytime.” Uruha smiles. “And now…What’s for dinner?”

He walks up several stairs till he finds the door he was looking for. He grins, and gets his key out of his pocket. Staring at the key made him grin again.
He opens the door, and walks inside, softly closing the door behind him.
He walks straight into the bedroom, just like the last time he used this house.
He glares around one last time to make sure he is alone, and then puts down the bottle of wine.
He puts some roses around it, and looks at the result.
In the end, he puts the letter against the bottle; it is exact the same wine as the time before.

He still grins as he closes the door behind him again.
If this won’t work, he doesn’t know anymore.

Aoi carefully puts his key back into his pocket, Uruha is such a fool for leaving it in the door once, Aoi took his chance, and made a copy of it.
He smiles widely, and leaves the flat.
Foolish, foolish Uruha. He fell in his trap with eyes wide open.
Aoi knows Uruha is suspecting Ruki from it, Aoi knows Uruha is noticing Ruki’s weird behaviour. Aoi knows, Uruha is suspecting something.
And as soon as Uruha has enough reasons, he’ll ask if Ruki can be replaced, then he wouldn’t want to work with Ruki anymore. And that is Aoi’s goal.
To keep Ruki away from Uruha, and the other way around.
Divide and prevail.
And Aoi shall prevail, as he always did.
Kai didn’t fall for Aoi’s trap, he chose Uruha anyway. Aoi hoped he would have picked Ruki, it was easier to reach his goal if Ruki played the head-part, Aoi could make their minds go crazy, Aoi could make it seem the way he wants it.
But Kai didn’t fall for it, so Aoi has to do it the old-fashioned way. He has to continue his “jokes” with the wine, to reach both his goals.

”Shou? It’s me again…”
”Again? Wow, calm down Uru, before we know it, people will think we’re a serious couple!” Shou laughs.
”Yeah…I know.” Uruha’s voice sounds a bit weird.
”What’s it Uru? Did you forget something at my place? Did my pasta poison you?”
”No…Shou, it happened again…”
”Eh?” but Shou suddenly sounds way more serious, he is noticing something is wrong.
”…He did it again Shou.”
“Who? Who did what?” Shou says confused.
”I came home…and everything seemed really normal, but then I walked into my bedroom and- and-…”
”…Another bottle of wine?”
”Yes. And again a letter.”
”What does it say?”
”I don’t dare to open it Shou. This is scaring the hell out of me. Do you know what this means Shou? He has my KEY!”
”…Fuck. Do you want me to come over?”
”I would like you to.”
”Did you call the police Uru?”
”…Should I call them?”
”It won’t be a stupid thing to do, if it is truly scaring you.”
”…Maybe I will. But first, come Shou!” Uruha sounds a bit desperate.

”Saga!” Nao smiles. “There you are, you’re back fast…Well that’s probably what fast-food is meant for.” The shorter manager laughs.
”I didn’t eat fast-food.”
”Oh, well then you had the smallest meal ever…” Nao says surprised.
”I didn’t eat at all.” Saga sighs, and he drops his coat and sits down on the couch, the room is messy, and the tables are full of old pizza boxes and other boxes from take-away meals. Clothes that should have been in the laundry are spread over the floors and the furniture, old papers are stacked in the corner, old coffee cups on the cabinet. Saga isn’t home that often, so why should he clean? The only one that comes here is Nao, which makes sense, cause he lives in this apartment too.
Friends and workmates, that’s what they are. They live the lives of college-people, with messy apartments, long nights and lots of one-night-stands, alcohol and sometimes even drugs. But instead of college, Saga works.
He isn’t proud of what he is, but he was too lazy to learn a job, and somehow…he suddenly came into this. But Saga doesn’t really have ambitions to get further involved in the scene than he is now, and Nao, as his manager, respects his choice.
Their lives are okay.

”You didn’t eat? I thought you were going to eat outdoors today…I didn’t cook for you.” With “cooking”, Nao means: “I didn’t get something from the Thai for you.”
”Doesn’t matter, I am not hungry.” Saga says grumpy. ”I am off…I think I am going to take a walk or something.”
”…Saga, what’s wrong?” Nao asks.
”NOTHING!”
”Yeah, and our apartment is clean and huge.” He says sarcastic.
Saga groans. “Nao, please…Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”
”Well, you- you- you’re a bad liar!” Nao says indignant.
”…Bye Nao.” And Saga wants to close the door.

”SAGA!” Nao shouts, while opening the door after Saga closed it. “Come back!”
”Why?” Saga says calm.
”Cause- cause-…Something’s wrong and I want to know why! I don’t care you don’t want to talk to me or-“
”I didn’t say that Nao-chan, you can come with me if you want to.”
“I can’t, I am having this cold eh?” Nao says softly.
”Well…I’ll be back soon…” Saga shrugs, and walks further, out of the building.

He kicks an empty can away from the pavement, and walks further into the dark streets of the city.
He sighs as he looks up at the familiar apartment-building across the street. Deep inside, Saga wants to talk to Shou again, but that would be too early. Shou would think Saga’s after him, again. While Saga isn’t. He just wants to…
What does he exactly want?
What does it matter what Shou thinks?
Saga groans, and shakes his head. Then puts his hands in his pockets and silently walks further, his gaze concentrated on the pavement.
But just a few steps further, Saga turns his head around to look at Shou’s apartment again, he doesn’t know why himself. Some kind of feeling, intuition probably.

Shou comes out of his apartment, walks down the gallery and the stairs, until he comes out of the building, he seems to be in a hurry.
Saga stares at him, until Shou runs into his direction. If Shou sees him, he’ll think Saga is stalking him or something…
So Saga turns his head away as Shou passes him.

In his hurry, Shou didn’t really pay attention to the pedestrian on the pavement, but for a small second he thought it was-
’NO, stop it Shou. You’re AGAIN making the SAME mistake! Now go to Uruha, and help him.’

Saga sighs; a part of him wanted Shou to recognize him. But why Saga wanted that, he doesn’t know…It just doesn’t make sense.
Not really minding his feet, Saga walks further into the silent streets, this part of the neighbourhood really is silent at night…
Then suddenly Saga’s thoughts are interrupted as he bumps into another man.
”Auch! Mind where you’re going!” The man says.
”Sorry…” Saga mumbles.
”Oi, aren’t you…Saga?”
Saga looks up, and sees the man with dark hair, and a lip ring. “Ah…It’s you.” Is everything Saga says.
”Hmmm…Well, coincidental to find you here. Don’t you live at the other side of the-“
”Yes I do.” Saga interrupts his sentence, a bit rude. He doesn’t really like this guy, Saga finds him arrogant, and there’s something about Aoi, he doesn’t completely trust.
”So, what are you doing here?” Aoi asks with a huge grin.
”Same question for you. You live three neighbourhoods away if I remember correctly.” Saga says cold.
”Yeah well…Just…some business.” Aoi grins. While he said that, Aoi’s hand slowly moved to his pocket, where he seems to grab something, what made him grin wider.
Saga looks at that with pulled up eyebrows; does he actually want to know what Aoi’s up to? “Well,” Aoi says then. “It was a…pleasure, to meet you Saga.”
”The pleasure was all mine, Aoi.” Saga mumbles.
Aoi wants to walk away, as Saga suddenly says: “Doesn’t…Uruha live there?”
”Eh?” Aoi says surprised. “Eh…Who?”
”…Never mind.” Saga mumbles slowly and thoughtful. “Bye Aoi…”

”Surprise, here I am again, guess I couldn’t stand it to only attend you to our bond once.

And, did you find out who I am and what I’ve done or am doing?
My revenge is still continuing, it won’t stop till I reached my goal.

That goal, is aimed highly, it is a beautiful goal.
I won’t give up, ever.

You still didn’t beat me.

One step closer to the solution of the riddle!

Nothing is what it seems.

P.S: Same wine, since I want to convince you of its quality.
P.P.S: Nice legs.
P.P.P.S: I’ll see you very soon, I’ll watch you a lot, and I’ll think about you even more. Remember, that I am close to you.

See you very, very soon, Thunderthigh.”

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:43:40 GMT

ehm okaaay ^^;;
well since someone requested it, I am going to post some poems of mine...
I would like to know what you guys think of them ^^;;; (I fidn them horrible..but I always want to know what others think...)

Note: I have always been bad with titles...don't mind them please ^^;;;

Silence of Truth:

The silence fills my ears with sound

Cause unspoken words stay in the air

Your lips move, but sound does not escape

The silence fills the room with noise

Meaningless words flying around,

But non of them reach my ears

I can not hear the sound of voices

And though I understand what you say

Behind the words are hidden thoughts

Thoughts you won’t ever speak

Will I dare to ask you what you’re thinking?

Behind the words are silent thoughts

When you say yes, you can mean no

When you say please, you wish it won’t happen

When you say hello, you mean goodbye

Why can’t you speak your mind?

Lying is a common thing,

And it is the silence that betrays you

Cause for lying, you need words

Lies are words that are always spoken

Truth stays silent most of the time,

Real emotions are never spoken

Maybe cause the right words don’t exist?

Truth won’t make sound, most of the time.

I wait for the words that will tell truth

I wait for you, to be honest

Then, I finally will hear your voice

Then, sound of truth will reach my ears.

Nightflower

Hear the sound of the golden voice

Feel the warmth of the pouring rain

It wets your skin, embrace the element

Or you won’t see the stars tonight, my love

My friend, why did you let it come this far?
Seeing the darkness, I know I can’t help you anymore

Be strong, love, like a flower.
Open up to sunlight, and smile at the moon.
Just to show that you can breath

Maybe it was me that caused your pain

Feeling the pain of guilt, won’t help us now

Allow me to reach my hand, hoping for you to take it

Accept the help of the Moon, when the Sun left you

I’ll try to make all stars shine for you tonight

As long as you promise to watch them with me

Be strong, love, like a flower
Feel your roots deep in the earth, but let the dead petals go

Dead memories don’t have use for us now

I ask you to try, not to give up

Not for myself, it is you I care about now

Let the Moon embrace you, like the Sun couldn’t

Though you needed it so bad
Let the Moon show your beauty to the world

Instead of the Sun burning your petals

Who says a mirror can’t be warm?
I’ll show you all stars in heaven
After all, that is what I wanted most
Nightflower, do you trust me?

Then be strong, love, like a flower

Petals and Blossoms

The lights are reflected by the stars

The moon shines and looks at you

Walking hand in hand with the vision

Of the happy love-couple
It wasn’t meant to be the way you dreamt

Petals of roses, and blossoms of trees

The wind brings them closer with every breath

The scenery is precious, my love

Let it not be destroyed by the broken hearted

Enjoy your stay in heaven

The reflected light is showed in the water

While the moon and sun play their games

Hide and Seek, the one will never catch the other

A step too late, it sees the other leaving,

While knowing, you won’t be alone

Comforting me with the idea love does exist

I’ll find myself staring at the stars

The moon shines, and looks at me
While walking hand in hand with the vision

Of the broken hearted one

It wasn’t meant the way I dreamt

Though the scenery is precious my love,

If you want to, return from your stay in heaven

Take away the breath of the wind

To make it blow into the other direction
Bringing petals of roses and blossoms of trees

The reflecting water shows me light

The moon and sun still play their games

Hide and Seek, Lost and Found,

The one came back for the other,

Knowing, that I won’t be alone, anymore.

Fallen Dream

Surrounded by the dust of time

I lie beneath the stars

Feeling blood pumping through my veins

Let’s not hope for a miracle

What I wanted to reach, was the limit of the sky

But it seemed my ideas were only dreams

Crashed, as the first light of the sun reached my eye

Let’s not hope for another nightmare

My wings were too short to take such a burden

My flight was short but not useless

Pain of the fall, still hurts my soul

Maybe one day I’ll take the risk, listening to my dreams again

Words of the fantasy, will lead me to you

And I’ll spread my wings

Fly away, into the night-sky

Stars tell me riddles,

The moon sings me songs,

I levitate between earth and sun

Let’s not hope for a wake-up

Let’s pray for a soft landing

And I will beg to reach my goal

Riddles of the stars,

Melodies of the moon,

Bring me to my wildest dreams

Back to the places where you were mine

The impossible dream, is only a dream,
but dreamt by the dreamer, who seems to be me

Escape from Heaven:

Standing on a hill with a wide view,

The ground underneath me shows me life
The sky above me shows me space,

I would love to shoot the clouds down.

Shoot into the sky and wonder if it will strike back,

Will thunder hit me and kill me?

Or will it accept that it is hurt?

Will it cry the tears of its rain upon me,

showing me how painful it is to bleed?

Will it hunt me with storms and thunder?

Or will it ignore me, cause it didn’t hurt at all?

Something so big, does it feel the pain of one bullet?

Can I murder heaven if I want to?

Can I hide for the moon, that will take revenge?

Can I hide for the sun, that will burn me alive?

Shall the stars curse me, cause I took away their mother?
Or won’t they care at all,

cause it did not make a difference?

Will the stars fall down as the sky will disappear?

What will keep us away from escaping?

Could I just fly away, as I always wanted to?

Is the sky the border, I want to cross?

What will the sky do,

What will it say,

What will be its reaction?

Will it laugh,
Will it cry,
Will it scream?

Or won’t it care at all,

cause it did not make a difference?

it aren't all of them, but quite a few...I am sorry if they suck ^^;;

sayonara bitches! ^--^v

Brothers of the Sword- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ miyavi-8/?

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 17:30:56 GMT

Title: Brothers of the Sword
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, some dramatic stuff and some manxman things ^^ english is not my mother-tongue..this chapter not beta-read.
pairings: ToraxUruha, MiyavixSaga, Sagax? (mentioned), AoixHiroto, NaoxShou, UruhaxReita, RukixKai, Kaix? (beware of some one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: FSK 16
genre: Dark Ages, manxman, eh...other stuff.
Summary:
Ruki (Takanori) is a shield-bearer of a young lord, who has some special ideas about freedom. The story happens around the dark-ages, but when I tell something in it that is, according to history, not correct, I'm sorry.

Note: I am truly sorry for taking such a long time AGAIN! And I hope the chapter won't disappoint you. m(_ _)m
P.S: had no time to let it beta-read ><; sorry for that too.

( 01 ) ( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )( 05 )( 06 )( 07 )

“You know I can’t tell you when exactly…”
”Yes I do...”
”And my visions don’t come when I call them eh?”
”That I know too.”

“…Wait for the most unexpected moment, Aoi.”

“Wh-what?”
”Wait for that moment…And you’ll see that you will find love again.”
Aoi stared at him for seconds, no, for minutes…
He just…cooperated, he helped…Aoi did not really expect him to… But he did.
”…Do- Do you know who-?”
”Yes and no.” Saga says softly.

“What do you mean?” Aoi’s voice is small, he sounds excited though scared. Why he is scared, he doesn’t know either.
”I mean…I only know...That it is someone you have already met before; there was just no chance of loving earlier. Dig into your memories Aoi, and maybe you’ll find someone you once loved…
And that one will be the person you’re waiting for.”
Saga stands up, and wants to walk away, but he glances at Aoi, and sees how the man is staring in front of him, with disbelief in his eyes…but also a spark of hope.
Saga puts his hand on the mans shoulder for only one second.
Then removes his hand as fast as he could… And leaves.

Aoi throws a rock in the water. It is really early in the morning…But he had to put things clear in his head.
His conversation with Saga turned out better than he could ever hope.
But now the waiting has come, he has to wait…
Wait for love… That’s quite a horrible punishment.
But he’ll wait and be patient. He knows he can be.
But Saga’s words made him think think about everything.

What memory does he have about a person he could have loved?
He couldn’t think of such a memory…
Only Them. But They have died…
He never knew other loves, he never loved someone despite her and their little boy.
…Who? Who can it be?
Who will be waiting for him? For so long already?
And when will that unexpected moment be? Any moment will be unexpected…

Aoi stops and starts staring over the water… This lake in the middle of the woods, it is so peaceful. So calm.
Emotionless, like Saga.
But it gives life and hope to many creatures…
Isn’t that what Saga did as well?
And water also takes the hope of other creatures…
Water, dangerous and helpful, strong and supple, inspiring and mysterious, but most of all: Powerful and Weak at the same time.
Saga is water.
Aoi grins. Saga just helped him; it is his turn to help Saga.
He’ll bring Water and Fire back together.
Cause Miyavi has waited too long for him, had fled too long for the water that could extinguish his flames…
And the water is afraid of touching the fire, scared of getting damped by the heat.
Opposites…That is what they are.
But they can’t live without each other. Aoi is sure.
But who is Aoi’s opposite? Who is Aoi’s element?
Who is it that he is missing?

He just remembers one person. One. A boy.
A young boy, a little boy.
Cheerful, he was playing in front of Aoi’s old house, as Aoi came home he always saw him.
When Aoi went working, he noticed the boy followed him.
And once, he saw the boy fall.

The boy fell on the road, and just a short distance away from him, a horse-rider was riding in full speed, straight into the direction of the boy, the man on the horse probably did not see him.
Aoi ran, he ran to the screaming boy, and grabbed him from the street. Putting him on the side of the road, just in time.
The eyes of the boy were huge from shock.
”Is everything alright?” Aoi asked

The boy didn’t seem to be able to speak.
It was a boy...probably around 12 years old, he had a young face. His hair was brown, his face was dirty.
His body was covered with bruises, scratches and small wounds, from playing outside. His face was burnt by the sun. He was probably from a poor family.

But the boy was looking at Aoi…No he was staring at him, with eyes filled with several emotions: With a small fear, with grace, with hope and…Something Aoi couldn’t place.
A child was looking at him, as if he wanted Aoi to…Hold him.
”Th-thank you sir.” The boy said.
Aoi smiled, happy the boy seemed okay.
”No problem at all, dear boy. I am very glad you seem o be fine.”
”Y-yes sir…I am fine.”
”Great!” Aoi smiled. “Now promise me, be more careful when you walk on a busy street like this one eh?”
”Y-yes Sir. I will.”
”Good!”

“Thank you so much sir…”
Aoi smiled, and petted the boy’s head. “Don’t thank me…Everyone would have done the same. Just be more careful, little friend.”
”Friend, sir?” The boy asked hesitating.
”Yes. Friend.” Aoi smiled. “When people help each other, and find each other kind, you call them friend. Of course, you do have to find the other trustable.”
”And…you find me trustable sir?”
”Of course! I believe you’ll keep your promise, and I trust you to be as honest as you seem.” Aoi said.
The boy smiled, he smiled widely and happily.
”There you go.” Aoi grinned. “And now, tell me, what is your name?”
”My n-name?” the boy said shy.

“Yes! As friends, we should know each other’s names. Mine is Aoi.” Aoi smiled, and he shook the boy’s small hand, though Aoi suddenly had the feeling this boy was older than he thought in the first place, but still a child though.
”…Hiroto.” The boy softly said.

That boy, Aoi saw him many times even after the “accident” on the street. Hiroto…Aoi always saw Hiroto walking behind him and hiding as he noticed Aoi saw him.
Always following Aoi when he was outdoors.
But he never dare to come closer, he never dare to say hello, even after their meeting.
Always when Aoi caught him spying on him, he smiled at Hiroto. “Heya there friend!” is what he always said, with a cheerful voice.
That boy…Was special to Aoi, even though they hardly knew each other.

For months Aoi noticed Hiroto following him, everywhere.
And maybe he even did before Aoi started noticing, he at least already did it before their meeting.
Hiroto…Aoi never saw him after what happened to his wife…
But, how can he think about this boy in this context? That is just disgusting!
It was a child, back then!
And the last time Aoi saw him was years ago!
And Hiroto can’t be the one Aoi is waiting for…It is just impossible.

…He’ll probably be a man by now. Hiroto will be around…18 years old, probably engaged, or at least in the army.
Yes, he’ll probably be fighting in the war.

Aoi throws one last rock in the water. How come this boy came back into his mind again? That Aoi felt a special feeling for him years ago doesn’t mean he loved him! Hiroto just made him smile, and Aoi liked to see him following him…
That was all.
And like Hiroto would ever…It is just all too unlikely, and even a bit scary to imagine, that memories of a child make Aoi feel like this now, that he is seriously considering that boy of being his- It is just weird, impossible and disgusting.
And Aoi will probably never see Hiroto again.
As he realized years ago…
And the boy will probably not even remember him…Why should he?

”YOU! Come!” a voice shouts to Shou.
Shou looks up and stands up.
He gets lead out of his cellar, guarded by some strong man, who leads him up some stairs, through some corridors, Shou knows he won’t find a way out in time, so escaping won’t be an option.
”Inside.” The muscular guard grumbles, and he pushes Shou inside a big, comfortable room, with big windows that give a good view to the estate and the forest.
An expensive desk stands in the middle, and a young man is sitting behind it.
It is a handsome man, a young man, but he seems to be the one with the most status here;
”Ah, thank you. You can leave now. Wait for me to call you for orders.” The man behind the desk says.
The guard nods and leaves, closes the door behind him.

”Well, Shou. Welcome!” The man grins.
”…You know my name while I don’t know yours?” Shou says impolite.
”I know much Shou, let’s make that clear right now. I know who you are and why you are here. My question is: What do you want from us?”
”To release me in the first place.”
”I more meant: What are your reasons for revenge? On whom should we take revenge?”
”…Are you the head?” Shou asks suspicious.
”I think I am yes, I do not see anyone else sitting in this chair.”

“The guard did not call you at your title, isn’t that impolite?” Shou says rude.

“Just as impolite as you, you mean?”
”Ah.”
”Just tell me what you want, Singer. And I’ll consider what we’ll do for you.” The man grins again.
”...I want to request.”
”I know.”
”I…I want you to help me with my revenge on a bunch of betrayers. A bunch of thieves!”
”Hmm. And what did those thieves steal?”
”One of them stole my most valuable possession!” Shou shouts, only remembering this makes him feel furious. “HE SHOULD BE MURDERED! He is NOT TO TRUST!”
”What did they steal?” The head repeats.
”… A Sea-pearl.”

“…One sea-pearl?”
”Not just ONE! But the most beautiful and valuable one! It was a treasure! Me and my companion found it, we discovered it, and we asked help to some people we thought that were our friends! BUT THEY STOLE IT FROM US!
Our chance to finally get rich was crashed! GONE! And then I was doomed to be a singer!” Shou shouts. “They betrayed the Sea!”
”…They…Betrayed the Sea?”
”Yes! That sea-pearl belonged to the sea! And they stole it!”
”…But if you found it, you would have sold it as well-“
”NO! NO WAY! YOU DON’T GET IT! This sea-pearl had to be brought back to the sea! It belonged to it! I even know WHERE to put it back! The Sea would thank us so much, it would open its gates to the real treasure!” Shou shouts.
”And they stole it from you and sold it?”
”YES!”

“…Does that sentence;”They betrayed the sea”, does that…mean one of those thieves was THE Betrayer of the Sea? The famous bounty hunter?”
”Yes. Uke Yutaka.” Shou says bitter. “He made up the plan to steal it. He sold it. That’s how he got his nickname.”
”You mean this story is well-known?”
”By some people. But the name leaked, I don’t know how.”
”And you want us to take revenge on Uke Yutaka?”
”YES! But not only on him!”
”Who else?”
”His companion at that time! And I now suspect them to have some kind of…clan. Because I saw that companion with two others, and they were scum as well!”
”But for that you don’t have prove.” The head says decisive. “But who is that companion? Clan or no clan.”
”His name.” Shou says. “Is Saga.”
The dark-haired man in front of Shou looks weird.
Then he stands up, he is tall. Really tall.
He walks around the room and then stops and looks at Shou.
”Are you sure?”
”Yes. OF course I am!”

“…So Saga…Works with Uke Yutaka?”
”He used to at least!” Shou grumbles. “NOW? Did the head made his decision? Will you help me?”
Tora scratches the back of his head.
”First “he says softly. “I want you to tell me something.”
”Eh?!” Shou says surprised.
”I heard that you know something about a runaway lord.”
”…Yes.”
”What did that lord look like?”

“What?!”

“JUST TELL ME!”

“I-I don’t know.” Shou mumbles surprised. “He is said to be regular length…He seems to be handsome, and he is said to have a very strong black horse, very young. And a magnificent sword, as light as a feather but strong like a giant…”

Tora feels how the blood in his face fades. He knew it…He was sure that Leprous had something to hide…For weeks he was trying to find out what it was…
So he is the runaway lord…

”So?” Shou asks. “Will you help me?”
”One last question: What was the name of that lord?”
”…Lord Suzuki Akira.”

“Thank you. That was all the information I needed.” Tora grins.
”Now will you help me?” Shou asks, he is getting impatient.
”…You want me to catch Uke Yutaka and Saga, to bring back the money you owe and to free you?”
”…Yes?”
”That’s too much. I can only help you with your freedom, and I can bring you to Saga. But I can’t help you with the money and Uke Yutaka.”
”WHAT!? BUT-“
”I suggest you could better leave now.” Tora grins.

“NO! HOLD IT! You said you would help me! They said the head would help me!” Shou shouts, he feels desperate, he feels betrayed, again.
Tora grins. “And eh, who said I am the head?”
”WHAT?!”
”Thank you for giving me all the information I wanted to know, and if I were you, I should listen to me now; I know you feel betrayed now, but I don’t care, you see: The real head of this organisation wasn’t planning on talking with you, sine he knew about your revenge. I don’t know why, but he said he didn’t want to talk to you.
I thought you could give us precious information, and yes, so I pretended to be him, so you would give me that information. You just helped me a lot, and I am thankful for that.
So I owe you something, and I’ll help you with the two things I just mentioned.” Tora says, interrupting Shou every time he wants to open his mouth.
”I will help you get out of here, and I’ll give you some information about Saga.”

“BUT THAT’S NOT ENOUGH! WHAT ABOUT MY-“
”I know! LISTEN to me ok?” Tora says annoyed. “I am a captain here, and my position is in danger for doing this. But I think that we can help each other…
I want to take revenge on someone too, so I understand how you feel. I’ll try to help you as much as I can, but at the moment letting you go and giving you information about Saga, is all I can do. If we keep contact: I could help you more, in repay: You have to help me…Is this a deal?”

Shou stares at the man in front of him, in his confusion, saying yes seems the best option…Saying yes is the best option anyway, Shou realizes.
This man is the only one around here that offers him help, and escaping would be fantastic…
”…Okay. We have a pact.” Shou agrees

“Great! Now my friend, I’ll get you out of here…” Tora smiles.

Kai walks through the forest, heading for the spot he met him a few days ago. He promised to meet him there again…Why?
Why did he promise that even before he thought of what use that man could be?
Because he is useful, he is very useful. As Kai came back from their meeting, he thought about it for a long while; what was a man like him doing here, in this dangerous woods?
He didn’t seem to have knowledge of nature, only some skills in fighting…
But after more than an hour of thinking Kai concluded, he had to be a part of that clan, living here in this forest. And after even thinking about that longer, he thought of a theory;

Where should two young travellers go to?
Travellers without knowledge of surviving in the wild…
They would go to someone to help them. A place where they could find protection and a home, where they could be around people…
This organization was perfect for that. How come Kai couldn’t think of that earlier?
The chance was big they would be here…
Though, does that lord know about the existence of this clan?
Well, he could find it in many ways…
The most obvious one is: Someone would lead them there…But who would? But that doesn’t really matter…What does matter: Ruki is obviously a member of that clan…
And he already promised Kai to help him.
Kai grins in himself…Gullible people like him, Kai loves them. Very easy to manipulate…
Ruki will lead Kai to his prey…

Kai is near the spot they should meet, and he notices the other is already there.
Ruki is staring at the silent water, while a small wind caresses his face, while the haze of the morning surrounds him…It is slightly glittery with the first shining of the sun.
With his eyes closed, Ruki smiles dreamy to the upcoming sun, then he opens his eyes, and his smile only becomes bigger.
He spreads his arms like he embraces the wind…

Kai stares at the man in front of him…Not realizing the sun is coming to stand higher and higher at the sky…
Not realizing time anymore.
He even forgot about his plans with the man in front of him.
Until, both men wake up from their dreams, and Ruki turns around, finally facing Kai.

It didn’t make his smile fade…It didn’t stop his eyes from shining, it didn’t make him…
Less beautiful.
The opposite.

-----------------------------------------------------

Note: heya! I am so, so sorry for not updating this for such a long time... I hope you guys forgive me, and that it was worth the waiting! m(_ _)m
HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED! ^--^v

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-5/?

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 14:56:08 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto( One-sided) , Sagax?, ToraxHiroto , Uruhax?, RukixUruha (one-sided), Aoix?
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )( 04 )

“…So…” Uruha says softly.
”…So…” The guy behind him gasps.

“OKAY! Brilliant! Just Brilliant! Thank you Uruha, Ruki. And you,” Kai says then to the guy that was just standing up from the bed, putting on a boxer.
”Excellent job. I can definitely use you if you a-“
”I am not interested.” The guy says he doesn’t look up from the ground; he rubs his nose, and seems ashamed and suddenly a bit shy.

Uruha stares at him.
What just happened to him, Uruha can’t explain. How come that man has such an effect on him?
He is just a stand-in…
Just a normal guy.
So why, why does Uruha feel so…attracted to him?
It is the ass… It must be the ass. It was the first thing Uruha noticed at him, it MUST be the ass. Or maybe he’s just a good actor… There just has to be a reason why.
Because he is Uruha, he doesn’t fall in love.
He doesn’t fancy boys anymore!
Nor girls, but faster though, since he doesn’t have to work with them.
He has ambitions! He will work for his future, so he doesn’t have TIME for these things.
So why should an ordinary stand-in, change his thoughts?
He also won’t.
’Act normal Uruha, you just saw the guy for the first time…You only bumped into him, you only worked with him. You can’t feel attracted to him, you just can’t. You don’t know him! You don’t even know his name!
And…he is Ruki’s stand-in!’
Because now Uruha knows where he knew his ass from…He saw it on Karyu’s TV-screen…in close-up.

“Well, well.” A voice says close to Uruha, and he looks up from his thoughts. Aoi stands next to him, grinning, handing him a towel to cover his naked body.
”Thank you.” Uruha mumbles.
”No, thank you.” Aoi grins. “That was an excellent show.”
Uruha looks at him with pulled up eyebrows.
”I am serious!” Aoi says. “Really, it was a lust for the eye. You two should do more acting together.”
“No…Thanks, I’ll pass on that one.” Uruha grins.
”…Your decision.” But Aoi seems a small bit…relieved. “But now I understand what everyone told me about you.”
”Which were good things, I hope?” Uruha says.
Aoi grins. “Who knows?” Then he walks away and says: “See you soon, Thunderthigh.”

”…What did you call me?!” Uruha shouts after him.
”…Thunderthigh?” Aoi shrugs, while smiling innocent.
”How do you- Who told you-“Uruha stutters.
”What?” Aoi still smiles. “It is a well known thing that your nickname is Thunderthigh…”
”No it isn’t!” Uruha says a bit indignant.
”It is.”

“It isn’t. Only Karyu calls me that.” Uruha says, he feels a bit like a fool, but-…the note. The person who wrote it called him Thunderthigh as well…What if- Could it be…? Aoi didn’t write it…Did he?
”Well, I am sorry to disappoint you…But it really is a well-known fact.” Aoi smiles. “Your thighs are just famous, so the nickname probably leaked or something…But anyhow: I heard it via, via, and now I understand why you have the nickname-“ Aoi glances at Uruha’s legs. “So I am going to call you at your nickname from now on.”
That last sentence wasn’t a question or the kind of request put into a decisive form. He just means: He wants to call Uruha at his nickname, so he will. No matter what Uruha himself will think about it.
’Arrogant ass…’ Uruha thinks, though he has to admit: there is something about him, that is…special.

”And eh, not that it is my business,”Aoi says then, while walking away. “But where is that schoolboy you brought with you earlier?”
“…oh shit, Shou!” Uruha says shocked, he completely forgot about him…Where is he? Not here…
Aoi grins for the last time, and then leaves.

“Shou!” Uruha says relieved as he finds his friend, sitting with his back against a wall of an empty corridor, it took Uruha several hours to find him.
”…Oh, hey Uru-kun…” Shou says, his voice sounds absent and a bit toneless.
”…Shou?” Uruha asks worried. “Everything okay?”
Shou doesn’t answer and just stares in front of him, not blinking with his eyes, it also seems like he doesn’t dare to face Uruha.

“Shou, I really have to talk to you…Something weird has happened.” Uruha says, as he sits down next to Shou, who, as always, hides his worries, Shou will tell him what’s wrong sooner or later…Asking about it won’t help.
”Oh…Really?” Shou says.
”Yes, I…Well I think you saw a part of it…Did you see him? Did you see who he was? Did you recognize him?”
”Eh?” Shou asks perplexed. “…You mean Aoi?”
”No! No the guy that replaced Ruki during the promo. The guy that suddenly came out of nowhere and-“
”Uruha,” Shou interrupts him. “I am sorry, but I did not see a single thing of the promo…”
”Eh?” Uruha says, a bit indignant. “Why not?”
”…Just tell me about what happened to you Uruha, my story will come later.”
Uruha shrugs. “Whatever you wish Shou.”

“He…I think he was Ruki’s stand-in. I got fucked…By Ruki’s stand-in. And- And…” Uruha stutters.
”And you liked it?” Shou asks.
”More than liking…Shou, ever had it that, even without really knowing the person, just not knowing him at all, you feel attracted to him or her?”
”…Yes.”
”Well I never had that. That is why I am so good at my job Shou. I won’t ever fall in love or feel attracted to one of my colleague’s…”
”Why not?” Shou asks wondered.
”Shou, think about it. For how long have we been friends already?”

“More than 3 years.”
”Did you ever catch me fancying someone? Or falling in love?”
”…No. I- I never heard you talking about your love-life…”
”Cause there is none Shou. I have never fallen in love, not really. Of course, I had girlfriends, even a boyfriend. Of course I date. But I never, ever, fall in love. At least, very rarely.”
”So..?” Shou doesn’t really get it.
”So? SO? So how can a fucking, unimportant, normal STAND-IN make me feel like…like-“

“Like you want to shout from the rooftops? Like you want to be around him every time? Like you want him to say your name and know you?” Shou says toneless.

“…Yes. Actually, I do feel like that”

“Then you have fallen in love Uruha.” Shou says decisive.
”But Shou…I don’t even know the guy. I don’t even know his name…”
”So what? Like that matters. Sometimes a glance or touch is enough.”
”Oh yeah. He definitely touched me…” Uruha mumbles.

A silence enters; un till Shou suddenly sighs and smiles.
”And does it feel nice Uruha?” he asks.
”…Can’t say. The feeling itself does…But, he’ll probably…Find me disgusting, I probably scared him off in the corridor this morning. As we bumped into him, remember?”
”WHAT?! WAS THAT- ? IS HE-? Oh my…” Shou says shocked.
Uruha nods.
”…May I be honest Uruha?”
”Of course Shou-kun.”
”I expected it.”
”EH?!”
”I already thought you fancied that guy.”
”…Bu-But-”
Shou grins. “Just accept it Uru. From the two of us, I am the Broken-Hearted Love Expert.”
”I guess so.” Uruha smiles.
“Shou?” he asks then, after a short silence.
“Yes?”
”You’re cool.”
”…Thank you.” Shou blushes and smiles.
Uruha pinches him in the cheeks.
”Stop that Uru.”
”Can’t help it.” Uruha grins.

”Well Uke-san. You called me?” Karyu smiles friendly.
”Indeed, indeed Karyu-san. You see, I want to talk about Uruha with you.”
”Uruha?” Karyu asks.
”Hmmhmm. You see, he is one of the best actors I have ever seen; he takes less and makes it really something. I have worked with him many times, and as a director, favouritism shouldn’t be a part of my character, but I have to admit I find Uruha special. He is too talented for this genre Karyu.”

“Too talented?”
”Yes, his acting skills are well enough for Hollywood. He can make it Karyu, and everyone knows he can.”
Karyu grins widely.
”But-“Kai continues. “Since everyone knows, Uruha doesn’t have to prove himself anymore.”
”Wh-what?” Karyu’s grin fades, he was sure Uruha was going to get the part.
”You see, by only focus on Uruha, the chance is big he’ll get discovered outside of the scene, that he can do what he always wanted, being a “real” actor. But that chance already is big Karyu-san. Uruha doesn’t need this part to prove his talents.”

“But it will help him, Yutaka.”
”Yes it will. But as a director, I should also think about the other options. If I pick Ruki, more attention will go to him, for once. He won’t get more wanted than Uruha, he won’t get more famous…But it will be a bigger help for Ruki than for Uruha.”
“So…It is him you chose?”
”If I did, why should I have called you and not Zero?” Kai grins. “Wait un till I am finished talking Karyu-san. I know I talk a lot, but I do have something interesting to say.”

“Then go ahead, Yutaka.” Karyu smiles again. Kai just told him, Uruha does get the part. He is in. Uruha made it, he did it again.
Karyu feels proud for his client and friend, after years of working together, Karyu really knows Uruha… And Uruha’s biggest wish always was to be an actor.
And not an actor in this scene. Karyu has always understood, he didn’t pick for this scene as well, but back then, he needed the money.

Uruha had the same, and as soon as you start to become famous in this scene, as soon as you start to make money, there is no way back.
It is addicting, this work. You can hate and love your job at the same time, but you need it, because as soon as you are deeply involved, it is a tough way outside of this “world”. Karyu wants Uruha to follow his way out, to get what he deserves and wanted. He knows deeply inside, Uruha doesn’t want, and never wanted, to be a porn-star. And though he made it this far, which deserves respect, and help. Even if Uruha will get another manager when he leaves the scene.

Kai continues: “Uruha…Well he amazed me, and everyone, at the promo. It was the best work of acting I have ever experienced. He just…Well he just did it. Ruki was impressed, Aoi seemed perplexed and I am sure you know what I am talking about, because you were watching from the sideline.”
Karyu grins.
”Uruha proved he is the only one that deserves and can play this part. He is the only actor I know, that can combine story and lust so well. That is why I like his work so much Karyu. That is why he deserves my help. My movies contain more than just pure sex, my movies have a story, and Uruha is the only actor that can make those stories come out as good as I want them to.
So, congratulations! You and your client must be happy…” Kai smiles widely.
Karyu smiles as well. “Thank you so much Kai!”
”Don’t thank me Karyu,” Kai smiles.
”And what about the others?” Karyu asks curious.
”Ah, well Aoi will play the customer; Ruki will play the jealous whore.”
”I see.” Karyu grins. “And Kai…What about…That stand-in? I think I can use him to be honest, do you think I can offer him a contract?”

Kai shakes his head. “I am afraid not Karyu. First: he is contracted by Zero, to do all Ruki’s eh…ass-work. And well…He doesn’t want to become more than only a stand-in.”
”How do you know?” Karyu asks disappointed, he really saw talent in that guy.
”I asked, I actually wanted him to play Ruki’s part, but he rejected. He wasn’t interested, he said.”
”How strange…” Karyu mumbles.

I sigh, another day, another day of damn work. Why, why did I have to end up in this damn scene? Why, why, why?
…Cause I need the money. That’s why.
I am broke, I am broke and I have to pay several men back.
But I refuse to get more deeply involved in this scene! I WON’T get trapped by it! Only for the money, as soon as my deaths are paid, I’ll get out of here. And nobody will remember me, or recognize my face. Nobody will ever know I did this.
I am disgusted from myself for doing this; I am disgusted from all these men who do this. And the women are just as bad.
I find it repulsive, I find it gross. How can men truly want to become this?
Don’t those men have self-respect?
And he…He is the worst one.
He is doing this, to get attention from a guy he pretends to hate. He does this, so he’ll prove he is worth the other slut. Isn’t that sad?

And today, I have met the one he is after…
I have met him, and I had to fuck him, because that is my job. I have to fuck every man Ruki has to fuck, because he is not sure of his own ass.
Give me a break.
But it seems that my ass does work, well…As long as I get paid.
I am nothing but a whore…But at least nobody knows my name.
Apart from Ruki and that manager-man. Well…It is in my contract that I’ll stay anonym.
But that guy I had to fuck today…
He…He is different. What was it that suddenly made me enjoy what I was doing? HOW could I POSSIBLY enjoy something I am that disgusted of?
But he made me do my best…He made me…Turn crazy.
And now he is in my head.
That guy is in my head, driving me crazy, obsessing me with the question: “What made him different?”, cause I really don’t know.
And Ruki is truly pissed at me now, and that isn’t a good thing, at all…
No…It is a very bad thing.
Cause here, Ruki is king.
And Ruki can make it very difficult for me to ever get out of here…
Ruki, from all men I have met in this scene, I hate him the most. For what he is doing to me…
From the first second I met him, he hated me. Probably even before that, just the idea I had to replace something from him, something that wasn’t “perfect” enough.
And I heard that the cause of that insecure feeling, is that guy I met today. The Idiot is what I call him from now on.
I guess that is what makes Ruki hate me, and do these things to me.

”Didn’t I tell you…Not to touch him?” Ruki’s threatening voice says in my ear.
”Well, that is pretty difficult, seeing in what circumstances I’ve met him…”
”SHUT UP!” Ruki shouts, and he slaps me on the back of my head, he grabs my hair and pulls my head to the right side.
I am facing the wall of the showers; he is holding my hands on my back.
I struggle, but for a small man, he is fucking strong, I can tell.
”NEVER, NEVER DARE TO GIVE HIM PLEASURE AGAIN!”

“Isn’t that what I am supposed to do Ruki?” I groan.
”SHUT UP!” Again, I feel his hand against the back of my head. “Don’t be so arrogant! I am the one in charge here!”
”You mean that you are the rapist and I am the victim?” I shout, my anger has grown till its maximum, I hate him, I REALLY hate him.
”Exactly.”
”What if I turn you in?”

“You can’t. If you turn me in, I’ll tell your name to your family, I’ll tell your friends what you do to pay them back. I’ll hand the material to the yakuza.”

“…” I am silenced, I feel how tears start to burn.
”Now don’t cry wimp. You want to feel pleasure? You want to examine lust? Then handle this!”

I groan from pain as I feel how he does it again. And though, despite from all the hate I feel for this little man, I know I also have compassion with him.
He won’t ever get out of here anymore.
And his most desired dream, will get out of here, if I can trust the rumours I heard…
Ruki just lost. He is the loser, that s already for sure.
And the game isn’t even played yet…
But as long as Ruki loses…I can’t get my freedom back.

”NEVER!” Ruki shouts and I even can feel his anger inside me.” EVER, AGAIN! NEVER”
I keep on groaning from pain, while I hear Ruki gasping.
”TOUCH!”
When does this stop? I wonder…
”MY”

I feel one last tear fall from my cheek; I feel how Ruki is finally near to his point of release.
”PRECIOUS!”

I feel how his seed get into me, and it burns inside me. It hurts…This hurts more than every other thing I have ever done in my miserable life…
”URUHA!” Ruki shouts through his tears.

It is over. For now…

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-4/?

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 12:38:15 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto , ToraxHiroto , ?xUruha
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )( 03 )

“…what the hell? Aren’t you afraid to go now then?” Shou asks a bit worried.
“I don’t know.” Uruha shrugs. “AWRGH! If I’ll catch that little Dwarf I swear I’ll…I’ll…KILL him!”
”What do you mean Uru-chan?” Shou asks, still worried.
”What do you think Shou? OF COURSE he did this. I am sure it was him. Who else would say “You’ll never beat me” in a note to me?”
“You have more than only one rival…” Shou shrugs. “And to be very honest Uruha, that note doesn’t sound like Ruki at all…He would never make that joke about the wine, in more sounds like someone who …does have sense of humour.”

They are walking through the studios, to the place Uruha has to be for his feared promo. The time has come, and he can’t escape it anymore.
Shou came with him, “for the mental support” he said. And he just wants to see it, plus, for him this is a great opportunity to see his more experienced colleague work, and to meet the famous Kai.
”I won’t call it sense of humour, Shou. And I did not touch that wine at all.”
”Did you throw it away?” Shou asks curious.
”Eh…no. It was very expensive wine…I hid it somewhere in my kitchen, and I’ll see what to do with it.”
”….Skinflint.” Shou grins.
“Shut up.” Uruha mumbles. “And by the way Shou, I still want to know about you and Sa-Auch!”

Uruha didn’t watch where he was putting his feet, and bumped straight into a young man that was coming out of another room.
“Oi!” he mumbled, while rubbing his nose. “Watch where you’re going!”
”Pardon me.” Uruha says, his voice suddenly sounds a bit different again, now he looked up and sees the body of the young man in front of him. “I didn’t watch where I was walking.”
”Ah…eh…It doesn’t matter I guess.” The other mumbles uncomfortable, as he noticed that Uruha is looking at every detail of his body.
”Eh…Can I help you?” The guy asks with a bit weird voice.
”...hmmm….” Uruha mumbles. “Will you turn around for me, will you?”
”Wh-What?” The guy says confused.
“Just turn around for me!” Uruha smiles.
Completely surprised, the guy turns around.
”…Right.” Uruha grins.

“What?” The guy asks again, this time he sounds annoyed and confused at the same time.
”Ah well, it’s just…I have the feeling I know you.” Uruha smiles. “Did I ever fuck you once? Your ass seems so familiar…”

The eyes of the guy couldn’t become bigger. He just stands there opening and closing his mouth, while Uruha is still standing in front of him, smiling.
”I eh…NO WAY!” The guy says then, a bit indignant. “I never met you before in my life!”
”Bummer, but could’ve guessed it now thinking about it. If I did fuck you, I would have remembered an ass and body like that, I’m sure.” Uruha grins.

The guy looks like he just saw an elephant do the can-can.
“…Is he always like this?” He asks to Shou.
Shou grins. “Almost, yes. Though he can be very intelligent if he wants to.”
”… I doubt it.” the guy says. “And I am truly out of here.”
“Hope to meet you again!” Uruha grins.
The guy doesn’t answer.

“I think you just gave him a heart-attack.” Shou grins. “Why did you need to say such things?”

“Because I wanted to. And I really know his ass from something…For a second I truly thought I fucked him. But as I said, that I would have remembered… So where do I know him from?” Uruha wonders.

“You must stop with ALWAYS speaking your mind Uruha. Some people may take all your thoughts serious, and other thoughts, we just don’t want to know.” Shou grins.
”Maybe. But I consider all my thoughts as intellectual and interesting, not to say funny and incredibly sexy.” Uruha smiles.

”And I even doubt if you can spell the word intellectual!” A mugging voice says.
And of course, it is Ruki. Though he wasn’t the one speaking.
Next to him, the short, dark-haired manager stands. Huge sunglasses make him look like an insect even more, his hair is partial gelled back, but since it’s long, it also falls amongst his head.
Ruki is dressed in probably very expensive designer’s pants, black, with golden buttons, the pants looks as tight as a maillot. His white blouse has short sleeves, all buttons are open, a big golden necklace around his neck. His white sunglasses put on his head.

“The Dynamic Duo!” Another and third voice says then. “At last, I have chance to meet some of the two most spoken men in the scene. Less impressive in person though, guess rumours mustn’t always be taken that serious.”
A black-haired man, with a pale skin and a handsome face, a lip-ring in his lower lip, is standing behind Ruki and Zero, he is grinning.
Next to him stands another man, same length as he is, also dark haired and handsome, but this one looks a bit sinister. But the way he is holding his cell-phone in one hand, ready to answer any call, shows he isn’t an actor.

”This corridor is suddenly very busy.” The grinning lip-ring guy says friendly. “I would like you to move.” He asks to Zero and Ruki.
But before those can answer, impressed by the charisma the man has, the dark-haired notices Uruha. And both, Uruha and Shou recognized him.

”Ah,” The dark-haired smiles. “I was already expecting you.”
”My FAN!” Uruha grins. “Lovely to meet you again.”
”…Well, well, not free of humour I see.” The other smiles above Ruki’s head. “I would laugh if my space would allow it, but I am afraid my longs can’t find the space they need.”

That was a hint towards Ruki, and finally he moves.
”Thank you.” The dark-haired grins. “And I swear, your ass doesn’t really has the urge to be replaced, but I would find some nice platforms if I were you. My sister can borrow you some if you want?”
Ruki seems speechless, wasn’t one Uruha already enough?

Uruha stares at the guy, the Number One. Yes of course he recognized him now, he…Is Aoi.

Aoi, the most successful one, the most desired.
Uruha’s biggest rival.
And he was here, doing HIS job with making fun of Ruki! How does he dare!

“Oi, you are stealing my jokes!” Uruha says indignant.
”Eh?” Aoi grins. “Did you claim all remarks on this one’s height?”

“I DON’T ALLOW ANY OF YOU TO MAKE MY CLIENT FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT HIS LOOKS!” Zero shouts, as the mother who sees her child being bullied at school.

”Your client could try making me feel uncomfortable about my looks if he wants to.” Aoi grins. “But I do not hear him complaining. Maybe he likes the special attention of two bigger rivals, both with asses in perfect state, and legs-“Aoi lifts up his hand till his hips. “Up till here.”
”That’s enough Aoi.” The other dark-haired one, with the cell-phone, says. “Let’s not upset any of your colleague’s.”
“Aw but I just want to have some fun Hizumi…” Aoi says with a childish voice.
”You heard me.” Hizumi says, and then his cell-phone rings, he answered the thing so quick, it hardly made sound.

Uruha grins. That Hizumi guy, definitely an image-keeper. Those without actual lives, the ones with the cell-phones and the agenda, an agent. Hizumi definitely is one. An outsider of what really was going on, but he is the planner, and partial Aoi’s fame can be blamed on him.
Uruha’s agent, he never saw. So it was quite special Hizumi was here…

”Aoi, photo-shoot at the 17^th, 3:40 pm.” Hizumi says.
”Ahuh“ Aoi sighs annoyed, while glancing at Uruha, seeing him look, and Aoi sends him an eye-blink, after that he grins.

“What are we waiting for here?” Ruki says annoyed. “I want to get done with this damn promo before my hair grows grey.”

“Are you that old, already then?” Uruha grins. “Though the minion’s got a point. What are we waiting for?”

“I just want to go to my dresser-room.” Aoi grins.

“So do I.” Uruha answers. “Come Shou; let us take the initiative of leaving this cosy tea-party. I have some work to do…”

“Enjoy.” Aoi grins. “Shall we?” He asks to Hizumi then.
The man nods. The guys leave…

All three actors left the corridor, into the direction of their dresser-rooms, to prepare for what’s coming.
But what is that Aoi-guy doing here? Uruha wonders. There is no reason for him to be here.

Maybe he has some other business, another movie going on in this building…Not unlikely.

“So…That was an interesting get–together.” Shou grins, as they enter Uruha’s gigantic dresser-room.
It isn’t a surprise that a man is already sitting there.

”Uruha! FINALLY! What took you so long?” Karyu says upset.
”Eh, some distraction.” Uruha mumbles.
”I don’t want you to be distracted! NOT TODAY! Not now! Understand? Just FOCUS Uruha! FOCUS!” Karyu says. He seems to be more nervous than Uruha is. “And Shou! What are you doing here?”

“Eh…Mental Support?” Shou shrugs, adding an innocent smile.
”Move it Shou, go wait in the studio, nothing personal, but now Uruha has to concentrate.” Karyu says severe.

“Ah…okay…” Shou says, and he leaves.
What a submissive guy he actually is…But Uruha cares about him. They are more than just colleagues.

”Okay Uruha.” Karyu continues. He stands up in his full length and faces his client. Suddenly Uruha feels a lot like Ruki…
His manager really is a giant…

”I want you, to forget everything about other things than your goal and your job. I want you to FOCUS! To CONCENTRATE! I want you, to give everything you have…
If Kai says be passionate, show him your passion.
If Kai says be romantic and sensitive, show him you can be that!
With other words: Be the ultimate lover Uruha. As you have been so many times before.
We know Kai doesn’t want the senseless fuck-o-rama, Kai wants to see love, and he wants to see why people do those things with each other.
He wants to see your pleasure, not only to be there for the pleasure of the watcher, but also see your own. You know that.
You’ve done it so many times before; Kai loves your work, which you know too.
But today, it is more important to show all your talents…Today, you have to be worth your title, today…
Today you can become a real star!” Karyu is holding Uruha’s shoulders with two hands.

His eyes are piercing through Uruha’s; telling him to do what he just told him.

Uruha smiles and nods.
”I will.” Is all Uruha says.

“Fantastic!” Karyu grins. “Now let’s get your make-up done.”

“So,” Aoi smiles at Kai.
”So...” Kai says a bit grumpy. “What is it you want?”

“Not much actually.”

“Hmmm.” Kai says annoyed. “Just tell me. What is it you want?”

“I am serious! Not much. I only, really want to defend my title Kai.”

“I know, so do all of your colleagues.”

“Do they have titles?”
”Yes. They have.”

“I don’t think they have. I am the only one with a real status. Only the number One reached something. I don’t want to give my title away. And definitely not to a minion.”

“That minion is one of the best actors in the scene.”

“He isn’t natural. He uses-“

“I know! I AM THE DIRECTOR FOR GOD’S SAKE!”

“Relax Kai-kun.”

“Stop talking like you have so much status and power Aoi.”

“I am not. I just want you to make the right choice.”

“The right choice?”

“Yes.”

“And what is my right choice? Picking you?”

“No, cause you’ll pick me for one of the three parts anyway. I don’t care which one it is.
What I want you to do, is making the right choice between those other two.”

“I think I am the one that should judge, Aoi.”

“You also should, you also have to. But I, as an old friend of yours, may share my opinion with you right? I told you I want you to make the right choice, and that I want to defend my title, but I still don’t care what part I’ll get.”

“Then I don’t get your logic.”

“There is none.”

“Knowing you Aoi, there is. And I am wondering if I actually want to know.”

“Then don’t ask Kai. Just pick the right one.”

“And who is that supposed to be?” Kai asks, his friend is annoying him, but he feels a slightly bit intimidated, he knows Aoi is up to something.

“Pick the minion.”

“WHAT?!?”

“Didn’t you hear me? Pick Ruki. Make him play the head-part.”

“…I don’t know. And still! IT IS NOT UP TO YOU AOI!”

“I know, it is just an advice Kai. Friends may give advices.”

“…Is this a threat Aoi?”

“Why should I threaten you?”

“No idea, but I don’t feel comfortable.”

“Can be. But there’s no reason for.”

“I never feel uncomfortable when there is no reason for.”

“Well, everyone has that sometimes. But just keep in mind what I told you Kai.”

“Why should Ruki be a better choice than Uruha?”
”…He…has more interest in the scene, and he has more feeling for competition.”

“You are talking Rubbish Aoi. And I don’t want to listen to this anymore. I am not corrupt, even not tending to be, not even when you’re the one trying to-“

“I AM NOT TRYING TO DO THAT! I am giving you ADVICES! And why should Uruha be a better choice than Ruki?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I am organising this promo. But I am still the director Aoi. I think I don’t need your advice. And now please leave and wait for the others in the studio.”

Aoi wants to leave, but stops and turns around one last time.
”Ruki would make a better actor for this part. He gets less attention than Uruha; he deserves that attention as well, maybe even more…”

“Just leave Aoi.”

Shou is waiting outside of the studio, since the doors were still locked. As he hears voices.

Shou turns around, and feels how his heart freezes.
’Shit…’ he thinks, and he turns his face away, but too late.

“Shou-kun!” Hiroto smiles.
”Ah…Hiroto! Hey!” Shou adds a watery smile. “And eh…Tora was it eh?”

The taller one grins. “yup.”

“What are you doing here Shou?” Hiroto grins.
”Eh, I am here for Uruha.”

“Ah.” Hiroto’s smile fades a bit.
”And you?”

“Oh just some shootings. Tora is here to accompany me.”

“I see,” Shou smiles. ”eh well…”

“Well…?” Hiroto smiles.

“…Bye!” Shou suddenly says really fast, and he hurries to get away from Hiroto and his boyfriend.

As Shou drops himself against a wall, he feels some tears burning. ‘Oh please…Don’t cry you idiot. It’s not like this happened for the first time. And it won’t be the last.
STOP CRYING!
There are so many other persons in the world…At least one of those WILL love me! Boy or Girl, there will be one…
I’ll find that person…
So don’t cry for just one stupid NOT IMPORTANT’ “…SQUIRREL!”

That last word, Shou shouted out loud.

“Squirrel?” A voice asks.

Shou looks up, and again he feels how his heart freezes, but it is not Hiroto he is facing.

Saga looks down at him.
”Oh god…It is you.” He says softly to Shou.

“Okay! Well, I just want you to feel completely natural, you both know the procedure.
Now let me introduce you to the third actor in my movie, if you paid attention in our discussion about my script, you should have noticed that there are three big parts.
The whore, the customer, the jealous friend. To say it very short.
Well the head-part is the whore, but the other two are definitely no small parts, so whatever part you’ll get, losing is not an option.” Kai smiles.

Uruha feels nervous, even despite Karyu’s pep talks, he feels nervous. Of course there is a way of losing. And he definitely doesn’t want to lose.
And that third actor…Uruha is curious, but he has a presumption. And if that presumption is right, then he’ll have such a hard job on this audition. Cause that is what it in fact is.

”Now let’s come to business, here is the third actor. I think you all know him though.” Kai smiles.

Behind him, a dark-haired man with a lip-ring stands up. Smiling he walks to Ruki and Uruha.

“Hey again.” Aoi says.
Both other actors only nod.

“Now…Uruha, Ruki. Come and start.” Kai smiles.

Uruha had to top first, the promo was played in a studio dressed like a mysterious bedroom, but quite normal. Nothing special, that also makes sense, it is just a promo, those are meant to have easy sceneries.

”I want you to do it slow ok? First make-out a bit, and then start with the sex, further…just do whatever you want actually, but in this shooting, Uruha tops. Later you’ll switch. Okay?”

Again both actors nod.

Uruha pushes Ruki on the bed.
”Now shut up.” He says severe. Ruki seems a bit surprised, and that surprised behaviour isn’t played, Uruha came with this out of a sudden.

“For months I have waited to tell you what I always wanted to tell you.” Uruha says, still with that severe tone.
He pushed Ruki so far on the bed that he is already laying down; Uruha sits on top of him, and bows his head towards Ruki’s.
”But now I finally have the chance of talking, I think…Deeds say more than words.”
And Uruha pushes his lips on Ruki’s mouth; it seems a straight, rough and strong kiss.
While he does this, Uruha feels how Ruki still is surprised.
But Ruki seems to get over that surprise pretty fast, and pushes Uruha away from him.
”But you are the one that always plays with me.” Ruki says, acting that his voice sounds both upset and horny; he is a bit gasping from the kiss.

But Uruha pushes him down again, and bows over Ruki with his entire body, his arms stretched, his hand slaying next to Ruki’s head.

His hair falling amongst his face, Uruha sees how Ruki looks at him, his expression is well-acted, very intense but with slight fear.

“Life is a game…” Uruha says then.
And again Uruha pushes his lips on Ruki’s, but this time it seems more as a sensitive kiss.

The making out starts, and since Uruha leads, everything goes in his tempo.

As soon as they both are naked, and the sheets of the bed are nowhere to find, their sex-scene starts.

Uruha knows, that even for his habit, he just did a fantastic work of acting. And if he continues like this, he still has chance to get the part.

“Well Ruki…” He softly whispers in Ruki’s ear, but still in a way it is clear to hear for Kai and the cameras. “Ready to play?”

Ruki’s moans aren’t fake. Uruha knows they aren’t. Ruki won’t ever confess it, but he is truly enjoying this, a lot.

The way he feels how Uruha is inside him, and Uruha gives him all the pleasure he could possibly give, Ruki can’t handle that.

He moans and he gasps, holding the iron bars at the head-end of the bed.
Uruha lets his fingers slide over Ruki’s (small) body, plays with his nipples, and gasps in Ruki’s ear.
He bites Ruki in his neck, kisses him on the shoulder, and then he finally starts moaning himself.

Though, his moaning is partial forced…He has to overdo it.
Uruha is acting, while Ruki isn’t anymore.

“…Wow.” Aoi mumbles from the sideline.

”Okay! Now, let’s start with the second round. Ruki, on top!” Kai shouts.

In fact Ruki’s beginning wasn’t very original or impressive, he just started with giving Uruha seducing kisses, and Uruha acted along.
As Ruki mumbles “I love you…” I Uruha’s ear. “Allow me to love you…”
The making-out starts.
Followed with the sex-scene. Uruha still can’t help being nervous deeply inside, but Karyu is right: he has to focus!

Uruha feels how Ruki starts touching him, how Ruki licks him in the neck, and bite sin his ear, how his hands reach Uruha’s length and start making him hard.
”Allow me to love you…” Ruki moans softly, again.

And Uruha feels Ruki inside him, in another pose then when Uruha topped.

It wasn’t the steamy hot sex Ruki usually delivers; most of it was fake, at least, from Uruha’s side. Uruha acted as good as he could, but again he had the feeling Ruki wasn’t acting that much. And that feared him, because of course Ruki was acting. But if even for him it seems as if he isn’t acting…Then Ruki truly is a better actor than Uruha is…

”Uruha, stay in this pose ok?” Kai says.
”Eh?” Uruha asks surprised, but he doesn’t ask any further questions.

He feels how Ruki leaves the bed, but since Kai told him not to move, Uruha doesn’t look around, to see what’s happening.
Then he suddenly feels how someone is approaching him.

“Okay! Let’s start again.” Kai shouts.

And Uruha feels how strong hands touch him, and how a strong body covers his, though in the same pose.

Uruha feels how someone gets inside him, and…Uruha feels horny, and hot.
He feels something inside; he hadn’t felt in a long time… Uruha feels something exploding on the inside, and it isn’t an orgasm, yet.

Uruha moans so does the guy behind him, and though Uruha has no idea who it is, this man is giving him so much pleasure; he wants to give it back.
A strange urge of doing his best job ever, is pumping through his veins.
And then it is coming…
And Uruha feel it is coming for Him as well...
The feeling of the orgasm takes him over…
And men moan, gasp and pond.
And then it stopped.

“CUT!” Kai shouts.

Uruha looks up at the man that just…gave him the best sex ever.
His face is a familiar one, so is his body.
”…So…” Uruha says softly.

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-3/?

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 12:30:58 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto , ToraxHiroto , ?xUruha
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
posted: jrockyaoi, xaliceninex, gazette_yaoi

Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )( 02 )

“Uruha, about time. Shou! So you decided to join us? Great! I have to discuss something about your new promo anyway, and now you’ll hear the big news!” Karyu says with his most generous smile. He truly is in a good mood. “You see Shou, we changed the title a bit…”

“The title?” Shou asks curious.
”Yes, it now is called “The Shou must go on!” instead of “the show must go on”. We thought that made a better-“

“It’s okay Karyu-sama, I like it.” Shou grins, while he is trying to hold his laughing.
”And now: OVER TO ME!” Uruha shouts, as a little boy with too less attention. “Is it true Karyu? I want to see it, I HAVE to see it.”

“Yes, yes Uru-kun. It is true.” Karyu grins. “It seems that the effect you wanted to reach with the gossiping, is reached.”

Uruha couldn’t look more satisfied, a big grin on his face, his eyes are shining.

“May I ask, what the hell you’re all talking about?” Shou says confused.
”Ah, Shou…Let me explain.” Karyu smiles. “You decided to do your teeth, right?”
”…Yes.”
”Why?”

“Cause they were horrible…Everyone told me they were.”
”Ah! There you’ve said the magic words Shou, everyone said, you see, in our jobs it is important what others think of you. And as soon as you start doubting about something that can be changed, you change it, so you won’t doubt about it.
We knew Ruki wasn’t that secure about his ass as he was of the other parts of his body, while in fact there’s nothing wrong with it, but as his rivals, it is our job not to let him know. So instead of telling him he was overreacting about his ass, we confirmed his feelings, by spreading a gossip.” Karyu smiles.

“…And that gossip said Ruki uses stand-ins? I don’t really see-“
”Shou, by spreading the rumour he uses stand-ins, and keeping that rumour up and using it against him as an insult, -we weren’t the only ones by the way, something that also helped- we made Ruki think he actually needs a stand-in. So now, he really uses one. And THAT is the most stupid mistake he could make, so the best for us.” Karyu smiles.

“Indeed.” Uruha smiles, while he sits down on Karyu’s leather couch, in front of the LCD-screen TV. “and now show me the damage the dwarf caused!” he adds after it, grinning a bit evil.

“There are two movies released with Ruki in it recently, I picked the scenes where you can see the huge differences, and I compared them with his old work.” Karyu grins.

“Do you watch porn, even in your free-time, Dickle-san?” Uruha grins. “Cause how other could you find out he did this? We never watch Ruki’s stuff-“

“Yes I do watch his stuff in work-time Uruha, that is to know what he’s up to, always stay a step forward to your rivals Uruha. And no, I do not watch it in my free-time for fun. It reminds me of work too much, in my spare time I enjoy a good book or some guitar-playing, or I’ll take a walk with my children and wife.” Karyu answers.

Shou stares at Uruha with a weird expression on his face. “Wife? Children?” He whispers to Uruha. Uruha grins and nods, then points at a picture on the cabinet. It shows Karyu with a short, friendly-looking and pretty woman, with three children in front of them. All are smiling and look happy, though it’s not one of those stupid family-portraits with plastic smiles, it is a real picture.

“They’re married for already 8 years,” Uruha whispers back to Shou. “She is the reason why he stopped.”

“Done talking about my private life?” Karyu asks a bit indignant.
Uruha looks a bit caught. “yes.” He mumbles.
”Good, now watch this carefully.”

A blonde girl is walking over to the young man, they both wear very, very short silk bathrobes, the girl is looking like she is stoned from being so horny, (she is a very bad actress, or she is supposed to play a part like this, in that case she is very good.) Ruki is sending her a sexy hard-to-get-glance, turns around and walks away to the other side of the room.
”But…You asked for me?” The girl says with a desperate voice.

“I didn’t.” Ruki answers with a cold voice.

“I did.” Another voice says, and a second man comes from behind a pillar. The man is tall, brown/blonde and has a very handsome face, though you can see from that distance already, that he has the typical porn-star looks. He is a natural talent, everyone can say.

“I called you.” The man says. “to tell you, to stay away from him. At least, when I am around…” The man says threatening.

“Wh-what?” The girl says unbelieving.

“You heard him.” Ruki says, and he walks over to both of the other persons. Putting a hand on the other mans ass. “You can stay…But he stays as well.”

Then suddenly the movie skips a part (Karyu is not very skilled in movie-cutting) and you see how two naked men lay on the floor, moaning and gasping.
Karyu pauses the screen, while there’s a shot that shows the shorter one on top of the taller. Ruki’s ass is very clear in screen.

“See?” Karyu asks.

“Ahuh…” Uruha says uninterested.
”Who’s that other one?” Shou asks curious.
”Ah don’t mind him. But that is Ruki’s natural ass.”

“Why did we have to watch that horrible intro-scene?” Uruha asks annoyed.
”Eh…I didn’t know how to delete it…” Karyu mumbles ashamed. “But anyway let’s skip to the next two shots I want to show. Oh and before I do, mind his legs.”

Uruha looks at Ruki’s legs, they’re not really tall, but their shape is okay. Not as great as his own though.

The next scene doesn’t differ much from the last, two men again, but in another pose, moaning and gasping (actually, all porn movies are kind of the same eh?). And another shot that shows Ruki’s ass…But something is truly different.

“Can you see it?” Karyu grins.

“HELL MAN!” Uruha shouts, staring at “Ruki’s” ass. “Whose ass…I mean, that isn’t his, he doesn’t have legs like that, and his ass is definitely not…”

“Indeed. His legs are taller…and the shape of the ass is different.” Karyu grins. “Can you see it Shou?”
”….Hell…Yes.” Shou mumbles softly.

”OH MAN! The Dwarf is going DOWN!” Uruha laughs. “Who’ll take him when they know this?”

“Many directors though, there are a lot of actors who use stand-ins.” Karyu shrugs. “But since you don’t need one, definitely, you’ll be more wanted than Ruki. So will Kai pick you above him, I am sure.” Karyu grins.

“MAN! That part is for me!” Uruha shouts happy.

“…Don’t be too sure yet Thunderthigh. You did not win yet. Tomorrow you’ll shoot the promo, but maybe Kai has no problems with stand-ins. And Ruki stays a fine actor and a huge rival for you!” Karyu says warning.

“I know, I know…But be honest: It is way more easy to pick someone that does his own ass-work. I am au naturelle , you know, I am the real deal!” Uruha grins.

“You’re probably right.” Karyu smiles. “but Ruki will get a part anyway Uruha.”
”…What?!” Uruha says indignant.

“Think about it, Kai made up a script with three big parts. One for you, one for Ruki and one for a third actor, and no, I have no idea who that’ll be. But what you two are fighting for is the part of the head-character, so will the third person.”

“…So you mean…I’ll have to play with Ruki anyway?” Uruha says indignant.
”Probably yes. Definitely if you’ll get the part you want. Otherwise it depends on what part Ruki gets.” Karyu says.
”Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?!” Uruha shouts.

“I didn’t realize it earlier. But I thought about what Kai told us.”

“Shit…” Uruha mumbles.

“It’s not the end of the world Thunderthigh. Just beat Ruki tomorrow. Beat him, and show to the world what you can do.” Karyu smiles. “Maybe…you’ll be discovered.”

“I already am discovered Karyu.”

“I mean, by the other directors Uruha. Discovered by the big movies, the real movies.”

Uruha looks up to Karyu. “You mean-?”

“You have the talents and the looks Uruha, you have the skills to become a real star. That is why you HAVE to get that part Uruha, more is depending on it than you think.” Karyu says, partial father-like, partial concerned and partial friendly smiling. “but now, you two have to go, I am leaving, my wife is expecting me for dinner. And there’s no way I am going to miss her famous lasagne.”

They’re standing outside of Karyu’s apartment, Shou is silent and Uruha is thinking.
”Uruha,” Shou asks then.
”Hmmm?” He mumbles a bit grumpy.

“Do you know who that other actor was?”

“You mean the third actor in Kais movie? Course not.”
”No, I meant the one in Ruki’s old movie. The taller blonde one.”

Uruha stopped his walking and looks at Shou with pulled up eyebrows.
”Why?”

“I am just wondering. He was way too good for such a small role.”

“Probably, but I know you’re lying now Shou. So just be honest and tell me why you want to know?”

“…I believe I know him.”

“Then why do you ask for his name?” Uruha says.

“I am not sure if it’s him.” Shou mumbles.

Uruha sighs. “His name is Saga, he once played with me as well. I believe his manager is his best friend or something, that’s probably why he’s not really that famous as he could be, but that’s my opinion.”

“What you mean?” Shou asks curious.

“That manager is too soft for him. But is it the same guy Shou?”

“…I think it is, yes, I didn’t really know his name, he only told me once. But Saga sounds familiar …”

“…From what do you know him, Shou?” Uruha asks.
But Shou only shakes his head and walks away.

As Uruha opens the door of his apartment, he realizes something…It wasn’t locked.

A bit surprised he walks into the hall, not even thinking about the danger that could wait him, but he does shout: “Somebody here?”

It will probably be his mother or something…Or one of his neighbours…
Hang on, those don’t have keys…
”Who is here?” Uruha shouts. Realizing that he could be robbed…And what if that guy is still in the house?

Uruha opens the door of the big living room, the room is just as tidy and stylish as always, and that thanks to his housekeeper, not to himself. Uruha stares around, and before he walks in further, he grabs some weird statue from a small cabinet next to the huge television.

He never liked it, but he is sure he can punch someone on the head with it, if needed.

“Show yourself!” Uruha shouts.

But nobody answers.

A bit scared Uruha walks into his kitchen. Just the same grey floor, the same silver fridge, the same bar stools in front of the cooking Island. Nothing weird, nothing broken, nothing gone.

He walks further into the dining room, but also in here everything seems normal.

Back through the living room, and he enters the bathroom.
Still nothing unusual.

And there’s only one room left now. Okay maybe two if you count his closet/fitness room along, the closet was too big for his collection of clothes, so he put several home-trainers in it. But there’s nothing from value in there, and no window to escape.

Still a bit afraid, Uruha opens the door of the last room, his bedroom.

And he does find something unusual there…

His bed is covered with rose-petals. There’s a bottle of wine put on it, with a note on it.
”Uruha.” The note says.

A bit afraid, Uruha opens the envelope, and reads the note.

”I saw you left your door open, I found it a pity not to make use of that.

This is my revenge.
Go find out what I did, and who I am.

You’ll never beat me.

I am a riddle, yours to solve.

Nothing is what it seems.

P.S: This wine is extremely good, and I may be a bit of a creep, but it’s not poisoned.
P.P.S: See you tomorrow, Thunderthigh

Goodbye, may we meet again soon.”

-------------------------------

note: Ok, I know this one is a bit short and maybe a bit crappy...I am sorry, in the next chapter real action will come >D I promise! ^^;;;

</div>

Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-ShouxHiroto, ToraxHiroto- 2/?

Mon, 28 May 2007 13:53:04 GMT

Title: Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto , ToraxHiroto
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous: ( 01 )

That evening, Uruha went to have a massage, as Karyu told him to do. And since Karyu has more then one client, Uruha was not surprised to find one of his younger colleagues there.

“Shou, love, how nice!” Uruha smiled.

“Uruha,” Shou answered. He is young and not very long in this scene yet, though he is promising. Shou looks like an innocent boy, and that innocent look is liked by many people, but how innocent he may look on the outside, Shou can be very naughty when he wants to. And Uruha knows.
Shou sees Uruha as a kind of…mentor. The two get along pretty well, that’s why Karyu always organizes their small “activities”, so Uruha will be distracted from his sorrows, this time the ones about the promo with Ruki.

”So,” Shou grins. “Why did Karyu sent you here?”

“To get a massage, Shou-babe, that’s what most people do here.” Uruha grins.
”I more meant: What does he want you, to be distracted from?”

“Ah, well…Nothing problematic.” Uruha shrugs. And then he pinches Shous cheek. “And what about you, little Shou-kun?”
Shou slaps Uruhas hand away . “Leave it Uru.”
Uruha grins.

Shou and Uruha walk through the corridor, in the direction of the dresser rooms, as suddenly a door opens, and a dark-haired man, with a lip-ring comes out of room, the man is only wearing a towel and his body is wet and sweaty, the door probably leads to a sauna, since the typical scent of steam is now filling the air.

The man looks at Uruha and Shou, his pale skin is shining in the light of the TL-tubes.

As his eyes meet Uruhas, the man seems to take up every detail of Uruhas body, from his toes till his hair. Then the man grins.

“You must be the famous Uruha.” He says amused.

“Eh?” Uruha says, a bit surprised.

“Oh come on, do not tell me you are surprised you are recognized. Be proud of it.” He smirks. “It means people are talking about you, and a lot even, if I may be so honest. At last, we finally meet.”

Uruha stares at the man, he is handsome and looks a bit mysterious, though a bit familiar.
Who is he? A fan? Well if he is, then this is kind of creepy…

Uruha stares at the stranger, still surprised and confused.

The man laughs. “Oh come on Uruha-san, you are not telling me you don’t know who I am?”

“Well…Then I won’t tell you.” Uruha shrugs. “Come Shou…”

And Uruha takes Shou with him, they walk away from the man, who is left behind, totally perplexed.

“Uru-kun,” Shou says, as they are in the men dresser-room. “Did you really not recognize that man?”

“Eh? No…Why should I recognize him Shou?” Uruha smiles.

“Eh…He is one of your rivals…” Shou mumbles.

Uruha stops in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head. “Mwhang Mwon” He says through the textile of the shirt.

“Sorry?” Shou asks with a small laugh.

Uruha pulls off his shirt. “I said: Hang on! Are you telling me, that guy was one of my rivals as in, he is-“

“What we are, yes.”

“But I mean, how popular is he? Who is he then? Am I supposed to fear him?”

Shou shakes his head. “No, not really Uru.”

“Ah…” Uruha sighs relieved. “Then it is ok.”

“He is supposed to fear you.” Shou continues then.

“What?”

Shou shrugs. “Well I mean, your popularity is growing, your fame also is…As he said, people are talking about you, a lot. Important people.”

“Shou…Why should he fear me? There is no reason!” Uruha says confused.

“Of course there is! He is number one Uru!” Shou says then. “Gee I thought you were just teasing me…”

“…Number one? THAT was number one? As in…The most popular? The most fantastic? THE MOST-“

“I know what being the number one contains, Uruha. Thank you. Though I know it is wise for you to repeat it several times, you and your little Shou, cause you won’t ever smell the scent of victory…” a voice says from behind Uruha.

Uruha stops his shouting, closes his eyes from irritation. That arrogant voice is so easy to recognize.
”Hello Ruki.” Uruha says annoyed. “How nice of you to pop in, you can’t live without me, can you?”

“Indeed Uruha, indeed. I need someone to make fun of, I see so many idiots, but you are my favourite loser. Doesn’t that make you happy?” Ruki says.

“Lately, I hear such strange squeaking in this dresser-room, Shou. You should think the people here would know how to get rid of tiny, little, rats.”

Uruha now turns around and faces Ruki, to see that he is not alone.

Ruki brought his “Shou” with him, but of course that one is named different. Hiroto is the youngest client of Zero, not very tall and with teeth like a squirrel. How can a schoolboy like him, be so sexy in some way? It is extremely odd.

But of course this one is being turned into the same thing as Ruki and all his colleagues are.
Arrogant Bitches.

Or menwhores if you prefer.

Though in some opinions, all men of this scene are menwhores.

Shou and Hiroto are watching the two older and more experienced ones fighting together. As their eyes meet, Hiroto smirks, and Shou smiles.

Both then don’t really pay attention to the other two anymore.

“What’s up?” Shou soundlessly whispers.

“I am fine,” Hiroto answers without using words. “Nice seeing you again.”

“HIROTO!” Ruki says then, and the two younger both look up a bit shocked. “We’re leaving!” And he pulls Hiroto with him, to the exit of the dresser-room. “see you tomorrow, Uru-babe. Let’s hope you’ll sleep well tonight, cause you’ll need to give everything, to at least not embarrass yourself too much next to me.”

“Indeed, it will be so shameful to win without giving any kind of energy.” Uruha smirks. “And give your ass some rest Ruki, being replaced all the time is very exhausting for it.”
”Hmmpff.” Ruki grumbles, and he and Hiroto leave.
The sound of the door being slammed by Ruki, echoes through the room for a while.

“…What was that all about Uru-kun?” Shou asks.
”What? Come on Shou! Ruki and I always fight.” Uruha mumbles.

“But what was that-“ Shou imitates a deep, macho sounding voice. ““see you tomorrow Uru-babe,” about?”

“Nothing Shou.” Uruha says.

“…Uruha, why are you hiding something for me?” Shou asks curious.
”Same question for you Shou-kun!” Uruha says, suddenly his voice sounds a bit suspicious.

“Wh-what?” Shou asks surprised and confused.

“What’s with you and the Squirrel?” Uruha continues.
”HE IS NO SQUIRREL!” Shou says a bit too indignant. Then he looks a bit caught. “Oh shit…” he mumbles.

Uruha stares at Shou with a bit of disbelieve. “Shou, Shou, Shou…” He mumbles, while shaking his head.

Then suddenly Uruha grabs Shous shoulder and pulls him very close to his own body. In his ear, Uruha whispers with a serious though friendly voice. “Do. Not. Continue. Like. That.”

Shous big eyes, become even more big.
”Understand?” Uruha says, still whispering in his ear.

“W-Why Uru?”

Uruha plants a small kiss on Shous head. “For your own good.” he says then. “ Believe me Shou, you two can’t be together.”

Shou looks defeated.

“Shou,” Uruha says softly. “I am really sorry…but, it’s impossible.”

“I don’t understand Uru. Why can’t we be together? I LIKE HIM!” Shou shouts.

“I know.” Uruha mumbles. But he does not answer Shous question.

“…Oh YES! Right there, thanks love…needed this.” Uruha mumbles, while he is laying on the massage-table, being pampered by two strong hands of a dark-haired man.

“Lot’s of stress?” The man asks.

“Hmm, more nerves.” Uruha mumbles. “A bit more down love, ah yes, right there…”

“Nerves?” Shou asks, he is laying on the table next to Uruha’s, facing the blonde.

“Yes Shou, nerves.” Uruha answers absent.

“Why?” Shou asks innocent, he knows that if Uruha is distracted, he’ll pay less attention.

But Uruha pulls up his eyebrows and shakes his head. Then turns his head around to face the other side.
Shou sighs, and feels a bit disappointed.
He stares at the man that massages Uruha, a young man, tall, dark-haired and he has quite a big nose. But not bad, not bad at all.
And of course Uruha realized, the slut.

“Ah, please a bit more down…Ah almost, almost…” Uruha moans from pleasure as the young man moves his hands more down his body, continuing his massage. But even Shou noticed the small blush on the mans face.

Uruha almost got him where he wants, “A tiny bit more down, babe.”
A bit uncomfortable, the dark-haired starts to massage the area of Uruhas ass. Trying not to touch that part of the Star’s body, covered by the towel.
”Right there sir?” He asks a bit uncomfortable.

“Hmmm, tiny, tiny bit more down…I really feel something there” Uruha grins. “and by the way, don’t call me sir. My name is-“

“Uruha.” Another voice says.

Both, Uruha and the dark-haired man, look up.
Shou, who just stopped paying attention to Uruhas flirting, now looks up as if a dog bit him. That voice…

”Squirrel!” Uruha says, his voice doesn’t even sound unfriendly. “What can I do for you?”

Hiroto stands next to Uruha, his arms crossed, he looks a bit indignant. But he ignores Uruha’s question.

“Well, what can I do for you?” Uruha repeats. “Hiroto?”

“Nothing.” Hiroto answers.

“Then why are you here?”
”I did not come for you.” Hiroto says, his way of speaking is short, but not impolite or unfriendly. “I came for someone else.”

“Ah,” Uruha smiles. “Then I suggest you go talk to that person.”

“I will, don’t worry.” Hiroto says, and he smiles.

Shou looks up, hopeful. “Hey Hiroto…” He says smiling.

“Hello Shou.” Hiroto says friendly. Then he grins. “long time no see.”
”Ha, indeed.” Shou smiles back.

“But eh, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll talk to you another time Shou-kun!” Hiroto smiles cheerful.

Shou looks surprised…”But-“

“Yes?” Hiroto asks.

“…You wanted to see someone, right?” Shou hesitates.

“Ahuh! Yup, that’s why I am here.” Then the shorter one walks over to the tall dark-haired, who had been watching the show and grinned all the time.

”Ready Tora-kun?” Hiroto smiles.

“Sure,” Tora answers. “hang on.” And he walks away.

Shou stares at Hiroto, then at Uruha, and then at Tora who comes back with his coat.
”I am sorry si- eh Uruha-san,” Tora grins. “But I’m done working for today, someone will replace me…”
”Ah. I see,” Uruha says. “Hmm, your name is Tora right? I’ll remember…That was an excellent massage.”
”Thank you.” Tora grins, and puts an arm around Hiroto. “Shall we go?”

“I am sorry Shou…” Uruha says, as they are sitting in the sauna.
It is the first thing he said to Shou since the massage.

“….Don’t be. You don’t mean it anyway…” Shou mumbles defeated.

“Yes I do, of course I feel bad for you. I just said you two couldn’t be together, doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be together…So yes, I am sorry.” Uruha says softly.

Shou looks up. “…So you’ll tell me what is with you then?”

“Huh?! We weren’t talking about that Shou!” Uruha says indignant.

“Please Uruha, I need distraction. Tell me what it is or-“

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll rape you.”

“HA! Try to!”

“Okay!” Shou says and he stands up and walks to Uruha grabs him at his hair, and pulls his head back, giving him a kiss straight on his mouth, and touching his member with his hand.

Uruha pushes him away. “WHAT- the hell you think you’re doing?”

“As I said,” Shou gasps. “ Raping you.”
For a few seconds Uruha and Shou stare into each others eyes, then they both start to laugh.

“I almost believed you, Shou-kun.” Uruha grinned, outside of the sauna again.

“I was also serious.’ Shou grins.
”I noticed, I am so raped now.” Uruha says sarcastic.

“Okay, but I did try to! Doesn’t that count as a serious threat?”

“Nope.”
”You still didn’t tell me Uru.”
”Not going to as well.”

“You’re quite an ass, you know that?” Shou grumbles.

Uruha rubs his butt, and grins. “I know, I am also very proud of it.”
Shou glares at Uruha with a glance of pure compassion.
Uruha laughs.

Dressed and all, Shou and Uruha walk through the streets, back to their homes, both not in the mood for car-driving.

As suddenly Uruha’s cell-phone rings.
”Hang on,” he says to Shou.
“Uruha here, oh hey Dickle-san!
Ahuh, WHAT?!?”

Shou looks at Uruhas surprised face, that turned into a happy face. Shou is curious, what is all happening today? A big movie? An audition?

“And you are sure? Man, that’s like…
YES I know, it is almost…too easy.
How stupid could he be?
And you are completely sure about it?
Yes I know, I heard the rumours…To be honest I even spread some of them…
Yes, I’ll watch the video…Man…This is great.
How can Kai pick him if all the rumours are true after all?” Uruha smiles.
”Ahuh, okay, bye Karyu-sama.”

With a big grin Uruha hung up. “Okay Shou you wanted to know what’s going on right?”

“Yes please.” Shou answers.

“I am going to play a big part, in a big movie Shou, that’s what’s going on!” Uruha grins.

Shou is silent for a few seconds…
Then he starts shouting. “SO THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON? THAT’S ALL? THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!?”

Uruha stares grinning at an angry Shou.
”YOU ARE ACTING LIKE YOU’RE HAVING THE BIGGEST TROUBLES EVER, LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD IS NEAR! HIDING A BIG SECRET FOR ME, BUT AFTER ALL IT SEEMS THAT IT IS ONLY GOOD NEWS? AND THAT IT EVEN WAS NOTHING NEW ? CAUSE YOU HAVE SO MANY BIG PARTS! YOU PLAY IN SO MANY BIG MOVIES!” Shou shouts, a bit gasping.

Uruha is still grinning, but then he finally reacts: “…You look incredibly cute when you’re angry like that Shou-kun.”
Shou is perplexed, then he throws his hands in the air. “YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE!” he shouts.

“But you know you love me.” Uruha grins.
”I prefer hating you at the moment.”

“You’re a cutie Shou. It is unbelievable how adorable you sometimes can be.” Uruha pats Shou on his head. “But first it wasn’t sure if I would get the part.”

“…And now it suddenly is?”

“Yes.”
”How come?”

Uruha grins. “It seems, that Ruki did what we always suspected him from.”

“Eh?” Shou says confused.

“A stand-inn Shou. He has a stand-inn. For longer then today.”

“…You also have a stand- …. OH! NO?! You’re kidding!?”
Shou suddenly understands.
Uruha grins, and shakes his head. “No Shou. It is true. Ruki does not do his own ass-work. For real!”

To the Sunset- fan fiction- gazette/alice nine- ToraxReita-Oneshot

Mon, 28 May 2007 11:00:53 GMT

This fic is written for the birthday of my dear friend yomi_chan
!!!Happy Birthday!!!

hope you like it X.x

Title: To the Sunset
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: not beta-read, manxman
pairings: ToraxReita (Tora's POV)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: eh...NSK14
genre: eh no idea, fluff maybe? manxman
Summary: Tora and Reita are best friends, but for a while already, Tora has stronger feelings for him. Since it is Reita's birthday, Tora wants to do something special to make his feelings clear.

Note: This is not written cause of Reita's real birthday which was yesterday, I know. That was coincidental ^^;;

Ah, there he is. Long time ago since I saw him for the last time, though he didn’t change, but he never does.

Weird, how it happened.

I hardly remember when our first meeting was…

I think….. It was 5 years ago.

Yes, 5 years.

He is a bit older, and I was still in high school.

He was the type that was hanging around all day, somewhere at a corner of a street, smoking cigarettes with his friends.

Though he did not seem dangerous, or aggressive, none of his friends did.

They were just there, minding their own business.

None of them seemed to go to college.

I was…17, just walking to school, as that damn guy suddenly decided to grab my wallet out of my pocket. I was near the corner of my street, as he “accidentally” bumped into me, and I suddenly felt the hand in my pocket.

“OI!” I shouted, and I ran after the guy, who had started running before I realized what happened.

I ran after him, through several streets, shouting insults to him, and though I was a fast runner, he was a faster one.

But then he fell. The thief fell, with his face on the street.

Someone made him trip.
I stopped and gasped, bowing over to gather my breath again.

Meanwhile I noticed someone was struggling with the thief…Who decided to help me?

I suddenly heard a voice asking: “Everything alright?”

I looked up, into the face of a handsome blonde guy, with hair that flipped in a special way, his clothes were in a style many of those rock-bands wear, and he looked a bit worried, but friendly. I recognized him; he was one of those guys hanging at that corner…

I nodded, not able to talk already, and then I looked in front of me, to see who was struggling with that guy that stole my wallet. I recognized that guy as well, the one with the partial black, partial blonde hair. He managed in grabbing the wallet out of the guys’ hands, and threw it to his friend.

That one grinned and handed it over to me. “As you see, here is your wallet back”

“Thank… you… ” I was still gasping.
The guy grinned. Then he looked at his friend and shouted: “COME ON REITA! PUNCH HIM ON HIS NOSE! GIVE HIM A LEFT ONE!”

“IT IS EASIER FROM THE SIDELINE! SO BETTER COME HELP ME, YOU ASS!” The one, apparently called Reita, shouted back.

I don’t know why I decided to help him, guess it was my proud, since he was fighting the guy that stole MY wallet, and I did nothing. Or maybe I am just someone that kicks on a good fight, or I have an aggressive nature…Anyway. I joined.
I jumped onto the thief as well, and I saw the weird expression on Reita’s face in the second I looked at him, then we both concentrated on the guy we were fighting.

Two against one may not seem that fair, but hey, stealing isn’t fair as well.
We won, of course. And I got my wallet back, kicked an ass’s ass, and met my new best friends.

Uruha, beautiful and gracious, the flirty idiot is how we call him, the one with the flipped haircut.
Reita, the one with the mohawk, always himself.
Those are my friends. And that was how I met them, just by pure coincidence. Since then we hanged out, since then we’ve got to know each other better than we wanted and…since then I fell in love.

Yes, I fell in love. Still am.
I don’t know when it exactly came, but I know it is there for a while already.

That damn ass. He’ll pay for making me fall in love with him.

Especially, because I am afraid he doesn’t answer my feelings…

Yes, I am afraid. Afraid of being rejected and losing him. The tough, strong, Amano Shinji, also known as Tora since I hang out with those two, is afraid of losing someone.

That one is coming now, heading to me since he saw me waiting for him.

It is his birthday, and he wanted to celebrate it in silence.

He doesn’t know I know it is his birthday, he did not tell, he is not the type that likes that happy balloon birthday-cake thing, he want to celebrate it his way. Without being congratulated all day. Without the “we do what you want cause it is your day today”-attitude.

He didn’t tell me, I just found out it was today. By accident, Uruha told me, while he was drunk, he also told me Reita doesn’t want to celebrate it, and that’s why Uruha keeps on forgetting it every year (-‘So now I am doubting how old Reita actually is, he can also be forty-four and just extremely good looking’-).

“You’re late.” I grin.

“Yeah…Sorry.” Reita shrugs. “I forgot time.”
”Where were you then?”

“Ah at home, watching television.” He answers. “It was quite a cool show.”
I keep on grinning.

“…What?” He asks, as he notices.
”Oh, eh nothing.” I smile.
”…You are up to something.” He says suspicious. “Don’t deny it Tora! I know you too long! You are up to something…”

I put on an innocent face –‘believe me, me with an innocent face makes quite a weird picture’-. “NO idea what you are talking about Rei-chan.”
”…Tora, I know you too well for this, what is it? You are not planning on setting me up or something eh?”
- ‘SET HIM UP?! ME?!’-”What? NO! What gave you that idea?” I say shocked.
”It is what Uruha once tried.” He mumbles. “I am capable of finding my own dates, thank you.”
”Rei, I am not trying to set you up, and we are now just going to have a fun time!”

“I still don’t trust it…” He says.
I just smile and wave, as I walk away.

He follows me.

As I open the door of my room (I just rented a room for myself, and I do not miss my parents at all) he follows me. Still ranting about the fact that I am up to something.
Cause yes, I am up to something.

I am going to give him the best birthday ever…

”So Rei-chan. What are we going to do today?” I say with a sweet-voiced tone.
”To begin with, YOU are going to act normal!” he says.
”Okay, and after that?”
”Don’t know…you invited me over…”

“Nothing you want to do?”
”…No.”

“Nothing you always wanted to do?”
”What the hell?!”

“Come on ass! Just tell me what you want to do today! As in, you always wanted to sky-dive! You always wanted to…swim with sharks!”

“I hate sharks.” He says.

“You probably look like one when you swim in the sea Rei-kun.” I grin.
He slaps me on my head, I do not stop grinning.

“But come on Reita, there’s got to be something? Everyone has those things!” I smile. I am not going to give up easily.

He sighs. “What is your “thing” then?”

-‘Shit, he got me’- “Eh….”

“See?”
”NO! HANG ON! I do have a thing! I always have wanted to eh –‘think Tora, think!’- go hiking!”

He stares at me with pulled up eyebrows. “Hiking?”

“YES!”I say with a big grin. “Hiking!”

“…Tora…”

“Yes?”

“You are scared of heights.”

-‘Oh fuck’- “Oh, eh…I am?”

“Yes. You are. Remember the penthouse-incident?”

“….No?” I say innocent.

“Probably because you fainted.”

“…Aha…Is that why I have a scar on my-“
”TORA!” He shouts then. He truly is annoyed. “If you aren’t going to behave normal very soon, I AM LEAVING!”

-‘FUCK! SHIT! #@%!*&# ! You can’t leave, you bastard!’- “NO!” I shout a bit shocked.

He pulls up his eyebrows again.

“Eh…I eh…Okay, I’ll act normal. Sorry. But eh…You still have to tell me your special thing. Reita!” I grin.

And he knows I am not going to let him leave before he told me.

He sighs, and seems to think again.

“Eh…” He mumbles. “I always wanted to…ride on my motorbike, and then as far as someone can go…Just through nature, through the cities…”

“…That’s all?” I ask, maybe a bit too indignant (-I saved three months of payment for this, and now he wants to go do something like that, I should have known-).
”Eh…Yes… Isn’t it enough?” He asks a bit confused.

“Yes, yes it is…Ehm…Okay grab your coat then!” I grin.

“What the hell?” I hear him mumble.

We stand at his garage, he is confused but does as I ask him –‘what a cutie, he is so uke when he has no idea what’s going on’ – getting out his motorcycle.
”So?” he asks.

“So now we’re going to take that ride of your dreams Rei-chan!” I grin. –‘No idea if the ride of his dreams involves me, probably not, but that is what my “thing” is about’-

And instead of doing what I expected from him – ‘yelling at me and insulting me, get angry and punch my nose’- he suddenly starts…Laughing.

“You, Tora, are the most retarded idiot I have ever met!” He shouts, above the noise the engine makes.

I grin, though he can’t see me grinning, since I am sitting behind him.

“Does that include Uruha?” I shout back.

“YES!”

“WOW! I am impressed. And proud of myself!” I answer.

We drive, together, we follow the roads and I am sitting behind him, we left our city ages ago, and already for a while, I placed my hands around his middle –‘for more reasons then a steady grip’- he did not protest, or he didn’t notice. I think the first one to be honest.

That made me smile widely ever since, cause tonight, I am going to give him my last birthday present. It will be one he can’t return, but he can decide to accept it, or to reject it.

But my love is not something to bring back to the love-shop, saying “Sorry, I prefer the love of that beautiful girl there above this retarded gay-guy!” cause that is not how it works –‘AND I AM NOT GAY! I am bisexual!’-.

We took a break, it is the end of the noon and we are sitting on a tree trunk, a forest surrounds us and the road disappears in it. Though…we drove so far, we must be near to the coast…

“I understand why you wanted this Reita…” I say, as I lean backwards, resting on my elbows and staring at the sky, showing between the tops of the trees.

Reita grins, I can hear it at his voice. “Yeah…It is quite fantastic…I never drove this far, you know. We can’t even make it back home before tomorrow I guess.”

“No…But that doesn’t matter.” I smile. “I enjoy this.”

“What is it that you enjoy then?” Reita asks. I can feel he is looking at me.

I smile wider. “Just the feeling of the travel, the speed, the views…I saw more of Japan today than ever in my entire life! And just…the being together…just the two of us, we hardly saw other traffic, only on the public roads…And the wild-peeing of course.”

For a second we are silent. Then we both start laughing.

“We must go further.” Reita smiles. “I want to see the sea before we go back.”

The ride from the forest to the sea was more silent, but the sphere was…content. It was not an uncomfortable silence. And I couldn’t help smiling, I just never felt so secure about my feelings before.
As we come to a more public road, I suddenly realize something…
”REITA!” I shout. “STOP!”

“eh?” He says surprised.

“JUST STOP! I NEED TO DO SOMETHING!” I shout.

He does as I ask, surprised he looks for a place to stop, a parking-lot at a gas-station. I grin, that’s exactly what I wanted him to do.

“Be right back!” I shout, as I get off the motor and run off to the station.
Even with his helm on, I can see how surprised he looks.

As I come out again, I hide a small box in the storing space of the bike.
”What the hell did you do?” Reita asks surprised.

“Oh eh…peeing!”

“…You went in the forest.”

“Well eh…I have a small sized bladder.” Tora shrugs. –‘yeah, go on Tora! Embarrass yourself more!’- I send him an innocent smile.

“Ahuh…” He says suspicious. But he does not ask any further questions. “Done peeing, Tiny-Bladder?”

“Yup.” -‘oh God, that remark is going to cost me a lot of patience, cause I just gave myself a new nickname, well done Tora, well done.’-

The evening is falling as I finally see the sea for the first time. I lift my body up from the backseat, and half standing, I point at the sea.

“LOOK!” I say excited.
”SIT DOWN YOU IDIOT!” Reita shouts shocked. “DO YOU WANT TO CAUSE AN ACCIDENT?”

“That would be quite a sensation, wouldn’t it? Not to say very tragic…” I grin, but I do as he shouted.

“You truly are the most retarded idiot ever.”

“Thank you! I am flattered. You are quite an idiot yourself too!” I smile.

“…So. Here we are.” Reita says, as he takes of his helm, and watches the sea.

“Ahuh…Here we are…” I say slowly.
Silence.

“Where is here?” I ask then.

“No fucking clue…” He answers.

“…That’s not very useful.”

“No, not really eh?”

“Nope, not at all.” I grin.

Another silence.

“…Your fault.” I grin then.

“Eh?” He asks surprised.

“Yup, your fault. You drove, you’re supposed to know where we are.”
”Hey! You brought the map with you!”

“I did?!” I ask surprised. –‘Really, I don’t know…Was I supposed to bring the map? Do I actually have a map?’-

“Yup. You took all stuff, before we left.” He says.

“Oh. Yeah, but then it is still your fault!” I grin.

“EH?!” He says indignant.

“Ahuh, you made the idiot bring the stuff, then you can ask for it. You’re so stupid, sometimes I really am ashamed of you.” I grin, while I smack him on his shoulder.

He groans and shakes his head.

“The sun is setting.”

“I know ass, I can see. I may be an idiot but I do have eyes.”
”Ah, the eyes you found the map with, you mean?” He says teasing.

“Nope, those were my free-time eyes. These are my work-eyes. These work better.”

“…That wasn’t funny at all.”

“Shit.” I grin.

“…It is quite a beautiful view…” Reita says.

“Yup, it is.” I smile. “But eh, though I have to ask you to close your eyes, and count ‘till hundred.”

“Huh?! Why?” He says confused.
”Just do so ass! NO BUT’S!” I laugh.

Even with his eyes closed, he still has a confused expression on his face.

I run back to the bike, controlling if he doesn’t cheat and does watch, but it seems he is trustable. Out of the storing space, I get the box I bought at the gas-station.

I run back.

“Eighty-eight, eighty-nine, ninety, ninety-one, ninety-two-“
”Yes, yes, you can shut up again.” I grin.

“Great. Now why did I have to make a fool of myself by counting out loud with my eyes closed?” He asks.

I keep on grinning, the same grin as this morning.

“Okay Tora, I didn’t mention it the rest of the day, but now I am sure that you are up to something…And I am sick of not knowing what it is, so you better tell me or-“
”TADAAAA!” I shout cheerful, interrupting him in his sentence.

“Eh?” He says confused again, as I push the small box with the ribbon around it in front of his nose, it is just a carton box, but the ribbon makes clear what it is.
”Oh god no…” he mumbles. “…Why Tora?” He groans. “There’s a reason I never tell you when it’s my birthday…So why did you-“

“Just shut up and take a look at your present ass, everyone likes presents, even you!” I grin.

With an expression on his face that can be explained as a mix of amusement and irritation, he opens the lid of the small box.

“Oh man…” he groans, as he sees what’s inside it.

“Yeah sorry for the colour, they only had these…” I shrug.

Inside the box, there’s a small, pink cupcake, with one pink candle in it. The pink sugar-sparkles on the top finish it.

I light the candle with my lighter, and grin.

“Well…Happy birthday Rei-chan!” I grin.

“…You ass.” He groans. “You stupid freaking ass.”

I nod. “Hmmhmm… I know. But now blow out the candle Reita! And make a wish!”

“I don’t-“

“Come on! Make a wish! Everyone has wishes!” –And let mine, by coincidence, have a lot to do with you- I smile.

He sighs. Then blows out the candle.

“Weeeell?” I grin. “What did you wish?”

“If I say so, it won’t come true!”

“Of course it will! If you by coincidence wished me to tell you, you have a splendid ass, then I do have to know I have to tell you!”

He looks at me with pulled-up eyebrows.

“It was just an example…” I shrug –I really don’t like the look in his eyes at the moment, now he is the one looking like he is up to something-.
”You think I have a splendid ass?” he says suspicious and teasing at the same time.

“I did not say so! I said that maybe you wanted me to-“
”Tora, just answer the question.”

“Like you answered my question you mean?” I grin –Tora, save yourself out of this-.
He sighs. “Okay,” he says then. “Then we both don’t answer the questions. And just shut up, and watch the sunset, in silence.”

“Never knew you were that romantic Reita.” I grin.

“Never knew you liked birthdays.”

“I don’t like all birthdays.” I answer.

“Eh?”

“I only like birthdays from people who don’t like birthdays, especially when those people are friends.” I grin. “That reminds me, how old are you actually Rei-kun?”

“Eh, why?”

“Well, since you never tell us it’s your birthday, you can also be fucking forty-four and just extremely good-looking for a fucking forty-four!” I grin.

He is silenced for a few seconds. “I am twenty-six. And now you did it again.”
”…What did I do again?” I ask confused.

“You said I am good-looking.”

“No I did not say so. I said you are extremely good-looking for a forty-four years old.”

“But I am twenty-six!”

“Okay. But still.”

“Is that an insult?”

“Not really.” I grin.

“Is it a compliment?”

“No, it is a conclusion!”

“…I truly don’t get you…” he says.

And another silence, but this one is a bit more uncomfortable. Did I insult him? Let’s hope I didn’t…Please don’t be insulted you ass!

“…You…You can take it as a compliment though.” I mumble then.

“Oh.” He says.

“I mean, of course you are good-looking. Also for twenty-six years old you are!”

“…So, you’d be attracted to me if you were a girl?”
”For sure! Definitely.”

“…Will you date me?” He says a bit hesitating.

“As a girl? Man, of course!” I say.

“No Tora, I mean…Will you date me?” He now looks at me, with his eyes he is begging me.

I am silenced. I did not see that one coming, at all.
I hoped for it, but…Did not expect it.

“You see,” he says then. “First of all…I want to thank you. For today. It was…Actually the best day of my life. And well…”

I grin. “Reita…” I interrupt him. “Just shut up, and fucking kiss me, you ass.”

For a second, he seems surprised, but he smiles.
I see how his face comes closer and I feel his lips against mine, I feel the kiss I always dreamt of. And he even is a better kisser than I expected him to be –and my imaginations already were good-.

I kiss back.

Meanwhile the sun has disappeared in the sea.

We stopped, and I am now holding his hand –in the dark nobody can see us anyway-.

“…Happy birthday, Reita.” I smile.

Brothers of the Sword- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ miyavi-ToraxUruha, MiyavixSaga, Sa-chap 7/?

Thu, 24 May 2007 13:08:31 GMT

hey there,
here is a new chap of my new fic ^^
please: ignore the weird chaptertitle thingy XD;;;;
!! I hope you'll enjoy!!
!!PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!

Title: Brothers of the Sword
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, some dramatic stuff and some manxman things ^^ english is not my mother-tongue..this chapter not beta-read.
pairings: ToraxUruha, MiyavixSaga, Sagax? (mentioned), Aoix?, HirotoxKai, NaoxShou, UruhaxReita, RukixKai, Kaix? (beware of some one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: FSK 16
genre: Dark Ages, manxman, eh...other stuff.
Summary:
Ruki (Takanori) is a shield-bearer of a young lord, who has some special ideas about freedom. The story happens around the dark-ages, but when I tell something in it that is, according to history, not correct, I'm sorry.

Note: I am truly sorry for taking such a long time, and I hope the chapter won't disappoint you, it is a bit shorter than usual. And I am not truly satisfied with it, but couldn't think of more... m(_ _)m
P.S: had no time to let it beta-read ><; sorry for that too.

( ~Will. You. Follow. Me?~ chapter 1-intro- ) ( ~The.Betrayer.Of.The.Sea~chapter 2 )( ~the singer and his song~ chapter 3 )( ~The Archer and his Prisoners~chapter 4 )( ~the Familiar Stranger~chapter 5 )( ~The Lonely Husband~ chapter 6 )

“I see you.”
His voice , even from a distance Saga can hear Him grinning.

“You can run, Saga, but you can’t hide. Not for me. You never could, you never will, so why trying?”

Saga runs faster, fleeing for the one that hunts him.

But he feels how two strong hands grab his ankles, and how he falls, his face falls on the floor, and Saga felt how He fell with him.
He lays on top of him now, his mouth close to Sagas ear.

“Got you” His voice says.

Saga tries to get Him off his body, but he doesn’t manage. Instead, His grip only becomes more strong, and He pushes Saga harder against the ground.

“You can’t escape Saga, and you also never could. You never really thought you could hide yourself for me, did you?” And He laughs, a humourless laugh.

“L-Let me go,” Saga says.

But He does not let him go.

“Why should I? Now I finally caught you…It is time Saga. You know you can’t say no to me. You never could.” Again that hollow laugh. “You thought I was your only friend! You thought I loved you!”

“No…NO!” Saga groans, he does not want to hear this.

“What is it Saga? Does it hurt to be humiliated…Again?” He grins.

“No…No…LET ME GO!”

“Let you go? But Saga, you want me to find you! That is why you travelled with those two! That is why you came back here! Cause you WANT me to FIND you!”

Saga is crying, he feels the tears slide from his cheeks. “That…i-is not t-true.” Saga softly mumbles.

“Of course it is true! You still can’t accept the past Saga, so I hunt you. Un till you do, un till you will accept it. That I betrayed you, Saga.”

Saga can’t stop the tears. “GO AWAY!” he shouts through them. “I know what you have done to me…”

And again He laughs. “Yes Saga, do you? Aw, that hurts, doesn’t it? Feeling the pain I caused…I wish I could let you suffer more…And you know, I also can.

Cause after that long, long time, you are still suffering BECAUSE OF ME! How ironic! Cause I am not thinking about you for a second Saga. Cause you aren’t useful anymore…
But you know, what?

I will make you suffer, ‘till your death Saga.
The prize you have to pay me…and the others.”

Saga feels how His hands find their way, as He always could.
But Saga does not want this. “The o-others?” He asks softly, while he feels how He unties his belt, while Saga still protests, but Saga has no strength to stop Him.

“Yes, Saga.” Another voice says, a sad voice, a familiar voice.

Saga looks up and sees…
”A-Aoi?” He asks

“It is your punishment Saga. You deserve to be tortured. I wish we could teach you this in another way…But you chose pain.” Aoi says, still with his sad voice.

“But WHY? Aoi, I gave you your answers! I cooperated! I HELPED you!”

Aoi only shakes his head. “That might be true, Saga. But, you forgot someone.”
”F-forgot s-someone?” Saga says softly, while he feels how He unties him from his last clothes.

And then Saga feels how He, does it again. As He always did. His way to make Saga do whatever He wanted…
Saga feels Him inside him, Saga feels how He is near to his spot, but He makes sure Saga won’t have pleasure, yet.
And then…Another person appears next to Aoi.
“You forgot me Saga…” The person says.

And as Saga looks at him he feels an unbelievable pain, inside.

“No…No…NOOOOOOO!” Saga shouts.

The person stares at him…the pain in his eyes is unbelievable as he stares how Saga lays there, with Him on top of him.

”Yes Saga…” Saga hears Him whisper in his ear.. “Everyone agrees, you deserve punishment. And-“ Saga feels how He gets deeper inside him. Saga can’t help it, he has to moan.
”They all want you to suffer!”

Saga moans softly, but is still crying.

“And, that is all…your own fault Saga! You can’t blame me, it is YOUR fault…” He says.

And then…Saga feels how He reached his spot.

Saga feels it coming.

Saga knows he can’t escape.
And then he moans, out loud.

Kai laughs His evil, humourless laugh.

With the moan, Saga wakes up.
He is sweating, and the tears are still streaming amongst his cheeks.

But…Kai isn’t here to punish him…
No Aoi to watch him, and tell him he has to be punished…

And…No Miyavi, to watch him being punished…
For leaving him…

For not admitting his emotions.

For fleeing for his past.

Saga groans.

It was just… a dream.

A horrible nightmare.
Nothing was real.

Not the pain, not the pain in his body that Kai caused, nor the pain inside his emotions caused him.

Cause of course he can’t have emotional pain, he has no emotions.

And what a nonsense, Kai won’t ever come after him again. It was Kai, who betrayed him, together with their victims they betrayed together. How could Saga ever trust him? Together…Kai and Saga caused many, trouble.
They betrayed so many people.

And sometimes Saga did not want to cooperate, but then Kai used his “tricks” to make him do whatever Kai wanted…

But Saga won’t ever let that happen again!

And Aoi…what was with Aoi? Why saying that he “hoped they could have taught it to him in another way”? Teach him what?

And…Miyavi…

Why, from all persons, did he have to appear? Why? Why can’t he just forget about Miyavi?

What is it what happens with him when he thinks about Miyavi?

What makes him feel a small…pain inside him?

Guilt?

For what?

”No Saga. Stop it. It was just a stupid dream…Nothing from it is true…” Saga says to himself. But he knows one thing was true:

“Let you go? But Saga, you want me to find you! That is why you travelled with those two!” Kai had said…

That was true…Saga travelled with Reita and Ruki, cause he knew Kai was hunting them. He knew, and he wanted to know why…He was curious.
But he did not want Kai to find him! That wasn’t true!
”And now Saga, stop thinking about it. Sleep further, it means nothing…Just a stupid, meaningless dream. Kai can’t even find you here…He has no idea where you are, and he also won’t find Ruki or Reita here…Sleep!” Saga says to himself.

He lays down again.
But he can’t sleep for the rest of the night.

“Captain?” Miyavi asks a bit surprised, his voice sounds sleepy. He hates to be the night guard, he hates to force himself to keep his eyes open, to see if nobody will reach the gates of the castle. At least the wind makes him realize to stay awake, but Miyavi wants to sleep ‘till the sun rises again.

“Oh. It’s you.” Tora says a bit rude. He looks awful, like something horrible happened to him.

“Is everything alright?” Miyavi asks.

“Mind your own business Miyavi! And don’t speak so impolite to me, show your respect!”

Miyavi pulls up his eyebrows and looks insulted. “Well, as you wish, my great respected captain, feared by all and loved by others.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH THAT?” Tora shouts.

Miyavi jumped up from dismay, Toras voice could have waken the entire castle.

“Eh- I showed respect?” Miyavi asks a bit hesitating, with an innocent smile.

“FEARED BY ALL EH? AND LOVED BY OTHERS? YOU CALL THAT RESPECT?”

“…Eh, well guess not then…” Miyavi says, he is impressed by the anger of the man in front of him.

Tora’s fists are balled, his knuckles are white, so is his face. He looks a bit terrifying, though…He looks like he deserves a bit compassion, like what he actually needs is someone to talk to.

“Forgive me captain…” Miyavi apologizes. Hoping that will calm the man down.

Tora sniffles. “Get up you.”

Miyavi stands up, both men are tall and dark-haired, but nobody would ever confuse them with each other.

“Yes captain?” Miyavi asks.

“What do you know?” Tora asks.

“…Eh, about what captain?”

“About what happened, Miyavi.”

“…eh well, I heard the emperor sent some new men to the fronts, and eh…Oh! I heard a nice gossip about some young lord departing, a prisoner told me, very weird guy by the way, that prisoner, and eh…well it seems that lord wasn’t the first one, years ago there was another one and nobody ever found that one…
Eh-“

“MIYAVI!” Tora shouts then. “DO NOT MESS WITH ME! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH ME?”

“…Years ago you came here, Uruha trained you, and now you are captain?” Miyavi shrugs.

Tora stares at the man with disbelief. “Miyavi, you know that is not what I am talking about. What you just said…You have to know it…WHO TOLD YOU? Was it the Leprous?”

Miyavi sees at his face Tora is near a breakdown, he looks like he is mentally tortured, like something is killing him. They may not be friends, but Miyavi feels compassion and curiosity, he wants to know what bothers the man.

“I have no idea, what it is you’re speaking about…” Miyavi says, and he is honest.

Toras shoulders shudder. “Then why, why did you say that nobody loves me?”

Miyavis mouth falls open. “EH? B-but I did not say-“

“Feared by all, and loved by others.” Tora repeats him. “If all fear me, and the others love me, it means the only ones that love me are the ones that don’t fear me, and that means nobody does, CAUSE YOU SAID I AM FEARED BY ALL!” His voice sounds desperate, but frustrated and angry.

“Captain…I just…I just meant that you are impressive, nothing more…” Miyavi says shocked. “sure there are who love you!”

Tora looks at Miyavi with pulled up eyebrows.

“Do you find me weak, Miyavi?”

“No captain, not at all.”
”Even though, I am here, shouting at you, reacting my frustrations on you, crying I am not loved?”

“You didn’t cry captain.”

“But you do find me weak now eh?”

“No captain.”

“How come, Miyavi? How can’t you find me weak, while I am?”

“It also takes strength to talk about emotions. Even to…show them. I even know people who are weaker, captain. I know someone who does not admit his emotions.” Miyavi said this before he thought about it, as usual. But he did not mean to say this. “So I find you strong, and I respect people who show their emotions.”
And now he knows why he feels so much compassion, the desperate way Tora is fearing for not being loved, begging for someone’s love, reminds Miyavi of his own situation.
But Miyavi doesn’t show it. He fears the one he loves more than death.

Tora looks at Miyavi. And smiles. “Thank you.”

“I don’t know what I did, but anytime…Captain.” Miyavi says. And he puts his hand on the other mans shoulder.

And suddenly, the two men hug each other, in a friendly hug. They both now know things from each other they did not intend to tell…That also creates a connection.

“Good night Miyavi.”

Ruki stands in front of the window, staring at the night-sky. Counting the stars, while thinking of the right words.

His journals were untouched for a while. His stories unfinished. He felt guilty about it, so he decided to start writing again. Lately, so many things happened in his life, he could not imagine his life of a normal shield-bearer would change into this.

He does not regret it. No, he doesn’t. But sometimes, he does miss his home. Missing the games with Hiroto, the laughing, the horse-riding. Of course some of those things he can do here as well, but it isn’t the same.

But he has to forget about that life.

He now is here, and he met the most fantastic persons. And…Kai.
Tomorrow he’ll see him again, Ruki can’t wait.

“Ruki?” A sleepy voice says then.

Reita sat up in his bed, looking at Ruki with half-closed eyes. “What are you doing?”

As fast as he could, Ruki hid the paper and ink as soon as he noticed Reita woke up.
”Nothing brother…Go sleep. Have nice dreams.”

“…Is everything alright?”

“Yes Reita. Everything is alright.”

“…Okay, I trust you when you say so.
Good night Ruki. Have nice dreams…

Don’t wait for the morning, it will come, believe me.” And Reita falls asleep again.

That sentence… That last sentence…
Reita always said that when Ruki had troubles and could not sleep.
Always when Reita noticed, he said that sentence.
Ruki smiles.

This time, the sentence fitted better than ever. Cause Ruki was waiting for tomorrow.

Ruki watches Reita sleep, his breathings were so frequent, his mouth was closed, his eyes also, the expression on his face was pure rest.

“You are not bothered by sorrows, are you?” Ruki smiles. And he walks a bit closer to the bed. “Sleep tight, my brother. Morning shall come indeed. But first, I’ll survive the night. If I need you…You’ll notice. But I am not the same anymore.
I am not Takanori. And you aren’t Akira anymore. Maybe you changed earlier, but we both have changed.
One thing won’t change, my dearest friend. The morning, always will come, and I will always follow you. I promise.”

”Hiroto.”

But he does not answer.

“Hiroto.” Kai repeats.

But he does not react, he keeps his eyes closed, ignoring the tears. He does not want to face the man, he can’t bear that. Not after what he just did…
He only said, he doubted about his idea…He found it mean, he did not want to involve innocent people in it. And then…Kai did…He…Just raped him…

“HIROTO! I know you are awake.”

While shuddering, Hiroto turns at his side, to face the taller one.
”W-what do y-you want this time K-Kai?”

Even in the dark, Hiroto can see Kais face.

”I want to apologize.”

“You wh-what?” Hiroto says, he can’t belief this. Kai would never...
”Yes, I do. I am just a man, and sometimes even I feel guilty, but I have needs…And…well You were what I needed.”

“I…I-“

“Don’t act so unbelieving, Hiroto. You know what I just said. I may not be so nice for you…But I do have emotions. They just slow down our mission, I don’t want that to happen, but tonight I couldn’t fight them anymore.” While Kai says this, he slowly caresses Hiroto’s cheek.

What is this? Kai would never…NEVER, it is just impossible.

“But it does hurt me, when you reject my ideas, Hiroto…I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want, but it is the only way to get your friends back… the man will understand Hiroto…But I do need your help…
Can I count on you, Hiroto? Will you help me?”

And how, after he said this, could Hiroto reject? How could he say no?
He knows Kai has unleashed his power…Hiroto isn’t stupid, of course the man does not care about him…right?
But how can he say no? If he does, Kai will do it again…
This is mental and physical…Kai is forcing him in both ways…
But he can’t say no…Hiroto can’t say no…

”Y-yes…I will” He says.

And Kai kisses Hiroto on his mouth, and in confuse, Hiroto wants to kiss back…
He feels how Kais hand slaps his face again…
By this time, you would have thought Hiroto knew the rules…